i have nothing to complain about so why do i feel down.?

Question

i have an extremly large family and if they do not call to tell me the very lastest gossip or if they do not include me in everything such as 2 or more girls doing something together, my feelings get really really hurt. i have a very full life, i work full time, i party every weekend yet it hurts me if i am not ALWAYS included in everything my family does. i know its childish but my feelings get hurt and i find it really really hard to make the hurt feelings go away. any suggestions to help in letting go of this rediculous behavoir.

Answer 1

I think it's called egocentrism.

There is a world outside the self, you know.

Not being the centre of attention means you can focus on others.

How about giving that a go?

Answer 2

Are you the baby of the family? Usually, the last one gets all of the attention and when this does not happen they do feel their world is at an end.

On the other hand, you could be just plain bored. This happens, you know.

All the same, you obviously do love your family and this is good and rare - the way you describe the getting together to chat and do things. Lots of families today forget how to love on each other and they all go off into their own little corners. I should know. This is even more unhealthy than missing them to the extent you explain.

Keep on missing them and loving them and calling them - when they do not call you. But, you must learn that they cannot be available as you wish, every time you wish. Try to resist that "Poor me!" bug when it tries to bite you next time. Tell yourself "I can do it! I can be a big girl, starting now!"

Don't expect instant results, but believe me, you can and will win this battle within yourself.

Answer 3

I don't think it is ridiculous and I certainly don't think it is childish either. However, based on MY definition of gossip, I do think it is bad to want to get together to gossip... is that normal?

I think you have been conditioned to be this way, meaning obviously there was a time when you WERE included in everything and that is how you were raised. So of course, naturally this is something that will bother you as it changes. Changes are sometimes hard on the emotions ESPECIALLY when family related.

You can either take it hard, be mad and not accomplish anything .. or you can take it easy and move forward, broaden your horizons.

Why don't you be the planner and plan some get togethers yourself? That way you are always be included!

OR

You can simply tell your family how you feel.

OR

You can concentrate on friends.. or life.. .your future.. dating.. get a pet.. find a new hobby...etc.

Good luck

Answer 4

That's cute. I've lived in St. Louis for almost 15 years now and I've been away from my family who lives in Pennsylvania more than half my life. I've grown accustomed to not speaking to them or seeing them. However, I know they're there and we still love each other. You obviously have a very good life when the only thing that can really upset you is when you're not included in the family gossip. I envy you.

Answer 5

Maybe you should call them to catch up on the family gossip. Besides there is nothing wrong with your feelings. We all want to be a part of something bigger than we are. Does your family have a reason for leaving you out of the loop? Practice good values about some issues.

Answer 6

Maybe you feel down because even if you have nothing to complain about you may not have enough (or the right type of) things to be joyous about either. People need certain types of happiness-producing events/situations to nurture their spirit.

Working full-time and partying every weekend isn't necessarily a full life (within the context of finding emotional wholeness).

The thing with feeling hurt is something only you (and maybe a counselor) can figure out. You need to identify what is so important about being told what people are doing, what it is that makes you feel hurt when you're not included, and what may have gone on in your childhood that set up this type of thinking you have now.

This is pure guessing on my part (as someone who has life experience and a certain amount of common sense but certainly no credentials when it comes to this type of thing), so keep that in mind, please:

I'm guessing your family established some type of closeness by talking about what everyone was doing. Maybe there was even an element of talking negatively about people who weren't there, and maybe somehow the idea that not being there might make someone an outsider when the others discussed/judged what she was or wasn't doing took hold.

I'm guessing, too, you're still young - late teens, early twenties?
You may be intellectually mature enough to recognize that your behavior should be different, but you may not be emotionally mature enough to want to feel too separate from your family just yet. You may have come to associate your own lifestyle as differentiating you from your family, and you may not be emotionally ready to be quite as "differentiated" as you feel.

Using the words "feelings get hurt" is something that leads me to believe you have some level of emotional need that - mature or not - still exists; because emotionally mature and solid people don't interpret slights (even perceived slights) as "hurt feelings". They feel beyond having their feelings hurt and are more likely to feel aggravated or a little angry at perceived slights.

Not long ago a PBS special on the brain showed how teenagers and people in their early twenties still may not have mature pre-frontal cortexes, and as a result may interpret other people's actions incorrectly (among other things that result from the immature brain). If, by any chance, you're someone with a few of your own issues left from childhood or from issues between you and your family its reasonable to assume they could further complicate matters.

Your family may believe if you're working full-time and partying every weekend you've lost interest in the gossip about others. They may even think you don't have time to be talking too often now.

You probably got some kind of reassurance or sense of belonging from your family's being close and big, and although you may have built your own life you may not be getting that reassurance you once could have gotten by the "this is what we do" mentality that your family established.

If you get "feelings hurt" that suggests some type of insecurity you have, either one that is just in your personality or else one that is new because of your changed situation. Many people from large families don't quite get the degree of attention people from smaller families get, and as a result many do seem to have a few more insecurities that are kind of just there.

Think about things like why you may have insecurities and whether they would be from something like wanting to belong to a group or gaining part of your identity from the size of the group (something people of smaller families don't do as much) or whether they're from your latest living situation. Think about group behavior and how groups sometimes do exclude the person who has moved on in some way. Ask if you're really "hurt" or instead "insecure", and then ask why. Ask if you're angry or if you feel threatened. The answers to questions like this may lead you to your own questions and eventually answers.

Sometimes there's just a discrepancy and even a conflict between a person's normal wish/need to build her own life and the need to still be a part of one's roots. Sometijmes, too, the more things change the more someone feels a need to hang onto some of the old things.

Finally, ask yourself what you want from life, from people, and from relationships; and what you think is important in life. You may have overestimated the degree of fulfillment a full-time job and/or the chance to party every weekend brings to people; and maybe your present lifestyle "looks good on paper" or if "intellectually satisfying" but that doesn't mean it is completely emotionally satisifying.

If, by any chance, you're someone with a not-quite-finished pre-frontal cortex then you may want to also know that there is a higher rate of depression in people of this age. If you're feeling "schlumpy" anyway, and then if someone does something that makes you feel crummier it would be more difficult for you to let it roll off your back if you have even a mild depression.

Those are my guesses and suggestions.