He told me he was seperated when I first met him in which I found out they were stll together a couple of weeks later. Even after I found this out I continued to see him. Things were fine between us until I told him I was going to keep the baby. Then he began to threaten me if I didn't abort. Even after I was too far along to abort he told to put baby up for adoption. When I told him I was going to keep it he informed me that he didn't want to have anything else to do with me and don't call him when baby is born because it was low down of me to keep baby after I told him I wouldn't keep it. My family wants me to put him om child support, but I promised him I wouldn't do that. Plus I'm afraid that things would get really ugly if his wife were to find out. This is not the first child he has had outside of his marriage. He's a police officer and my house is on his beat, which I have not lived at my house for the past two months. But I would be afraid to move back after I give birth.
2006-10-30 04:15:44 · 47 answers · asked by divalicious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You owe this man nothing. As for child support, this is for your child not you. If it causes problems in his marriage so what. You're not the first or the last for him. Maybe his wife needs to find out. Don't try to push him to have anything to do with the child but do make him support the child. The child should be the most important thing right now.
2006-10-30 04:19:51 · answer #1 · answered by kathy p 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dang, that's serious. Well, after the baby is born, I would put child support on him. I believe you will need a DNA test first. The wife deserves to know. I mean, I would want to know if my husband was out whoring around and getting the women pregnant. He needs to be responsible for his actions, for sure. If nothing else, make him own up to his responsibilities. Its not about you anymore, its about the baby. If you need the help and support, take it. If not, then go on with your life and raise the baby on your own. As for threatening you, try to record it or something. That way you have proof and will be taken seriously.
As far as you messing around with a married guy...that's wrong. I mean, put yourself in the wife's shoes. After you found out he was married, you should have bolted. I'm sorry, I know you're going through some things right about now, so I'll leave it alone. Best of luck to you and your baby.
2006-10-30 04:25:45 · answer #2 · answered by shondak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every child has a right to know who his father is. And every man has the right to choose whether he wants to have a child. That's your dilemna.
You took away the man's choice and in the process put yourself and your child in a dangerous situation. Since you are keeping the baby and he has threatened you, file a restraining order against the father. Stop all contact with him.
Even though he asked not to know about the child, when your child is born have a letter delivered to his place of employment with the birthdate, name and other vital information about your child (maybe a snapshot). I recommend putting no father on the birth certificate. Don't initiate any communication with him.
Decide whether you are going to file for support or do this on your own and make sure it's a decision you can live with and stick with it. Remember, if you file for support and identify him as the father, you also give him rights to the child. He sounds like the kind of man who would use your child to hurt you... and trust me, he can do it. It would be best if he has no legal rights to your child, at this time.
As for your son, he needs to know who his father is, so keep the dad's contact information.
2006-10-30 04:34:51 · answer #3 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move and talk to a lawyer. He's the father and even though he wants nothing to do with you or the child, he still has a responsibility to help support him/her. Why would you promise to release him from child support? hmmmm, I guess both of should have thought about the wife a little sooner. But don't let that bother you -- she's gonna find out anyway.
2006-10-30 04:23:37 · answer #4 · answered by Celt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I'd go with the advise of April G. And add somethings you probably didn't think of: few guys want to have much to do with a lady with a kid in any kind of a permanent way.... guys think other guy's babies are baggage, big time. SOOOOOOOO There is nothing worse than being a single mom, except being a black single mom..... it says you're into entrapment. You are facing diapers, crying kid, making ends meet, frustration beyond your wildest dreams when this kid gets older, hastles in court, yadayadayada. You will be alone, without a permanent partner for a vveeeerrrrrry long time. You are looking at child care problems, getting a job, juggling that with a kid..... lady, you have no idea how miserable your life as a single mom will be. And there is no way you can be much of a parent. That he has had other children outside of his marriage means that he has screwed other women who do not look out for their own best interests by using birth control. You asked for advise. In your shoes, I would have opted for an early abortion, no problem. Now that that time is over for you, stop thinking about yourself....believe anyone who will tell you that being a single parent in the pits. Taught school for 25 years, --- every single one of these kids living in a home with just a mom always wished they had been in another situation. Single moms have short tempers, and all of these kids were damaged ---- ALL. They say moms screwing new boyfriends in the home, her getting beaten, to just mom not having much fun, and them not either. If you want the next 20 years of your life to be wasted, gone, and you resentful, keep the kid. If you want the best for your child, and a good shot at yourself having a nice life, with a guy who is free, and can give, do the right thing... give your child to a loving couple.... Good luck, sweetie.
2006-10-30 04:55:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Give your baby up for adoption if you cannot raise the baby yourself and with help of friends and family.
Keep your baby if you ARE able to raise the baby yourself and with help from friends and family WITHOUT child support.
I personally don't believe a father should have to pay child support if they are not involved with the child at all... but that's just me. It's ok though, things always have a way of working out. He'll get his karma in the future in one way or another, especially when your baby becomes an adult... you'll see.
Tell his wife and/or notify authorities (internal investigators) newspapers etc. Threats should never be tolerated. If anything were to happen to you, they'd know who to suspect.
2006-10-30 04:25:41 · answer #6 · answered by lady from the other day 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would still go for the child support it isn't just your responsibility to take care of the child..if he didn't want to take the chance and have a child outside of his marriage then he shouldn't be cheating on his wife.you have every right to keep the baby and he has every right to help you pay for it.it prob. will cause some problems w/ his wife but that is his own fault common sense tells you there are consequences if you cheat and get caught..his wife has a right to know as well, about the cheating and the baby...i am sure it prob. will be difficult for everyone involved but like i said you have a right to child support, he has a right to pay, and his wife has a right to know..good luck...have a happy life w/ you and your baby
2006-10-30 04:22:05 · answer #7 · answered by destinymoon_16 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not contact him or his wife. We can't always pick who we fall for, but we are always accountable for our choices when we know the facts. "separated" is not divorced, so people in that status are not available for real relationships, and should not be operating like they are free. Plus, he is a repeat offender?!!! There is absolutely no chance of a "relationship" with him. He is just a sexual predator, and working you over but good. He doesn't want to be found out, and above all, pay any consequences for his behavior. Get your head straight about that. You are an object to him, not a person.
The child support from a man already paying for one would be minimal. Do you have enough of a family support system to raise this child on your own? I wouldn't want to claim a sexual predator as my child's parent. I wouldn't want to give him legal rights to my child. I wouldn't want to have to see him for any reason. I did fine without child support. I raised my child with good values and in a loving home free of strife.
Only you can judge how dangerous it is for you to remain in the area once you have the child.
Get help to get your head on straight--most bullies are powerless.
2006-10-30 04:50:49 · answer #8 · answered by realjustice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this is the 21st century. Birth control is easily available, as is Plan B. What WERE you thinking????? --- that you could trap this guy into marrying you....????? Forget the fact that he was or was not separated, he was married, hon.
You have no right to tell his wife, this pregnancy was your little plan -- you just never told him. Do everyone a favor, including yourself: Wash your hands of this guy, put the baby up for adoption so that it will have a way better life than you would EVER be able to give it. Stop thinking about you.....It isn't about you anymore, hon, it's about a better life for a kid that was unplanned. Now do some planning for this child, and PLAN to give it a better life. Yup, you could take it to court, and he'd have to pay child support, and your future with this guy will go on forever. Just how much pain do you want??????? Give the child a chance at a better life, get on with yours, and in the future, when having sexual relation, remember: "What do they call people who don't use birth control?" parents. And at this point in your life, you wouldn't make a very good one....
2006-10-30 04:27:16 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Please, re-think child support. Once you have the baby, you're going to need it. Health care is deathly expensive, and you shouldn't have to pay it all yourself. He made a huge mistake (and has done it before). He knows what he got himself into, and should suffer for being careless and inconsiderate.
He does not get to chose whether you abort, keep, or adopt out the baby. It comes from your body; it's your creation, so you just do as you see fit. It was not bad of you to make your own decision- in fact, it shows remarkable courage on your part.
2006-10-30 04:21:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋