If marriage is inherently religious, should I get a divorce?

Question

Should I instead opt for a "civil union?" My husband is my soul mate, and I love him more than anyhting else. I don't ever want to let him go. But, since I am not religious, should we get a divorce and get a "civil union" instead? I have seen more religious people that are homosexual denied marriage, yet I, a non-religious heterosexual, am allowed it. It isn't fair. So, what is marriage truly? What is it for me, since religion doesn't really play a part in my marriage? How would a civil union be different?

And please, if you're going to answer me, don't try to convert me. I've heard it all, and my beliefs are what feel right in my soul. I am a good person and I have no problem with you as long as you're a good person too.



I'm putting this question in Society and Culture so that more of the religious people will see it. I honestly want their perspective.

The divorce part of this was mostly to prove a point. While it would make an interesting and powerful staement, I would not divorce my soulmate.

Answer 1

Marriage isn't necessarily inherently religious. My husband and I are atheists, so the religious aspect means nothing to us. My husband understood before we married that I wasn't just going to shack up with him, that I wanted a committed relationship with all it entails (legally and otherwise). He had no problem with it and we've been married going on six years. I guess for me, being married meant that I was willing to make a public statement about how much I love my husband, and my willingness and desire to be responsible to and with him.

Thank you for being so candid about your non-religious preference. You can be a credible, decent loving individual and not be religious. Goodness and religion are not mutually exclusive.

Answer 2

Marriage is more a legal thing than a religious one. In the old vows the woman became the mans property when they got married, it's only been pretty recent the the vow Obey was taken out of the ceremony (in most cases). That's part of the problem with gay marriage. The laws are usually written that a marriage is between a man and a woman. Now the laws need to be changed in order for gay marriage to be legalized, and that's going to take a while since most people use religion as a reason to not legalize it. It's not fair, but a lot of things in life are not fair. Look how long it took for black people to have the same rights as everyone else, or how long it took before men would "allow" women to vote? Changing society's view and opinions is a long and tedious process. Nobody likes change, whether or not it's for the better of the people it effects. I believe some day, gay marriage will be legal all over, but not for a long time to come yet. You divorcing your husband to get a civil union, won't change that. Honestly I have no idea what the difference is between a civil union and marriage. I always thought them to be the same thing.

Answer 3

The way I see it, marriage is not inherently religious. Maybe it was originally, but today the state recognizes a civil union while the church recognizes a religious union. Most marriages just happen to overlap so we use the same word for both.

The question of whether to 'boycott' the institution of civil marriage until it is available to all, is an interesting question that I too have considered... haven't thought about it recently since I've been single for a while. But either way I wouldn't recommend divorce as a means of protest if you're already married, that just doesn't make sense.

Answer 4

I, myself, am a happily married atheist. My vows were to my wife--not God. I honestly think that religion can force people to live miserable lives with people that they aren't happy with... but I also can't help wondering why you're considering divorce with a man that you descibe as your "soul mate, and I love him more than anything else."

Since you're asking for viewpoints concerning marriage, mine is that it's all about commitment. While you each maintain your individuality (which is where many marriages go wrong), you're also a team that attacks the day-to-day problems together. You keep the lines of communication as open as possible, and avoid launching personal attacks while having a disagreement. My wife is my best friend, and we do nearly everything together. Well, almost: She's reading a book while I'm typing this!

If you love your husband, and he loves you back, there's always some way to find harmony again. Start talking to him about the things he used to do that attracted you to him. Ask him what he most misses about the person you were when you met. Take walks together "just because." Leave a love letter in his lunchbox or jacket pocket. Don't be afraid to make the first step--he may not know what to do, either, and react quite favorably to it.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Marriage itself has NOTHING to do with religion. Marriage started out as a form of "barter" between the father of daughter's and prospective mates. In ancinet times males were regarded higher than females, in fact females infants were often murdered because feeding them would mean taking food from a male born child. When a female child reached puberty fathers would offer a "dowry", (which is where the tradtion of father's paying for the wedding comes from), to any man who would take the daughter off his hands. Prospective husbands were granted land, lifestock, food, whatever would get the child out of her father's home. That is why older men had much younger wives.
Marriage itself is nothing more than a contract. It is the CEREMONY performed on the marriage that is religious in nature. One can have a civil union without mention of any diety at all.

Answer 6

Marriage is greater a criminal venture than a non secular one. in the previous vows the female grew to alter into the mans sources while they have been given married, that is only been extraordinarily recent the the vow Obey replace into taken out of the ceremony (in maximum situations). it rather is portion of the priority with gay marriage. The rules are in many cases written that a marriage is between a guy and a female. Now the guidelines might desire to get replaced to ensure that gay marriage to be legalized, and that's going to take a whilst when you consider that maximum folk use faith as a reason to not legalize it. that is not straightforward, yet assorted issues in existence at the instant are not straightforward. seem how long it took for black people to have a similar rights as all people else, or how long it took in the previous adult adult males might "enable" women to vote? changing society's view and evaluations is a protracted and tedious technique. no one likes replace, no rely if or not that is for the greater advantageous of the persons it outcomes. i think some day, gay marriage would be criminal throughout, yet not for a protracted time to return yet. You divorcing your husband to get a civil union, won't replace that. unquestionably I have no thought what the adaptation is between a civil union and marriage. I consistently theory them to be a similar venture.

Answer 7

I always thought marriage to be a union between a man and a women before witnesses and God. Not sure where you are going with this. God created marriage between a man and women as it is supposed to involve making children as well as love and commitment. Any other type of arrangement is not considered marriage. The word itself comes from God. So if you really want a civil union go for it.

I believe as a Christian it is my duty to spread the word of Jesus as He has brought me much peace. You are completely entitled to refuse. What goes on in your house as long as you are not hurting anyone is not anyone's business but your own. I feel the same about homosexuals. They are people with feelings, wants, desires, needs and love like everyone else. I do not have to agree and I also do not have to stop talking about where I have found my happiness as I would never expect you to.

I pray you have a lovely day.

Answer 8

Marriage is considered a sacrement w/in the Church (a holy action, like baptism, confession, communion, &c.). In the state it is a contract between a man and a woman that they shall be loyal to each-other and support each-other and possibly reproduce. Other than the reproduction thing (which is actually not what a civil union is) homosexual people should be allowed to civil unions just like heterosexual people. The states shan't force the church to do so however (because in the sacrement of marriage one is encouraged to reproduce, actually, other than love and devotion, it's one of the main points of the thing) because that would be a violation of seperation of church and state.
I think that you may want to get a civil union if that is what you think that you should get. If some of your family, or his family, would like you to get married in a Church however I would do so. Unless you would feel wrong commiting yourself in a way that you don't believe in.


edit:
Is your husband religious? If he is then I would probably be married in temple to be respectful of him and his beliefs. Respect is very important in marriage.

Answer 9

OK, I'm not religious... Never have been, never will be. To me, marriage is a "legal" thing more than anything else. There are financial and legal benefits to be gained from being "officially" married, and they have nothing to do with either religion, or "true love". I suppose, it's a cynical way to look at things. But I'm a practical person.

I have nothing against "gay" marriage, they should be able to get married if they choose to - and I believe that very soon it'll be possible.

Answer 10

I also being a very spiritual person and not so much religious.................Think this is a very, very good question for society. I think perhaps the divorce and union are being a bit tooooo much but it makes a heck of a statement in how silly they can sound sometimes.

PS......If I got the divorce I am not so sure I would get the union!! lol