I know that I am still on love with my ex wife. ( no doubts) However she did have an affair. we divorced and there has been tesion ever since, we occasionally have friendly coversations. I have a hard time letting go of what she did, and I have some anger issues . What I miss most about our marriage is the friendship, The one that brought us together and the one I thought we had, until the affair. I want to be friends but this woman scares the he;; out of me, Of all the women I have ever dated, I have not been afraid of any. But This one, She causes my palms to sweat and I get very nervous at just the thought of seeing her. Can we be friends or not ??????????
2006-10-30 07:18:12 · 19 answers · asked by christsluv4u 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can, but it is clearly going to take you more time to get over your anger and jealousy relating to her affair. If you can stop seeing her as your wife, but rather a friend, I believe you can get past it.
2006-10-30 07:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by Bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you mean about this person scaring you so much? Do you mean that you become nervous/excited and describe that as scared? I've never heard of anyone feeling that way after they've dated someone for a while, but maybe you just care about her in an unusual way. Anyway, I would say let her go and start trying to move on with your life. Also, I don't really beleive in being friends with an ex unless you never really cared about them and that doesn't seem to be the case with you. Good luck.
2006-10-30 15:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by texirocks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to heal after the infidelity, divorce, and the best advise is to forget about her. Remove all things from the house which she was using, you received from her, or you gave her do not meet with her or accept telephones.
Allow time to pass.
Don't dwell on it.
Tell yourself, "I deserve better."
Lean on your support system family friends.
Work on your future by taking a course or looking for a new job.
Get a makeover or a new wardrobe to help you feel better about yourself.
Keep yourself occupied with productive activities.
Read encouraging or inspiring books.
Don't be sentimental about the past.
Don't over-dramatize.
Don't be fatalistic.
Tell yourself "Better days are coming," because they are.
I am aware that it is easy to advice, but you will do much better if you accept you faith and let her go.
2006-10-30 15:53:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have children? If you have children...it would be best if you could be friends. I'm a step mom and neither of the parents will talk to each other. So I have to be the one to talk to his ex. The trashing each other that they do is terrible.
Now if you don't have kids...I am still friends with one of my ex's. He broke my heart (by cheating on me), but I got over it. I still talk to him. But I tell you it can get messy because his wife and my husband aren't a fan of us talking...even though I'm married and live 30 miles away. If you get in a new relationship the woman may not be a big fan of you hanging with your ex either.
One more thing...don't let her use you. I am so tired of my husbands ex using him because he is a mechanic. Even though they hate each other he does it because she has one of the kids ask him and makes him feel guilty. He is always fixing things. If you get a new woman and she is like me...she won't like all these "favors". To me he is my husband not hers.
2006-10-30 15:30:09 · answer #4 · answered by hard rock girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE DIVORCED! You cannot be friends.... at least for now. Maybe after some time (years) pass you can get along. What is going on now maybe is that you are still in love with the idea of being in a "relationship" not necessarily in love with the ex (remember, you are angry with her yet) - at least think about what I wrote.. ......Good Luck
2006-10-30 15:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes give it time. Find away to forgive her. If you love her as much as you say you do you cn forgive not forget but forgive. My ex-husband had numerous affairs. I blamed my self so i had to pay him back. i had a affair and told him about it after we were divorced. So he goes around town telling our friends what I did but he doesnt bother to tell what he did. Just try really hard to forgive. I forgave but he can't.
2006-10-30 15:25:22 · answer #6 · answered by theresa kay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it would not be a good idea if she causes that much anxiety in you. I think you need to just appreciate the friendship that you had and move on.
2006-10-30 15:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by micah z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your preacher, or a counselor, or someone that you trust. The help that that person can give you will help you more than any answers that you will get here. You will be able to share more, and in return get more helpful advice and feedback.
2006-10-30 15:26:51 · answer #8 · answered by moonlit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so. If you continue to be in contact with her, the feelings of love and anger will only intensify. In order to move on with your life, she cannot be a part of it.
2006-10-30 15:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
naaaah mate, I really love a woman, she split with me - i had a really hard time and we are still "friends" but she doesnt scare me.
sweaty palms? not a great sign... even if it were "love"
try finding a new woman?... easier said than done i know
Good luck my friend.
2006-10-30 15:22:16 · answer #10 · answered by Spike2012 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋