should our friendship be over?

Question

When I was eight months pregnant I found out the my best friend was also pregnant, then one month later she called me and told me that she had a miscarriage, I felt so bad because I was about to have my second child. Then I found out that she lied to me she had an abortion. I found out from a mutual friend, I am hurt because having an abortion is your decision a miscarriage isn't, she made it like she was so excited to have this child,and then that she was so upset that she had miscarried, her having a miscarriage took an emotional toll on me in my last couple weeks of pregnancy and I have not talked to her since I found out. am I over reacting

Answer 1

Perhaps she lied about having an abortion cause she was worried how you would view it since you were 8 months pregnant. Maybe she was worried you would judge her or look down on her, not because you are/were a judgemental person but because you were ready to welcome your baby into the world and she wasn't. I'm not saying this excuses her - yes lying about a miscarriage is pretty bad, i mean look how many people experience them and look at the pain it brings, but maybe she didn't see any other option at the time?

In my humble opinion you had a right to react the way you did - i mean especially at 8months preg. you would have been feeling her pain from the miscarriage big time!! But do you think its worth losing a friend over? Only you would know the answer to that one! Perhaps if you gave her a chance to tell her side you might be able to understand a little better - you don't have to excuse her behaviour but maybe you will understand it more.

Good luck!

Answer 2

if she lied she must have had some reason for doing it- you just need to find out what that reason was. Maybe there was something about the father, or maybe not. You need to talk to her and find out why she lied. You have every right to feel this way especially since you have children of your own. You are not overeacting at all. in fact, probabley a lot of other people would react this way. You need to confront your friend if you want to continue this friendship and find out why she had an abortion and why she felt the need to lie about it- maybe she was afraid of how u wuld react.
best of luck

Answer 3

How do you know this mutual friend is correct? Maybe she misunderstood the situation or maybe she is the one who is lying? Why are you so quick to believe your mutual friend over the person who had the mc/abortion?

Plus maybe she HAD to have the abortion, like maybe her blood pressure got too high and couldn't be controlled. This happens sometimes, and is considered medically necessary to save the life of the mother.

I think its childish to consider ending a long-term friendship with someone without even talking to him/her about it first and hearing the friend's side of the story.

Answer 4

I think if she decided to have a abortion its totaly her problem and her choice--and the fact that she didnt want to tell u it was alos her choice. People always have reasons to not tell someone the truth--and maybe she might of thought that by telling u she had an abortion u would judge her (like u are already)----if she didnt want to tell u dont get hurt. My bestfriend got pregnant while still liviing at hom she use to tell me everyhting and she never told me that---I never knew til the day she delivered I asked her why and she said she was very confused and I forgave her and we are friends now---she had her reasons and me as a friend had to understand.

Answer 5

I think it depends on how close you were, and the type of person she was. Some people are liars, and you shouldn't trust anything that comes out of their mouths, but you are still friends anyways. Or if you two were friends, but nothing to close, then maybe not. If you were best friends, or close to, and she doesn't normally lie....yeah I would be very upset and probably end the friendship. It just means she likes drama, and seriously, with two kids.....do you need it? Good Luck!

Answer 6

Just because she had an abortion doesn't mean she isn't going through some major emotional issues. You have no idea what it is like. Don't judge her, you should be her friend. It's easy to assume what it's like to choose to have an abortion, but until you actually go through it-you have no idea. It's not as "black & white" as you might think. Let it go!

Answer 7

It was her mistake and right now you just need to focus on you and your baby and the child you already have. But if you are up for talking to her, perhaps you can tell her what you heard about her getting an abortion and see what she says. Good luck to you and Congrats with your new baby.

Answer 8

I would not end your friendship over that. Sure, her lying to you put you through emotional pain...but think about the pain she is going through. She is going to have that memory with her forever. Talk to her-this is when she needs you most. Friends don't always have to agree with things they do...they just need to care and try and understand where they are coming from. She should not have lied---but that is a tough situation to deal with.

Answer 9

no you are not but dont cut her off just let her no that she had not only hurt herself but hurt you find out why it would have been so hard for her to have the baby and try to help her through that i think that is what a real friend would do but let her know that what she had done was not what a real friend would have done but maybe there is something medically wrong with her be there for her i hope everything works out for you two

Answer 10

no i think you shouldn't over that, she probably didn't want to come out and tell you she really didn't want a baby so you can't be mad at her,but when she's ready to have a baby she probably have problems cause abortion is not and the bible and she will weep but thats her choice and she mad it. you kept yours thats all that better you was blessed cause children are so beautiful and need to be loved so i don't know why me don't won't them..