My husband had a one time affair two years ago. He was really sorry and long story short, I decided to stay, I have 4 kids and think that a dad is really important (even if he hardly helps at all with parenting). Four days ago, my 12 year old son was on the computer and found evidence of computer porn. By investigating, I found the times they were made was the times my husband was on. I don't get it, I keep myself looking beautiful, satisfy him in bed often, take really good care of him, and treat him with respect. I don't know how to handle it because he will deny it and lie about it and NEVER admit to it. I have trouble trusting him again. I'm afraid his porn habit will lead to something again. What do I do?
2006-10-30 04:42:01 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it is time you start looking good for yourself. You keep saying that everything you do is for him. What has he done for you but make a fool out of you. You said it yourself, he will deny it and he will, they always do. Your children do need a father, but not one that is going to cheat on their mom. What is that saying to your boys and how they are supposed to treat women when they grow up. If you stay because of the children then you are doing everything for everybody else and nothing for you. If you are not happy your children will pick up on that. Finding porn on the computer was not a good thing. Your husband is into things that give him pleasure and your are around to do the dirty work. COOK, CLEAN, LAUNDRY, BED DOWN WITH HIM, PLEASE HIM, and RAISE HIS KIDS. He has it made. You can continue this way and keep him happy or you can change things and make you and your children happy. Because believe me, your children are not happy. They know something is going on. It's up to you. Good luck.
2006-10-30 04:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure i would of stayed if my husband cheated but i want to say good for you!!! i bet it was very difficult but you have managed to stick it out and hang in there so congrats! i have found my husband looking at porn and i get all pissed off and throw a big fit but once he realised why or how i felt he doesn't do it as much... i hate the fact my husband look's at porn but i found that no matter what there gonna look sometimes and i guess I'd rather it be some girl who is famous for being a porn star then my neighbour.I'm not saying its OK at all and if my husband cheated i might be like no way but you guys have made it this far just talk to him and tell him how you feel. you might want to also set some privacy stuff where everyone can log on as them with some age requirements set by you because you don't want your children looking at porn or any web sites like that .good luck with your family!
2006-10-30 05:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by hand family 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that your son found it on the computer and called it to your attention.Tell him that you don't think that it is a good idea to be watching porn when you have children who also use the computer. Ask him if your not pleasing enough for him that he has to watch porn and tell him that it makes you feel uneasy and makes you think that he is back to his old ways. Ask him just what he wants and expects form you and how can you keep him from off the porn sights.
2006-10-30 04:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by lisa b 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Adultry begins in the heart. Lust for another woman is adultry. Nothing physical even has to happen for him to be cheating. He is giving imaginary women on the internet the attention he should be giving you. Pornography is a drug, and drugs cause addiction. Pornography is never ok for families, and when one has an addiction to it, it degrades the entire family. Your husband is commiting adultry in his heart and mind with these other women. You need help, hon. Is there someone in your church you can talk to? If you do approach your husband about it, do NOT start off accusing. Use "I" statements. Say "I found something on the computer I'm concerned about" rather than "You've been porn surfing you POS"
2006-10-30 04:53:22 · answer #4 · answered by shojo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would be fairly pissed off, but i wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. i can understand that you are probably more annoyed because of his affair, and understandably so.
i know that my on-off boyfriend looks at porn fairly frequently, but i haven't got an issue with it because i do too.
however, most men do look at pornography now and again. it's extremely selfish of him to do so on a family computer though. if he wont admit to it, you need to be having words with him about trust.
it really is no wonder that you have issues trusting him. most women do have problems with it after their man has an affair, and it can take a hell of a long time to restore the original trust in him afterwards.
don't take the pornography issue personally though, as it usually has nothing to do with how a man views his partner. if you don't want to confront him, try letting him watch you admiring men in the street and making comments about their appearance.
make sure he doesn't feel that because he's got away with one affair, he can do it again.
2006-10-30 04:48:21 · answer #5 · answered by livingthelie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Porn is not real, true and some use it for entertainment, but I believe that it can be bad for a relationship, when the person viewing it doesn't want to believe this is not real, all set up and chances are in life sex will not be this way.
2006-10-30 05:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by poppyspock 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just want to point out that porn is not a bad thing. Have you ever tried to watch it with him. Even though porn may seem bad or discusting. To be blunt what you wont do another women will . And if you love your husband get freaky atleast it will be with the man you love. Respect the fact that he has sexual disires. Who knows maybe you will like some of the thing he comes up with . As far as you not trusting him you cant take someone back and then make there life hell if you forgave him. You have to trust him or it will end anyway. But he doesnt watch porn cus you are not pretty. He watch because he loves sex most men are like that. Its not you honey thats just men they love sex . My husband and I have sex everyday and we watch porn together. And we are very close have a wounderful sex life. He looks at other women, and guess what I dont mind cus he is mine. It is in our nature to look at the oppisite sex. Porn is not bad he wont cheat because of porn he will cheat if you arnt doing something he wants or he is not satisfied.
2006-10-30 04:57:59 · answer #7 · answered by Mandy L 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
It's a fact of life that most guys like to look at porn - men are very stimulated visually while women tend to prefer more mental or tactile stimulation.
Looking at porn is no reflection on you - if he's like most guys he regards you and porn as two totally different routes to arousal... you're not rivals in his mind.
But you're right that in some cases it may lead to him wanting to live out the fantasies that he gets from porn... perhaps by meeting women from chatrooms and so forth.
If he's likely to deny looking at porn then take the view that if you can't beat them, join them... bring home some porn and suggest that you look at it together... ask if he would like you to dress or behave like the girls do in the video etc etc... that way you will become the reality of his fantasies.
If you confront him about it in a hostile way then he'll probably say he'll stop and then carry on but be more careful not to get caught again.
2006-10-30 04:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Porn is natural for any guy. Don't fret over it. You are gonna have trust issues because of what happened. But honestly let him have porn, you have a better chance of it not happening again, unless you deny him that. Good luck
2006-10-30 05:17:23 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Amanda♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all it does not matter if you look absolutely beautiful or you "just let yourself go".
The point of the matter is most not all guys like to look at porn. Let him alone about it! for goodness sakes. Has he given you any reason to think more about it?
Perhaps you should start looking at it together or something. If you have a huge hangup about this then that could explain some past behaviors.
I am not trying to be mean to you. It is just that he is probably trying very, very hard to make you happy and act according to your rules. Give him a break! Try something new with him. Let him be a man. I am sure he is trying!
2006-10-30 04:49:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋