out of hand son with ADHD?

Question

My son is 11 years old and has ADHD . His attitude is realy getting out of hand. I know hes getting older and puberty is about to kick in but i feel like pulling my hair out! He back talks and argues with everything I say. I cant get him to do anything without a fight.If it gets worse when they turn into teenagers I'm not sure how I'll handle it.I've tried every punishment I can think of. I've tried grounding, yelling, talking, begging, spanking. please help! For both our sakes. We have an appointment next month with the doctor and yes he takes medicatoin for his ADHD.

Answer 1

It's so hard. My ADHD kid is 14. The best thing for us is when I make sure he knows that when he misbehaves and doesn't listen and makes things rediculously hard for me, that he gets nothing. No rides, no money, no traets, no friends over, I have even gone as far as letting his laundry go down to the bare minimum. He had no clean clothes (That he liked) And I told him that that's what he was doing to me. Not fullfilliing his responsibilities...Making thing SO difficult by avoiding chores and homework, not listening, being disrespectful, not wantinting to go to bed at night, missing the bus, etc. It's the method that has worked the best for us, but, man, things are still tough and they probably always will be.

Answer 2

Look, Sweetnytm... has it proper on!!! The men and women who're pronouncing wouldn't have your little one evaluated have no idea what they're speakme approximately. My daughter has ADHD and it took a few years and lots of exceptional medicines earlier than we determined the proper one. She is now 12 and doing a lot higher. Some children quite do want meds, however a few do exceptional with out. If the remedy made your child like a zombie it used to be mostly too prime of a dose. The School district by means of legislation have to furnish the whole assessment's that they wish, and if you do not like the primary outcome you'll request that they be performed once more with exceptional medical professionals and evaluators and the university district have to pay for them. Don't allow the university attempt to railroad you into doing anything your no longer secure with. Evaluations do not harm any one, they may be able to most effective support whilst performed by means of specialists. If your son does have ADHD the university have to increase an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for him.

Answer 3

The best way to deal with a kid who is talking back and arguing is to not argue. (After you make sure that your rules are reasonable and that you are listening to his point of view. If not, do so.) Do not give up your authority by engaging in arguments with a child.

Or you say- I can't talk to you when you speak to me like that.

The book "How to Talk So KIds will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" would help you a lot.

You are wanting him to gain self-control and you have totally lost control, completely demonstrating to him that you expect something of him you are not capable of. Pretty scary.

You've gotten yourself into a terrible cycle - spanking an 11 year old is sexual abuse, get a hold of yourself. This stuff has nothing to do with ADHD. It's about how you handle your role as a parent and how you teach him to act.

If you want a completely crushed spirit in a totally resentful child, just keep doing it your way. If you want different results, stop everything you are doing.

Answer 4

welcome to my world!!! I have a 15 almmost 16 year old son with ADHD,O.D.D(obstructive defiant disorder) and let me tell you now that he is this age i think i have pullrd out all my hair and the ones i haven't are grey. I found that the not listening and doing as he pleases comes honestly with the age. Just think back to when you were a teen. Parents are dumb and no nothing lol hopefully he grows out of this soon and Good luck to you cuz i know how it is and sometimes you feel like you gotta runaway!! Just stay cool and try ur hardest to contain urself from stress and frustration.

Answer 5

It is really important for the child to respect his parents. And I say this not for your egos, but for the child upon entering school or dealing with authority later on in his life. The way he sees your parental authority will be the cornerstone of his outlook on life when dealing with society.
Also, respect for you must be maintained if you want your child to accept your values when he reaches his teen years, and equally important, you must be worthy of his respect during his younger years. If a child can successfully defy his parents during his first fifteen years of life, laughing in your face and stubbornly flouting your authority, he probably will develop contempt for you.
Everytime your child outsmarts you or wins confrontations and battles, the more likely he will demonstrate his disrespect. Because he feels that you are not deserving of his respect. And this is where the so-called " generation gap " comes in, it's a breakdown of mutual respect and it brings painful consequences.
We all know that inappropriate discipline can do irrevocable damage to a child and it should be avoided at all costs. However, you cannot inflict permanent damage to your son if you follow this advice: Let your son know in advance what is and what is not acceptable behavior; when he chooses to challenge your boundaries, give him good reason to regret, and at all times demonstrate love and affection and understanding. ( You got to convince yourself that this punishment is not something that your doing to him but rather, something that your doing FOR him.) In other words, " I love you too much to let you behave like that."
It is extremely important for you to step up to the " home plate " now, because in reality the proper time to " disarm a teenage time-bomb " is usually 12 years before it arrives. Often more, than not, a rebellious teenager is a teenager whose parents have done everything wrong for him and " he hates his parents " and his parents don't understand why.
Parents of today generally are so busy with their own lives and often neglect their parental obligation to the child and the end result is what you see today with juvenile delinquincy on the rise.
It is also important to know that your son's definace may contain a message such as, " are you in charge or am I?" It will be up to you to answer that, and you can do it decisively. Never shrink back from your boundaries, this is what will build respect between you and your son. A parent's demonstration of authority builds respect like nothing else. Also the best time to communicate with your son would be after the punishment. This is essential as it will let your son know that it was his behavior and not him that warranted the punishment.
Also true because of his age never enact punishment in front of his friends or belittle him in front of his friends.
Speaking from experience, I am a foster mom and I've raised three kids of my own ( two of them boys), some of whom are respectable citizens today with good jobs. Bottom line and I'll say this until my end, Respect from your kids is mandatory on all levels, if respect is not forthcoming I will make sure that you've no reason to disrespect my respect. I have raised more kids than I can count on my fingers who have had A D D and whatever, discipline needs to be enforced to have any child feel secure and loved and he needs to know that someone loves him enough to care about him.
God Bless.

Answer 6

I think the key here is just to be consistent.. Stay calm, and make sure the punishment fits the crime. Just let him know that if he gets an attitude with you, he will have something he likes taken away from him, and MAKE SURE YOU TAKE IT. My sister has huge problems with her daughters (who arent adhd) and its because she eventually gives in to them when they whine and get nasty because she doesnt feel like the argument. She also lets the attitude go or just talks to them in the same nasty tone which keeps the uglyness flying.... Just be calm and patient, and also, explain to him that his behavior is really hurting your feelings. It sounds like it doesnt work, but trust me, give it time and it will. Good luck!

Answer 7

Hello, Tryn looking into these resources for ADHD.
Some new ADHD dyslexia test anxiety learning strategies resources and movies:
A new video about a new concept in helping ADHD naturally and testing for ADHD using GSR Biofeedback was just published as a CD movie. The resource is with Amazon.com " Guide For GSR Biofeedback for the Natural ADHD Practitioner".
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/9659025149/
"BEING IN CONTROL:Natural Techniques For Increasing Your Potential And Creativity For Success In School."
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/9659025114/
"Being In Control : Natural Solutions For ADHD Dyslexia and Test Anxiety'.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/9659025130/

Answer 8

hang in there dear, i have 15 and 8 year old boys, both ADHD on meds also, alot of it is age right now, but if he is anything like my oldest, try asking him to do one thing at a time, "take the trash out" then when he is done ask the next thing, i notice that when i say "take the trash out, clean your room, then do your homework" the only thing that gets done is the trash, i have to stay on him everyday, with home and school, when he talks back and rolls his eyes, just say you will not talk to me like that, then walk away, he wants you to argue with him, really it sounds stupid but it gives him power to win, treat him like a baby, ask everything, did you clean your room, brush your teeth, do your, math, english, science, ect, detailed questions one at a time, and remember you are the adult and stick to you guns, good luck and hang in there

Answer 9

well it sounds to me like he is just being a pre-pubescent. he is trying to "be his own" and trying to get you to see him as that. If he wants to act like a grown up and make his own decisions, let him. Make it his responsibility to do certain things and if he doesnt do it, then he faces the consequences. But you may be able to go find a behavioral therapist that may give you some suggestions to use for your son. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

How can you possibly listen to strangers and let them judge and label your 6 YEAR OLD! How can you knowingly DRUG YOUR 6 YEAR OLD! Pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrist have gone to bed to create one the biggest profit centers in the history of legal drugs.

Ask yourself this question and really think about the answer. What kind of society drugs its’ children to force their compliance with the system? Drugging has become a tool of conformity and control.

The DEA found that methylphenidate had nearly identical effects on humans as amphetamines and cocaine.

This powerful stimulant, that has the highest abuse potential and dependence profile of all drugs that have medical usefulness, is prescribed mostly to children. By the mid nineties, methylphenidate sales leveled off at 11 million prescriptions per year. Around that time the sales of other amphetamines (primarily Adderall, used for treatment ADD and ADHD) increased from 1.3 million prescriptions in 1996 to 6 million prescriptions by 2000. According to United Nations data the United States of America consumes 85% of all methylphenidate production. Of this 85%, 80% is prescribed to children. Apparently, ADD and ADHD are not common afflictions in other parts of the world.

In 1985, 500,000 American kids were diagnosed with ADHD. Today, between over 7 million children in the United States are labeled with this disorder.

What happened in the nine years between 1991 and 2000? In 1991, the United States Department of Education made children with ADD and ADHD eligible for special education services under the Individuals with Disabilities Act. In 1991, kids diagnosed with ADHD or ADD became eligible and entitled to extra government funding for their schools. School districts across America now had a financial incentive to label kids with ADD and ADHD.

It is pretty clear that we have become a society that drugs its’ children for financial gain and to force compliance with the system. Schools have a financial incentive, but why would parents drug their kids? Some parents who resist are threatened by schools and social workers. They are told refusing to medicate their kids is akin to abuse.

Many parents cooperate in the drugging of their children, because if their kids have a “disease”, it is not the parent’s fault. Behavior problems are the parent’s fault, while a disease is out of their control. Parents are labeling their kids, so they do not have to take the responsibility for their child’s behavior. This behavior may be nothing more than rebellion to conformity, but nonetheless embarrassing to the parents. Support groups for parents further these beliefs. Not surprisingly, groups like CHADD, Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, are funded by Ciba/Novartis, maker of Ritalin.

Worse yet, they are teaching these kids that they are not responsible for their behavior either. If they misbehave, it is the disease in control. Then they drug the kid and credit the medication for his good behavior. These drugged kids become nothing but shells of human beings, not responsible for themselves and addicted to powerful drugs.

ADD is not even a real disease. According to Merriam- Webster’s Dictionary, ADD is a syndrome of disordered learning and disruptive behavior that is not caused by any serious underlying physical or mental disorder and that has several subtypes characterized primarily by inattentiveness or primarily by hyperactivity and impulsive behavior or by the significant expression of both. There are no physical or chemical abnormalities conclusively associated with ADHD.

Diagnosis of ADD comes from observation of the subject. How can you diagnosis a mental disorder, like attention deficit, by observation of physical activity? The people who diagnose children do not have any idea of the mental functioning of the subject’s brain. By the syndrome’s name it implies that the subject can not keep his attention focused, he has lack of attention. You could possibly say a person’s attention was not on a certain subject, but that does not mean his attention wasn’t totally focused on something else.

Some neurologists believe ADD is a sham. Fred A. Baughman, Jr., M.D., a Chief of Neurology (Board Certified) Fellow, and a member of the American Academy of Neurology said, “In numbers unmatched in any part of the world, U.S. school children are diagnosed and drugged in a quid pro quo association between education and for-profit psychiatry and psychology. Labeled ‘brain-diseased’, the schools have an excuse for the rampant illiteracy and unpreparedness, cause enough for the mounting unhappiness and failure of the children, while psychiatry/psychology gains lifetime patients….. Parents, wake up! Do you really believe that your child, seemingly normal until eight (the average age of diagnosis) has a ‘brain disease’ due to a ‘chemical imbalance of the brain’, diagnosed by a teacher? I don't think so. .... As a child neurologist for 35 years, I have authored original descriptions of real diseases characterized by objective abnormalities. Witnessing the burgeoning numbers of school children said to have A.D.D. and made to take brain-altering drugs, I have found I can validate none of it.”

Over 5 million little “square peg” children line up every morning to swallow down powerful drugs. ADD and ADHD would be better labeled PDD, Parental Deficit Disorder.
You want to dissolve yourself of the responsibility of raising your child. If someone told you there was only one way to save your child of this stigma and save him from years of pain and dysfunction was to remove him from school and tell him you love everyday, would you do it?