How do I stop the connection with my ex-husband?

Question

my husband of 13 yrs left me 7wks ago. he said that it's not "me" it's "him". he feels that he'll be happier socializing,drinking and sleeping around. No! he did'nt cheat. After all the emotions of shock, pain, heartaches, neglect, and all of a sudden i'm excluded form his life, why do i still want to be with him, take care of him, and still want to have sex with him. so far, he has not turned my offers whether it's home cook meals or sex. but i obviously i initiate all these. i need some points to pass through this. to STOP calling him and keep distance between us, but it's soooo hard to do. any advice??am i going crazy???/

Answer 1

You're not crazy. I'm so sorry for your pain. It happened to me too - He just wanted to be "single" again and left me with three daughters. I couldn't let go. I thought that it would be okay. The thing to do is not to see him or hear from him at all. Do new things that he has not been involved with like joining a gym, stopping for coffee on the way home from work, going to a movie on Wednesday nights, etc. Start new traditions and ways of living. You will find yourself thinking about other things, but it takes time. Work on yourself and your relationships with others. Do things just for you. That's the only thing I can tell you: No communications or seeing him and to move on with your life. It will come and you will be free again.

God bless!

Answer 2

Classic example of someone having their cake and eating it too. I'm very sorry for your loss but I'm going to give it to you striaght. From a male point of view, I don't blame him for leaving. Think about...obviously he does not love you. And if you really believe he did not cheat, then I have a few bridges I want to sell to you. HE obviously knows you well and woke one morning and decided to get on with his life-that is jumping from bed to bed and stopping by once in a while to dust you off and have a hot meal. Come on!!! You can't beat that. Your ex is no fool, that's for sure. He is enjoying the single and married life all at the same time. Do you do his laundry as well???
So my needy friend, the question becomes, if he is not the fool, then who is??? Because as I'm sure you know...somebody is the fool and it sure isn't him.
So what to do? How do you stop? Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are worth more than a bootycall. Remind yourself that God put you here for more than licking dry *** off your ex's member. Remind yourself that you are strong, beautiful, intelligent woman and starting tonight you are never going to call him again. Now get out there and meet someone that you will love you the way we are meant to be loved.
Remember...we only fall so we can learn to pick ourselves back up.

Answer 3

It's only been 7 weeks! Give yourself time. The end of a marriage is like a death except the dead keep coming back to haunt you. The first thing you have to do is see a lawyer. The husband isn't your "ex" until the divorce. Then start building a new life for yourself. It takes awhile and it won't be without pain. Thank your husband for telling you now and giving you the time to get on with your life and do things important and fulfilling, rather than wasting your time on someone who never loved you.

Answer 4

Don't worry first thing you need to do is breath and think for a sec.
O.k. you need to put the cards in the table start off by examinig your self how much value do you give yourself?...how much do you think your worth?...ect...ect.
next...after you realize you are better then him is when it will get hard.
o.k. listen you need to be strong and confident think of yourself and yourself only....If you dont kick him out and and set the rules straight he will step all over you and will take advantage of you and if you let this happend you and only you will be degrading yourself and what do you think he will do?...degrate you even more...dont let that happend if he doesnt want to stay then let him go as a dog he is and remember there is some thing better even thought you might feel like the earth is crumbling dont !!! be strong "after the storm the sun comes out" its not over you will be fine.....and when you feel destroyed inside and want to cry ...cry and look at yourself and say how good you are and Y he doesnt deserve you.....this will build up your confidence....even thought it sounds crazy it works.

Answer 5

You are not crazy, you can't just forget 13 years overnight. My advice is to break your habits. Try meeting with friends after work, or joining a gym or a book club. You have to give yourself something else to do with your time to stop thinking about him all the time. You could also spend your time volunteering, it will help distract you while doing something good for the community.

Answer 6

It will take time to heal your heart but you can do it. It took me close to a year to get over my ex. Once you do everything will be fine. Maybe take a class or something to keep yourself from thinking about things. In the long run he is the one that made the mistake. Plus, that bullshit that "it's not me it's him" is just his excuse for whatever it is that he is doing that, in the back of his mind, he will most certainly regret and he knows it. Good Luck to you and just try to focus on your own life. It's hard but it will be OK.

Answer 7

BEFORE YOU END UP PREGNANT.......unless of course u already have children......move, just enough to make it too inconvientent for you and him..... u will meet new people, and stop thinking about the heartache he is causing you...i lost my son and am still living...i know you can do this.... if you have children then u have a connection that cannot be broken, nor shouldn't be unless he's abusive or nuts.

Answer 8

Stop enabling him to remain in a juvenile stage. Be strong enough to seek other social outlets--try to figure out your interests, volunteer, take a course in something you've been curious about, buy new clothes, pay attn to your self. Do not cook, clean, have sex with him. You have given him "permission," to be unfaithful to your marriage and to disrespect you. He will soon have to decide on which life he wants---unless of course, you continue to provide him with the comforts and benefits of a marriage without any responsibility in return. Please find ways to occupy your time and just like a child, when he figures out he can't "play" you, he will straighten out.

Answer 9

He doesn't want to be married anymore, he told you the reason why. I know it hurts but I wouldn't him back, he is damaged goods. Let whoever he is sleeping with wash them funky shorts and cook for him, JUST LEAVE THAT MISTER ALONE. HE NO LONGER WANTS YOU. Your asking for a nervous breakdown, go see a a Doctor and he will refer to a Neurologist not a Psychiatrist,. He is probably more mixed up than you are.

Answer 10

You can't expect to break 13 years of habits so quickly. You need to work on your self-esteem and realize you deserve to be treated with love and respect, neither of which you are getting from him. Next time you want to call him, call a friend you can count on to talk you out of it. Once you realize you are a valuable and wonderful person, you won't want to be with him anymore.