Out of closet?

Question

If you are out would you consider a relationship with someone in the closet?

If you are closeted would you consider a relationship with someone who is out?

In both cases how would you deal with family/friends etc?

Answer 1

I've been out since 1975. I was in a 7-year relationship with someone who wasn't out to his family. That contributed massively to our breaking up. I was in 11 year relationship with someone who was out to everyone. We were together until he died of cancer, and I believe we'd still be together today.

Life's too short to keep unnecessary secrets. Gay people are not responsible for the anxiety that others feel about our being gay. Anxious heterosexuals can only deal with the issue if we come out.

Answer 2

I've only been out with someone closeted once, and that was when we were both at boarding school, so family didn't come into it. It was hard enough, even so, not being allowed to tell anyone or discuss things with my friends. Even though half the school had guessed, he just wouldn't admit it for ages, and I sometimes didn't like the way he treated me in public, because he was so determined that we shouldn't look like a couple.

For all those reasons, I don't think I'd do it again now - just too much hassle, and you don't feel valued in the same way if you keep getting the impression he's ashamed to be seen with you!

Answer 3

I have never considered my self to be in the closet i have always been open with family and friends even my husband knows he may be the only man i have sex with but I like girls as well and he understands. The only person I keep it from is our daughter she's 3 and isn't old enough yet to understand why mommy and another women are in the bed or kissing each other. No i wouldn't consider being with a closeted person you would never beable to get close to them as a person to know who they are honesty is very important to me. From day 1 My husband new that i liked both sexs. even women that i date know that im married and have a child. I'm sorry if this doesn't answer your question.

Answer 4

I'm out. And...it depends a LOT on circumstance. Right now I'm away at college: if I was with someone here who wasn't out, it probably wouldn't be as big a deal. Especially if they're out here, but not at home. I think I could handle whatever rare occasions their family were involved in. If I'm with someone at home, then it gets weird because they'll sometimes get over-paranoid. Like, we can't be seen in public together, cause so-and-so might see us.


Either way, it DOES suck, pretty hardcore, but I'd be willing to for the right person.

Answer 5

It would be a difficult relationship, at best. But then again, what relationship isn't difficult??

I was out with someone who was in... being introduced as "friends" and then "roommates" got very tiring and felt that it wasn't being true to ourselves. Now, don't get me wrong... if meeting work folks or folks that absolutely don't matter, why waste the breath? Then there were the long discussions of what I thought were his "self homophobic feelings" and wishing he'd just be himself with everyone.

I've always been out so not sure what being in would feel like... but I can emphatize that it would be difficult. Always worrying that s/he would out me unintentionally... that my parents and friends would realize that we're more than "roomies." It would be tough!

But all relationships, that mean anything, are tough! They are lots of work... lots of communication... but oh, so worth the work!

The best of luck!

Answer 6

When I was in the closet I only wanted to be with someone who would be willing to hide it. Now that I'm out I would want to be with someone who has come to the point in their life where they are comfortable and happy with who they are, and not ashamed of it. Trying to hide things wastes a lot of energy and creates a lot of unnecessary stress.

Answer 7

I don't go out of my way to discuss with people who I love or who I sleep with, but I also do not hide it. I have dated a woman who was very much in the closet, and to me it was just too much work. I could not "forget" and hold her hand, we could not go to the same restaurants often because high holy heck they might think we were together. I would not do it again.

Answer 8

i am out and i would have a relationship with someone in the closet....been there, done that...
we did not have to deal with my family because most of them don't speak to me...his family thought i was just a roommate until he finally came out...no problem, not everyone is able to come out because of work, fear of losing family, etc.

Answer 9

I'm out of the closet and so is my partner..I've had relationships with people who were not out and it just created more problems..Would never do it again.

Answer 10

I cant live for famliy and friends I have to live for me. If I really care for the person I would try it out also I would try bringing them out the closet. Being up front and honset works best for me.