My husband and I have been married for 8 years now. We have both decided that it was best if we seperate. Now what? I feel empty and confused. I have been with him since I was 15. How do we go on and still be friends for the kids sake? Nothing bad happened between us, nobody cheated or anything like that. It just feels like everything has changed between us like the love isn't the same as it always was. We never wanted to hurt eachother...but why do I feel so bad? Please help...any advice will be great.
2006-10-30 05:23:07 · 24 answers · asked by ♥just me♥ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you tried marriage counseling? I think that sometimes people grow apart...and they can just as easily come back together.
2006-10-30 05:25:37 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a weekend, just the two of you, and get away. Do what it takes to save your marriage. You loved each other before, find what it was you lost. You're right though, the love isn't the same at 8 years as it is the first year. Things change, life happens. The early lust is gone. But you can get it back. Find a cozy cabin in the woods, a cabana on a deserted beach, whatever you both will enjoy, and GO. Leave the kids with the grandparents, take some vacation days from work, and go focus on each other. You can work it out.
2006-10-30 13:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by shojo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you be separating if neither of you did anything wrong? I would seek counseling before you do something like that.
I was married for 16 years and there are times when you feel like the love is gone but it's still there. I don't think people grow apart unless they want too. Your children deserve to be in a loving home and why not try your best to give them just that. Go to a marriage counselor and get that zeal again for your marriage. Go on a second honeymoon or do something where you put the sparks back in your marriage. Marriage is work and you have to continue working on it if you want it to be successfully.
Don't give up now. Do it for you and your marriage and do it for your kids. Good luck!
2006-10-30 14:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 63 years old and have been married twice. You do survive. 15 is very young to have been married and during that time both of you grew up. Your interests changed and your attitudes toward life and what you both want out of it changed. The most important thing that you have to remember is that your children didn't asked to be born and they are going to feel that they did something wrong to make you break up. You have to make sure that they understand that they aren't responsible for the situation and that you both love them. He may be divorcing you, but not the children and he needs to reassure them that he loves them too. Firstly, don't fight where they can hear, and above all make them feel secure. Go back to school and get an education, get a profession, and be independant. Take care of yourself and love yourself. It isn't the end of the world, your world is just changing. I have a good relationship with my ex, for our daughter's sake. It's a long hard process, but it can be done. My other ex is deceased, so there is no interacton there. My ex even has the holidays at my family's gatherings. So see you can make it work, if you both get an agreement to not argue and fight and stand united where the children are concerned.
2006-10-30 13:33:48 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara P 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If there was once a spark, perhaps it's still there. You just have to find it again. In the beginning of relationships it's alllll about the "honeymoon". Then time takes its tole & you begin to see the wear & tear of a relationship. Remember what it was about them that just made your head spin? Remember how they took your breath away? It's the small things in a relationship that seem to disappear in the sands of time. A relationship is all about work. If you work it, then you have an idea of where it's going. If you don't, then all those sparks die down & it just becomes a hum drum, same thing every day relationship. Instead of giving up, both of you need to get your hands dirty & find those things that attracted you to each other in the first place, then remember those things through out time. It's easier to find those sparks than to go through the emotional detachments if you don't really have to. If after you've tried that, there's still nothing there, then it's best to pick yourself up & move on. Letting go of any relationship is hard, but as time passes, so will the emotional phase.
2006-10-30 21:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by its_me_horses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you giving up on your marriage if nothing bad happened? I don't understand!!!! What happened to the commitment you made?
I understand being young and growing apart, but that happens. It can be worked out. If you love one another, you need to fight to keep your marriage together. Seperation was a mistake in my opinion. How can you work on a marriage when you live in seperate homes? No two people are 100% compatible! It doesn't exist! You will have problems and difference of opinions, it would get real boring, quickly otherwise!!!
I suggest having a heart to heart with your husband as soon as you possibly can. Tell him you love him and that you want your marriage to work! Schedule an appointment for a councelor, and keep it, even if he won't go! Ask him to move back home and fight with you for your marriage!!
Don't give up so easily! Your marriage and your family deserve more than that!!! Good luck to you!
2006-10-30 13:35:23 · answer #6 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sometimes wonder that myself.I have been married for 16years my husband and I separated for awhile to see where we were at with each other.Did we still love each other? With him, loving me he did but for me my love for him grew apart.Some of the reasoning on my part were resentments I had towards him.I find when your with someone for along time the needs and wants are different.Men want more than the woman is willing to provide only if you have the communication skills can you work this out and keep the marriage going. It's not your fault don't feel bad things have a funny way of working out.Just have to have faith today and turn a negative into a positive it just might keep a smile on your face.
2006-10-30 14:29:00 · answer #7 · answered by brown eyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you both decide it would be best to separate? Not divorce? Do you both remember your vows? Love grows cold if you don't turn up the heat. If you have the memory of why you loved him in the beginning and he you, the basic elements are there to turn things around. Sounds like you both just need to work on the romance part of your marriage. Don't separate woman. Talk to him and find out if he just needs a little romantic stimulation. I have a feeling he already knows that and may be looking for that elsewhere and doesn't want to hurt you.
2006-10-30 13:35:33 · answer #8 · answered by areyoukidding 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do hope you tried marriage counseling before you gave up on those 8 years. It sounds like you're going through some changes but aren't sure you really want it to be over. See if you guys can get some counseling because even if you do go through with the divorce you're going to be part of each others lives for a long time because of the children.You will still have to learn to deal with each other as parents. If you're not sure you're ready to give up...fight for it. The grass isn't always greeener on the other side of the fence.
2006-10-30 13:28:21 · answer #9 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love ebbs and flows in long relationships as people grow and mature. You still have lots going for you and may well find that your love will grow stronger, even though it doesn't feel like a teenage crush any more Go to counselling, spend quality time together without the children. Don't condemn them to a broken home, disturbed lives, hurt hearts because a little of the spice has gone. Stick with it.
2006-10-30 13:34:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that must be rough but sometimes people out grow eachother espcially if you guys been together since that young age. since you guys are still in good terms then be thankful for that, and now just focus on getting your life back, enroll in school, pick up a new hobbie or join some type of womans group or volunteer for things at your childs school, just keep yourself buisy so you don't have time to feel lonely and befor you know in you'll have a life of just your own. i've been through this and that helped me alot. just be strong and look at the bright side some divorces or horrriable be thankful you didn't have to exsperience that....
2006-10-30 13:30:19 · answer #11 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋