earlier i ran into the mother of my friend who is an extremely intelligent, good-natured and sensitive girl but whose life is not working out. she suffers from severe depression and there may also be something else. I know where it comes from; the relationship with her mom. It makes me so depressed to know it may be too late. I've tried to help her but either her mom intervenes or she just doesn't have enough strength to pursue a path to a brighter future and she is already 26. I won't go into detail regarding everything about her life because it would be too long but it breaks my heart to know that somebody so beautiful could have a completely different life if they were brought up in a healthy family environment (she can't study, doesn't go out, she's always at home or at the doc's.
What are your thoughts on that & remember - you can't judge someone's life from your perspective and the kind of person you are. Some people just can't try as hard as you can.
Thanx.
2006-10-30 04:49:05 · 6 answers · asked by Eden 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I don't think "screwed" is on George Carlin's list of things you can't say on yASShoo.
I think everyone has there lives screwed up by family members every now and then.
Also, don't be a budinski. They have Doctors to solve other people's problems.
2006-10-30 04:53:59 · answer #1 · answered by Duncarin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This rings very familiar bells. It's not too late for your friend. She may not have the strength right now to pursue a brighter future but she can work towards it a day at a time.
How does her mum intervene? Is it possible her mum is unconsciously 'keeping' her daughter with her to maintain control because she either can't or won't encourage her daughter's independence?
Has your friend had counselling? If so, but it didn't work out,maybe it wasn't the right kind of counselling for her. There's a huge variety.
I think your friend needs to do some self questioning; what is it that stops her from taking one small step? What are her fears? Often when people ar asked this, they say 'I don't know' when in fact if they look deeply....they do. They just didn't realise it.
When she has the answer to that she will be able to tackle it and begin to move on...at her pace.
You're a caring person to hang around when your friend is going through this, many don't you know.
Best wishes.
2006-10-30 13:46:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know just what you mean. Parents can do a lot of psychological damage. The first 5 years of our life are the most important for shaping the people we will become. It's when we learn about the world & our place in it. As you grow up, parents continue to be your role models & where you get your sense of security & self-worth.
I grew up with a very passive, uninvolved father & an EXTREMELY negative, depressed mother. She was very neurotic & afraid of everything & tried to make her children the same way. She discouraged me everytime I tried to do anything positive for myself, anything that would mean growth or getting away from her. She crippled my confidence to the point where it was hard to do anything.
It's taken me many years to get away from her & make a life on my own & I think she's still the negative voice in my head, but I've learned to forgive her. I know she couldn't help the way she was. I know that in her own way she loved me. She was just very unhappy & fearful (her father passed away when she was young & much of her insecurity seemed to stem from that). She chose to live in a box & be afraid of everything. Things still scare me but I force myself to do them because I don't want a sheltered life.
I wish your friend the best. The important thing is to be strong & try to get away from the negative influence. We don't get to choose our parents. But we can choose how we react to the damage & we can choose how to live the rest of our lives. People can overcome great obstacles.
I still love my mom but I see now how much she stifled me throughout my life. In some ways though, her negativity pushed me to excel (in school). Nothing was ever good enough so I kept trying to be better to win her approval (& still never really won it). Maybe I wouldn't have gotten A's or won awards if she'd been easy on me. Then again, I might have been happy & well-adjusted, taken more risks, spread my wings & flown a lot sooner! Oh well. We all have our stories. Some worse than others. I don't think anyone has a perfect family!
2006-10-30 15:37:40 · answer #3 · answered by amp 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too bad that the ones who hurt you the most are your friends and family, at least that a saying you always hear. Funny that you mention this situation, i have a friend in a similar boat, except she's about 37 years old. My advice to her and you is to get some counseling, its not a unique situation, trust me.
2006-10-30 14:39:27 · answer #4 · answered by Its not me Its u 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how hard it is to stand by and watch someone you care about be in pain. The only things you can really do are pray for her, and be there if she should call on you for help. I wish you and your friend the best of luck.
2006-10-30 12:59:27 · answer #5 · answered by kittykittykitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, s****ing up your own life without any help from anyone but yourself...
2006-10-30 12:52:02 · answer #6 · answered by boots 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋