I had a micarriage in Jan. of this year and I'm still having a hard time with that. I've had four ultrasounds so far with this pregnancy and I'm 10 weeks. The thing is, most mothers would be ecstatic to watch their baby grow, but honestly I don't want to see the baby that much. It's not that I don't love this baby just as much as possible, but I lost my son at 16 weeks and I don't want to risk that kind of pain again. Does that make sense? The last memory I have of my son was the ultrasound the morning before he was delivered and he was bouncing around and looked happy. Is it normal to not want to remember another baby the same way? I don't know if I'm even saying this right.
2006-10-30 08:38:40 · 9 answers · asked by justwondering 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Unless you have a very serious medical reason for the ultrasounds I would decline them. I normally decline them anyway, but in your case it isn't my dislike of ultrasounds speaking, but the heartache it is causing you. You don't need that stress in your life.
The other thing you can do is request not to see the ultrasounds. There is no reason that the monitor has to be turned where you can see it.
Try talking to your doc about declining them, you may find they are being done to make you feel better which it isn't. Or maybe there is another reason. If there is a reason ask your doctor one questions 1) If they find whatever they are looking for how will they treat it and what are the chances of success. Then ask yourself if you would agree to the treatment. If the condition is untreatable ask yourself whether you would want to know or just let what happens happens.
However you need to find a way to bond with this baby, I think that is important. See if someone near you runs a "Birthing from Within" class, or get the book, if that isn't you cup of tea look for other birthing classes. Try meditation. If you can afford it try looking into seeing a therapist too. Miscarriages can take a very high toll. It is the same as loosing a child, except the world doesn't often treat you that way.
You need put your mental health on the top of your prioty list, it is important to both you and the baby. Don't do things that make you uncomfortable. Like seeing the ultrasounds, or setting up the nursery or whatever. So long as you have a bassinett/moses basket and a pack diapers and some blankets and a few outfits stashed in the basement you will be fine. Your hubby/partener can do it and you never have to see them if you find it upsetting. Relatives can store other larger things and supplies of clothes or you can get them later on.
Everything you are feeling is normal, even if other women do not feel that way, you feel that way and that is what matters. Give yourself permission to feel anything -- even if it is resenting this baby because s/he isn't the other baby. You will grieve and work through it in your own way in your own time.
Treat yourself well and take care.
2006-10-30 09:56:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is absolutely normal. In a way you are still mouringing the last baby. Inside, you are probably deliberatley not getting excited because you don't want to get your hopes and joy up too much in case of further disappointment. Things happen, for whatever reason. The best thing to do is follow your ob/gyn advice, eat weel, do not do any aggressive form of activity and take care of yourself. If you do that then the chances of success would be better this time around.
Having too many ultrasounds may be unhealthy, ask your ob/gyn about this. As your baby grows you should be able to feel him/her move. Call the Dr if you don't feel any movemement during 24-48 hr period.
2006-10-30 08:45:14 · answer #2 · answered by Wibble 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is compleatly normal. I lost my first child at 6 weeks old and then went on the have to more children. with my second daughter i found if very hard to bond with her I think this was a way of trying to protect my self from going through the same thing happening again.
try and relax and enjoy your pregnancy (hard I know) Im sure it will get easier after the 16th week.
Im sure everything will be fine this time god bless.
2006-10-30 09:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by Erica 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The woman who cuts my hair had the exact same experience as you. Your feelings are totally normal. You went through something very traumatic so you want to protect yourself - what could be more normal? Give yourself time. Time will heal and you will get through the pain. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you all the best with your new baby.
2006-10-30 08:50:05 · answer #4 · answered by cityofoak 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i guess thats normal but you still want to have the memories of this child. just look at it this way god has blessed you with another chance so just relax and take it easy and enjoy it....
2006-10-30 08:43:35 · answer #5 · answered by juicy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Completely normal...
2006-10-30 08:41:13 · answer #6 · answered by Kelli L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it normal..and i guess no matter how hard u try you are going to worry...
u are a mother..and u are worrying about the safety of your child..that is completely normal
2006-10-30 08:42:47 · answer #7 · answered by Arsh S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
completely normal. i wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-30 08:44:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
move on.. try to forget the past... you can still make another one... do you want me to help you,, hit me back
2006-10-30 08:41:56 · answer #9 · answered by . 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋