We have been together for over 8 and a half years. We have a 2 1/2 year old son and have been trying to conceive. We have generally always had a very healthy relationship...no major problems. Besides our son he is my life. Our friends and family think and say that we belong together. Yadda yadda yadda.... Anyways in the last couple of months he started lying to me about little things. I don't mean anything major but stupid little things. I don't get really mad at him when I find out but I do get upset and let him know it. Then the next day everything is fine. I don't want him to get the impression that it is ok to do this....but I don't want to make a huge deal of it either. It reminds me of dealing with a child, you want to punish them so they don't do it again, yet you don't want to in fear of pushing them away. I hope that someone can help me.....PLEASE!!!!
2006-10-30 03:45:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The stupid little things are how much money he has in his bank account (there is no reason for him to lie our accounts are linked so he knows that I will find out), or whether he talked to my mom or not, or if he has a headache. When I said stupid little things I meant it. I am not at all concerned about him cheating on me. We are always together and he doesn't have any friends that he goes out with (like a guy's night out). He has friends but none that he can really stand. We pretty much keep to ourselves, I'm thinking that he is becoming absent minded or something...I don't know....
2006-10-30 04:13:40 · update #1
I feel ______ when you ______ because______
Just fill in the blanks and say it to him
this works and helps get the message across. Its a good way to start the discussion also.
2006-10-30 03:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I hate to say this, but if he is lying to you, he is going to keep on lying to you. You are telling him it is OK to lie about little things Big or little a lie is a lie. What is this teaching your child it is OK to tell a little lie, just don't tell a big one. You are better off making a big deal of this now than you are waiting around for a big lie, and it turns into a very big ugly scene. Your friends and family are not the ones that has to live with him. Why are you taking this to friends and family, when you are the one that has to make up your own mind. Forget what other people think or say, and decide what you want. Do you want to live with someone that has to lie to you in the first place. Maybe he has lied all along and you are just now seeing it. Are you trying to get your friends, and family involved to see if you should stay together or not? or see if they are going to fell the same about it or not. I think you ought to stop and see what you are going to be happy with then decide what you want to do about it. When you act like there is nothing wrong the next day, you are saying you can lie to me but wait until tomorrow and it will be ok.
2006-10-30 12:19:27 · answer #2 · answered by CHEROKEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him how important honesty is to you. If he's lying about the little things - he may be lying about other things as well. You need to be able to trust him. There's nothing wrong with that. Try getting a night for just the two of you. It's so much harder to talk with you have a child around. When it comes time to talk about it don't approach the subject with anger. Just let him know that you feel it's important to discuss this, how much you love him and important it is that he's always honest with you.
2006-10-30 11:53:16 · answer #3 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him that you need to talk and that it's serious. Make him sit down and listen to you. Or if you have a problem communicating verbally in a calm way , write him a letter. Just make sure he understands that this is important to you. Let him know that what he's doing is making you unhappy. His behavior might mean something or it might mean nothing, but you just need to know why he has started lying. There is no need for yelling or shouting, just two adults talking.
2006-10-30 12:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is suddenly lying about little things, he may be hiding a bigger thing!!! (such as cheating) You need to sit him down and ask why he has started lying to you about these "small" things. If you don't stop this now it will only get worse! You need to know WHY he is lying!
2006-10-30 11:59:10 · answer #5 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it helps to understand why your boyfriend is lying. Typically, it is driven by fear of disapproval... If you want to get your boyfriend to tell you the truth, there are many things you can do to make it easier for him to be honest... the "truth about deception" lists many techniques for getting people to be more truthful.
2006-11-01 01:12:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask him why and work out this problem before it turns serious.
Why are you planning children with a man who has not committed himself fully to you yet? And is now lying to you about small stuff?
2006-10-30 11:49:30 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What are the stupid little things?.......in my experience with ex partner it was....going out with mates more, saying he'd be home for 12 and didn't pole in till 4!, ignoring my phone calls, making calls on his mobile out of earshot of me......stupid little things end up being big things towards the end!...do your homework, keep tabs on him...he'll never know your checking up on him! and if he his doing things he shouldn't...move on sweet ...good luck
2006-10-30 12:01:20 · answer #8 · answered by Just passing the time! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ash him why he is lying. Once the lying starts, they cant stop it. He thinks oh well, she/he will never find out. And so on. Just confront your boyfriend, and lay it on the line.
2006-10-30 12:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by moose lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are "playing house" by having kids without the benefit of marriage. Why don't you play "grown up" by realizing what the problem is and doing something about it instead of asking total strangers what to do.
2006-10-30 11:52:21 · answer #10 · answered by DMBthatsme 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would tell him to get lost, if he keeps on trying to come back and disturb you tell the cops. There is no use staying with him if he is going to lie to you. GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-30 11:54:34 · answer #11 · answered by R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋