Hello. I don't know where else to ask this so here goes:
I have been married for 6 years to a great guy. We are both very happy in our marriage and I love him with all of my heart. Recently though, I have started to daydream about my past boyfriends (who by the way, were all of a different race). I had great physical chemistry with one in particular and decided to give him a call a couple of weeks ago - just as a friend. We have been talking on the phone ever since and although we both do not want to endanger our current relationships, we both agree that our physical relationship was better than the ones we currently have.
I would never do anything to hurt my husband or risk my marriage, but I am soooo tempted to be with my ex again. To be honest, his body is much better than my husbands and he is much more handsome. If my husband were to never find out, no harm right?
2006-10-30 05:15:25 · 24 answers · asked by Laura 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! Didn't think I would get bashed so quickly, but I expected it.
The reason I want to do this is purely physical - my ex is much better endowed than my husband and know what to do in bed. I have spent 7 years trying to teach him, but after 2 minutes its over! Now just because our sex life isn't all that great, does that mean I don't love him? I do love him and our life together. But just because I do love him, does that mean I should be unfufilled physcially for the rest of my life?
2006-10-30 05:33:33 · update #1
GO FOR IT !!
I understand & I would if I could. its risky but you need what you need...
2006-10-30 06:07:04 · answer #1 · answered by poisondragon 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one, especially not a woman, can have just a physical affair without any emotional attachment. Either way, it is definitely not okay. The grass always looks greener, but you need to realize that another man is no different. It's normal to fantasize and wonder "what if", but do not risk your marriage! There's a reason why you married your husband and not any of the other men, think about that. If needed, talk to your husband in an abstract or hypothetical way. Don't tell him you're thinking of these other men, or thinking of cheating, but don't be afraid to tell him that you need more excitement, or whatever. Good communication is the best place to start. You may find out that opening the conversation improves things dramatically for both of you. The physical connection you had with your ex may have been great, but obviously everything wasn't so you need to think about what that was. If you do cheat (because that's what it is), then at least be an adult and leave your husband, he deserves to know the truth if it comes to that, and taking his dignity is wrong, too. If needed, get counseling (for you or both you and your husband). Maybe it goes deeper than just sex, and you owe it to your marriage to find out.
2006-10-30 05:29:17 · answer #2 · answered by But Inside I'm Screaming 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WRONG!!! And you sound like a teenager, saying that this man's body is so much better than your husband's. Grow up! If you didn't want the responsibility or commitment of a marriage, why the heck did you get married? You say you would never do anything to hurt your husband or risk your marriage, but the simple fact that you called this other man is RISKING YOUR MARRIAGE. HELLO?????
2006-10-30 05:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first line in your second paragraph totally contradicts the last. Some day your husband will find out. He will become suspicious and no longer trust you. You will be risking your marriage. If, for some reason, your husband is blind to your infidelity will you be able to live with the guilt?
It's one thing to fantasize. Everyone does it but to act on it with someone else will only end in heartbreak. To answer your initial question: it may only be physical to you but to your husband it will be beyond emotional.
Put yourself in your husbands shoes. Would you appreciate your husband sneaking around with an ex of his? How would you feel if he says it was only "physical" to him, it didn't mean anything?
There are always consequences to every action we take. Are you prepared to risk everything you worked for to revisit the past?
2006-10-30 05:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by Ersabette 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
an affair in any way at all is not alright. how would u feel if he was doing that to u? there would be alot of harm there wouldnt there? the best thing to do is stay clear of the other guy or talk to ur husband about what ur feeling or just get a divorce. cheating scars people for life. Do u really want to put your husband in that much pain because u want to have a fling. think of him before you make any kind on intimate decisions.
2006-10-30 05:26:06 · answer #5 · answered by le_le_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course there is harm. Don't you think your husband would be hurt if he found out about this? Why don't you try talking to your husband about ways to improve your sex life. You both have moved on for one reason or another so I suggest you keep it that way or you both could end up with broken relationships that can't be repaired. Cheating is cheating whether you get caught or not and hurts more than you realize.
2006-10-30 05:25:03 · answer #6 · answered by notfreeinnh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends what meaning does marriage have to you. Different people place different meanings on promise and committment. I personally don't expect my husband to be "perfect" in every way - the truth is, there's always someone out there with a "better" body, "better" sexual skills, "better" job, "better" disposition, you name it. But if you spend your time chasing the "better" everywhere else, what will be left of your marriage? Might as well stay single, I'd say. Then you can have a little bit of "the best" from a lot of people.
2006-10-30 05:32:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are playing with fire. If you are really happy in your marriage I can't understand why you would do this. I have to assume you are not really happy. If you do this you are risking your marriage and potentially hurting your husband. If you are comfortable with that then move forward. I don't think a physical relationship would be worth hurting someone you love. I'd be more sympathetic if you said you did not love your husband and loved the old boyfriend.
2006-10-30 05:19:50 · answer #8 · answered by I'm Trying 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So, the sex was good big deal. Obviously he wasn't the one or otherwise he wouldn't be the ex. You need to ask yourself if you really want a husband or a sex slave. Sounds to me like you are not in love with your husband. Hell, anyone can have sex, it takes a lot to have a relationship. You need to really think about what you are doing. You are about to throw your marriage away for a roll in the sack.
2006-10-30 05:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No harm right????????? My dear lots of harm is there. First wont you feel guilty when you sleep with your husband and secondly when and how will it stop? After destroying you and your happy marriage?Believe me since you sound so willing your boyfriend has no problems in taking you up on it..after all he is your ex. And why the way if he is that good why did you break up? Stop dreaming and wake up to your happy marriage and teach your husband how to satisfy you.
2006-10-30 05:23:09 · answer #10 · answered by dawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You put yourself in a situation in which temptation is knocking on your door, yet you don't want to hurt your husband? You're treading dangerous waters of your own making. Choose. Husband or other guy. Simple as that. You can't have your cake and eat it too without expecting to pay the price. Either you love your husband or you don't. Not trying to berate you, just showing you a little "tough love."
2006-10-30 05:21:01 · answer #11 · answered by shojo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋