My husband is refusing to agree on anything pertaining to our 2 month old son because I want sole custody and want him to have supervised visits. I feel this way because he has only had limited contact with our son, lives with a mother whom chain smokes, and he has a long written history with substance abuse and donestic violence. I want our son to have a solid relationship with his father I just want my son to be safe. My husband has stopped all support to me and my son leaving me to struggle and he will only pick up items for the baby if I ask (which I feel is controling but I am glad he atleast does that). My attorney is setting a prelininary hearing but not it will not be for weeks until then I am maintaining the supervised visits (which he will not show for because he does not want to be supervised), and only asking for items when I have to. He never calls to check on our son or anything and I have told him he could. I want to be peacefull, am I wrong?
2006-10-30 07:49:03 · 21 answers · asked by liyah's mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!
What you want is to be free from your husband. You do not want anything from him, no money, no support, no nothing-understand. IF, if. if you can get him out of your life take it. Take the child and go away. Tell the Judge you will release you husband from all responsibility in exchange for no visitation. Get it and go. The more you try to make him pay the more rights he will have. Then the more he can make your life miserable.
2006-10-30 08:00:15 · answer #1 · answered by Desperado 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Little One, I would say you are being more than fair and you need to listen to Trick or Treat and Desperado! You really do not want a thing that this man is offering! Not only is he 'NOT' in a position to help his son or his wife but he is in no shape to help himself. You have a child to be concerned about, not the baby sitting of a full grown man! 'If', and I mean this in the kindest possible way so breath deeply and don't panic, 'If' this man can stop doing drugs and support himself and get his act together you will consider allowing him to have 'SOME' supervised visitations! You should not be forcing anything on this man! Don't ask him for anything, don't call him, don't talk to him any more than need be! It is your son, and his welfare alone that you should be thinking about. I don't care what anyone else says, what happened before that baby came is done and buried! You must push forward!
Report everything to your Attorney, if this man does not show up for his visitations, call and tell your Attorney! If he shows up at an un-designated time and demands to see his child, call your Attorney. You are not at the beck and call of this man any longer! You must stand on your own two feet, and it looks like you are taking the right steps, so don't allow him to stop you.
No, you don't want to give your husband, fuel for the fire so to speak, to complain about to his Attorney! Yes, you do have the right to not recieve him for visitation should he show up late or early or not at all! If he doesn't show he is not allowed to make up the time during the week. Your son is not a play toy and the older he gets the harder and harder it will become to hide how this man really feels about him!
Stay strong and do not give him any reason to harm you or your child! If he shows up and should not be there, call the police or your Attorney or both! Don't go against what you beleive because you think your son needs a father. He does! He needs a father not a drug addict!
Also, it would be a wise thing to keep a daily log of everything that you are doing! Write down everything that happens during the day! Who you spoke to, what you did, where you went...I know this sounds a bit silly but beleive me when your standing in front of the Judge or the mediator you will be happy you did this.
Be sure to get dates and have them on every page! Time them if you need to. Put the date, time you started writing and the time you stopped writing!
Because you are keeping a record of each and every day and moment of those days, if your husband does not show up for one of those visits you have a log of that day.
Sound like I've been there? No, but my oldest son was there but he was the one taking care of the children! This was something his Attorney suggested in order to answer the Judge with as much accuracy as possible.
You don't want to say things like "Ah, I don't think he was there!
You will say "No, he was not there on this date at this time, and did not show at anytime during that day!"
Good luck Little One
Blessed Be
2006-10-30 08:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by wonderingmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being wrong, Your child needs to be in a safe place. The father does need to see the child. If he can't agree on anything then let the judge decide what to do. That is something you need to explain to him. If he has a history of this stuff then the judge will only give him supervised visits. Don't fight about it. If he dont want to do these things then step aside and let the court handle it. Good luck hun
2006-10-30 07:55:28 · answer #3 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. You first priority is to make sure that your child is safe and protected. His father has brought the "inconvenience" of supervised visitation upon himself because of past behavior and issues. Until your child is old enough to defend himself or tell you exactly what is going on when he is with dad you continue to insist upon supervision. Once his father gets himself together there is no reason that they should not have a solid relationship. Just be the best mom you can.
2006-10-30 07:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by bttrfly0724 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is mainly why is he against being supervised in the interim while awaiting a court date? I would feel very shaky about that. With his history, it is probably best for all involved if you keep contact with him to a minimum and although it's nice for you to want your son to have a relationship with his father, that doesn't mean throw your concerns to the wind, either. He isn't helping his case by refusing to pay support at this point while you're awaiting a hearing. He's only showing the court his disregard for his son's welfare.
2006-10-30 07:55:07 · answer #5 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way are you wrong with what you want best for your son. No woman and I mean NO woman needs to be in an abusive relationship. I have had my share of abuse which took me four years to realize how stupid of me to let something like that go on in my life. I was and am way to good to put up with losers. If u r smart....he owes child support and give him supervised visitation rights only. Good Luck!
2006-10-30 08:01:26 · answer #6 · answered by sunshinelady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have been removed from pc for some weeks, this universal question is one i think a compulsion to reply to with !!!!! there is not any fool like an previous fool!!!!!!!!!!! She might have been raped,or she could be crying wolf, yet regardless of is the case,his attractiveness has no longer helped this little lady boost up, my vote on the issue is that he can't love her,or himself,could be ultimately he's becoming up and the being pregnant is the straw that broke the camel's back, the divorce might help her to boost up,the promiscuity's could be an indication of sexual abuse,and if it is so she desires the fashion of help her husband can't provide her,wish for the affection of her infants she gets the help she desires
2016-11-26 19:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. Your first priority is your kids and you have to do what ever it takes to protect them, from anyone and anything... Your husband has a history and he should be supervised...
Another thing is that your attorney should not be waiting for a preliminary hearing... You can start child support before than. He needs to get you in front of a judge asap., to get you the money you need for your kids.....
2006-10-30 08:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is NO!
I would ask for supervised visits as well if in your situation. You are doing the right thing and living up to your responsibiliy as a mother...Protecting your child!
If you have an caring/concerned attorney and not a all-about-money one, he will advise you on what options you may consider. "Supervised Visits" will be one!
As for the father not showing up for ordered supervised visitations...if he does not call..why expect him to show up? Report each time he does not show up...you may be eligible to receive 100% child support, ask your attorney about this.
Being civil is key to any divorce...unfortunately, it is very difficult to remain peaceful during any battle! Do the right thing....(a) remain civil; (b) protect your child(ren); (c) honor each order; (d) if all else fails...PRAY!
2006-10-30 08:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this guy could care less about his son; most fathers would do anything to see their child, even supervised visits. I understand you want your son to have a good relationship with his father, but it does not sound like any relationship with this guy would be good for the boy. Do not feel bad. This guy sounds like real bad news.
2006-10-30 07:53:54 · answer #10 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋