Me and my boyfriend had 3 girls together, plus I have a son from a previous relatonship. The problem is now that we've broken up and he lives 10 hours away he wants our oldest daughter (she's 4) She's really excited to go.
Plus he says in a couple years he wants our 3 year old twins. Does anyone have any experience of this? Do any mothers out there have kids that live w/ the father? How did it turn out?
Did the kids end up resenting you or feeling like you've turned your back on them? I'll let the 4 year old go because her and her dad were always close but not the twins. Please let me know. Thank you for the help!!!
2006-10-30 07:45:59 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
*** He's got lots of family nearby
*** For right now, the 4 year old is only going to be visiting.
2006-10-30 07:51:56 · update #1
A lot depends on what kind of father he is. Is he safe? Does he have family support like the girls' grandparents near him? Do you have parents nearby? There are just too many unknowns here for anyone to answer. Get advice from wise people who know you and your family.
2006-10-30 07:49:27 · answer #1 · answered by Jane 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of fathers who make great single parents, but it really depends on the individual. As long as he is responsible, not an alcoholic or drug addict, does not hit them and would not sexually molest them, then there should be no problem. Especially if he lives near family that would be able to help him out here and there.
I think it would be hard for the kids to be apart from their other family members for too long, so if there is any way you could move to be closer, then it wouldn't be so difficult on everyone. Just make sure that you get a court appointed lawyer (free) if you cannot afford a paid one to make sure you have appropriate visitation and child support arrangements worked out so there'll be less fighting about it down the line. Just remember, whoever has fewer kids will be more likely to have to pay the other one child support if there are still visitation rights. And you don't want to give up those no matter what. Your kids will always need you in their life. Stay close and do your best to keep a respectful friendship between you and their father since you are partners in this parenting process. And always always let your kids know how much you love and cherish them.
Get legal council before you make any decisions. Good luck!
2006-10-30 16:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by kim b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure anyone can really help you with this but yourself. You need to make the decision based on what you believe is best for the children. If you feel they will be better off with their dad, and you aren't in the position to give them what they need, then I would allow them to stay with their father. However, if you are capable I don't think you can replace a mother. Although fathers are important I think having a strong mother figure in their lives is the most important. Step up if at all possible. It would be great if you could maintain a good relationship with their father as they will appreciate it when they get older. If there ends up being a fight, don't give up fighting for what you want and believe.
2006-10-30 15:54:01 · answer #3 · answered by straightup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say follow your heart and do what makes you sleep best at night. I fyuo let them go will it help you to get by better? Do you have a good job because the child support is outrageous these days. You need to think about the short term effects as well as the long term effects on this. How will your children feel about this when they are 16? Will they feel good that you mnade a good choice or will they resent you? Only you know the answer dig deep and ask your conscience.
2006-10-30 16:02:01 · answer #4 · answered by Laura W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister-in-law has 2 daughters that live with her ex-husband, and a close friend that I work with has a son and a daughter that live out of state with their dad. The kids are great - they know that both of their parents love them and they do not resent their mom over the custody arrangement. Both of these mom's get their kids every other weekend (the out-of-state mom religiously makes the 8 hour drive to visit). I think that it is very important to make sure to consistantly visit & stay a part of their lives, even if it is a long drive.
2006-10-30 15:53:33 · answer #5 · answered by m.p. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son at age 11 decided he wanted "dad time"...It was very hard for me but what I had to realize is that it is HIS choice. I am very lucky, my Ex is a great father who has always paid his support on time etc.. He has been living with dad now for 3 years and although I hate the fact that I don't get to see him all the time I am very happy that HE is happy. And I cherish and enjoy every minute of our time together. He has always thanked me for letting im make the choice. Your kids are allot younger and may not fully understand the decisions you both are making. Be open to her thoughts and questions. Be up front and honest at all possible. Good luck!
2006-10-30 15:54:47 · answer #6 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to appologize for the comment I am going to make. Sorry! Ok, who is the adult? The kid or you? If my girls (5, and 1.5) told me that they wanted to go live with their dad, I would say, NO! I would tell them that they can go visit him anytime they want, but until they are old enough to make that decision, they will live with you. Why is it ok for you to let one go, but not the others. That looks like you care more for the twins. I would resent you if you let me leave, but wouldn't let my siblings. What is your reasoning for all of this. I would tell him, if he wants to see them a lot more, move closer. I would go to hell and back for my kids, and they will always be with me no matter what happens to my marriage. There will be hard times being a single parent, but not having your kids is harder. Kids grow up fast, and you don't want to miss out on anything. Good Luck .
2006-10-30 15:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by kimmypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, wait, I'm confused.....he wants to take them only after they've been potty trained, can eat and drink on their own, can talk and communicate and know their likes and dislikes? If he wants to be a father, he needs to be the whole thing. And do you think splitting up you children is the best idea? Could YOU handle being ten hours away from your kids? If he wants visits, that's wonderful; he should be involved. HE should come visit YOU.
2006-10-30 16:01:15 · answer #8 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry i wouldnt trust any man even dad with my 4 year old daughter and the fact hes asking for her first. the worlds a messed up place and until she gets alot older i woudnt have it.and im soon to be in your boat. he can take the daughter at 4 but the twins have to wait a couple of years and they are 3. hhhmmmm keep them to yourself he can come when ever he wants and visit.
2006-10-30 15:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son went to live with his father and now he wants to come back.. I don't think it is a good idea. Your children are still young and even though they need their father. They need their mother more. A father cannot give the children the love, patience and attention that a mother has... Explain to your daughter that she can stay with her father during the summer and vacation if she'd like.... Don't deny her calling him when ever wants etc... But please keep them with you. You will regret it later.
My son did not resent me, but he did not get from his father what he can get from me....
2006-10-30 15:52:30 · answer #10 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋