When my husband & 1st wife split, she took their 5yr old girl (only child) & disappered for 5 months. When he got her back, he felt so bad, what she had gone through. She was sleeping with him, she would cry & he would give her anything. Its not as bad as it was, but the sleeping with us at night. For awhille I had her in her own room all night for 5-6 weeks, then we watched a show on TV in bed, now I can't get him to put her in her bed. He says the feeling of her needing him helps with making up for what she went through. My complain is we sleep on a queen bed, he is 220 lbs, I'm 140 lbs, both are 5' 8", & she is 45 lbs, a 5 yr old. I wake up to his knee wedged in my back or a leg over my lower back , or a arm wraped around my head.He is a logger, excavater, a big guy. If he & I go to bed alone, its onely for a few hours. But I cant get him to put her back. Now I'm the geluase one, & don't understand the bond they have, ect. What do I do?
2006-10-30 04:31:14 · 16 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Regardless of the bond a parent has with a child, they don't belong in your bed. This is not teaching them anything, but basically if they whine enough they will get their way. There is nothing that will make up for him not being in her life for 5 months. What is done is in the past. He would be wise to teach her the proper rules in the house as will build character and respect in the child. She has her own bed and that's where she should sleep. There are so many other ways to show this child love. The best is a good up bringing. You are in a hard position, seems like you are caught in between, if he cared enough about you to marry you and bring his daughter into your life, he should care enough about you to include you in the raising of this child.
2006-10-30 04:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by june clever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try putting her to bed and lying in bed with her reading to her 'till she falls asleep, even if it takes an hour or two. That way you can get your alone time with you husband and if she comes in later and it's too crowded, just move to her bed. It's all about compromise. Being a step parent is THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD!!!! You have to pick your battles carefully. you must be very patient. As long as nothing wierd is going on, being "understanding and supportive" will strengthen your relationship with both of them. Don't compete, you'll lose. You're the 2nd wife, she's the daughter for life. The easiest solution is to get a bigger bed .The do nothing solution is to just wait it out. In a couple of years she'll want to sleep in her own bed anyway. Dr. Phil"s book "Family First" might help.
2006-10-30 13:05:36 · answer #2 · answered by Rumproast 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion a 5 year old should be sleeping in her own bed. Its ok if she crys it will not kill her and your husband is only gonna make it worse by spoiling her in that way. Kids at a young age need to find independence what better then for them to sleep on there own. Your husband should really think about your feelings I know how hard it can be to be a stepmom and bottom line your husband should listen to you. People over look how hard it is for the other women I just point that out.
2006-10-30 12:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by Mandy L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 5 year old should not be sleeping in any bed except her own. You can compromise by putting a toddler bed next to yours and do that for a few months. The next step would be to get the child into her own room.
2006-10-30 12:34:42 · answer #4 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The point is the child is 5 yrs old. She should sleep in a bed of her own. She's her own person, and not physically attached. She needs to start being independent-so that later in life-she'll be well adjusted to go out into the world without Mommy and Daddy attached to her.
2006-10-30 12:35:14 · answer #5 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Father and child is an unbreakable bond that cannot be understood unless you have children yourself. He feels guilty and wants her close. You married this man knowing the baggage he had (a child). You need to accept whats going on and be supportive. If its that physically uncomfortable for you to all sleep together, than I suggest you taking her bed for a while. Tell him you understand his feelings, but your not getting any rest with things the way they are. This may be an incentive for him to eventually get her in her own bed.
Just be patient.
2006-10-30 12:35:48 · answer #6 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to wean her. Maybe get a toddler bed and put it at the foot of your bed. Eventually you can make a big deal about getting her a big girl bed and decorating her room. Make it a day when it is you and her. It is hard having a kid in your bed. Not to mention what it does for your love life. Tell him that he isn't the one who hurt his daughter. He doesn't need to feel bad for it. Good Luck with that.
2006-10-30 12:42:55 · answer #7 · answered by kimmypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for a child of her age to want to sleep with the parent yes it is time for her to start sleeping on her own but because of what he and she went through those five months i can understand what they are feeling. If i were you i would let them have there moment would it be a problem if the child was the both of yours?
2006-10-30 12:46:18 · answer #8 · answered by L@M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. explain your side and dont make him or her to be the bad guy, just explain that yes she went through bad times but he is now just letting those events run your lives and isn't moving on so that life seems normal again. the little girl needs to get back to a normal life where she was before everything happened. i can see her climbing in when she had a nightmare but everynight is past normal
2006-10-30 12:36:25 · answer #9 · answered by soccerbabe_angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him he must make her sleep in her own room. If he doesn't, when she gets in the bed with ya'll, just go and get on the couch. When he asks why, tell him you cannot sleep comfortable in the bed with all 3 of you in it. She is big enough to sleep by herself, and she just needs to get used to the idea of doing so.
2006-10-30 12:36:23 · answer #10 · answered by LittleLady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋