What are some good questions to take into consideration or ask a potential spouse prior to getting engaged/married?
2006-10-30 02:50:09 · 15 answers · asked by sandberg42 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ask if his/her parents are still married. Divorce seems to be incredibly genetic. Once it rears its ugly head in one generation, it seems to rear its head in future generations. Especially if one of the parents has 3 or more spouses.
Marriage is one the most difficult, painful, infuriating experiences a person ever enters into, willingly. It is also one of the few experiences a person enters into which can be so rewarding, wonderful, enriching, calming, caring, teaming, etc.
You just need to find a mate who realizes that there can be long periods of negative that must be lived through in order to realize the joys of long term commitment.
I've been married now for 16 years (we've been together almost 20 years now), and both my folks and my wife's folks are still married (52 and 45 years). If we didn't have this stability behind us, we would have split years ago. We even went though a 9 month period where we lived in the same house, but didn't talk to each other (or anything else, either). I finally scheduled some marriage counselling, and it seemed to work. On our 2nd or 3rd session, my wife was just waiting to pounce on how bad I was, but I interrupted her and said "let's look at some of the things we're doing right: we have only mortgage debt, we have good investments for retirement, we have wonderful children, we work together well as parents, we have not drug or alcohol problems. . . The problem is that we don't want to be around each other anymore." Well, that was about 6 year ago, and we're still married -- and talking.
2006-10-30 03:05:06 · answer #1 · answered by Steve G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want any children? Just because she has a working uterus doesn't mean that she wants to have children. And more so these days more and more people are speaking up about not having children. Usually this is a deal breaker in some relationships and is also a major cause of stress and unhappiness in relationships. If one of you wants to have children and the other doesn't, it will do no good to try to 'convince' or 'persuade' the other into having children because the person that has decided against it has put more thought into what it actually takes to have and raise children than the one that decided on an impluse.
2006-10-30 10:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel it's crucial to explore where the two of you stand on such issues as religious faith, money management, whether or not you both want to have children, and anything else that either of you feel is important.
Too many people just jump into marriage with a lot of assumptions, only to find that they're poles apart on very important issues.
Be sure to find out how a potential mate feels about theses things, then decide if you can live with differing views or not.
2006-10-30 12:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by Chrispy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want children? How many?
Are you a mama's boy?
Will you be giving me an allowance of $500-2000 per month?
Will be on the internet for more than 1 hour everyday?
Are you addicted to porn?
Are you homely? or do you intend to go out almost every night after work and leaving me alone at home?
Will you help me with housework?
Will you be making a will that assigns me as the sole beneficiary of your estate?
If we were to divorce, will you let me have the kids?
Will you be wanting sex with me regularly and not lose interest after a year or so?
Will you be gainfully employed all our married life?
Are you addicted to drugs? alcohol? etc.
2006-10-31 06:15:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was shot in the head and became a vegitable for the rest of my life, would you change my diapers?
Would you pull the plug if I previously told you I didn't want to live?
Do you like oral sex?
Do you like giving oral sex ?
Is you family rich?
Will I have to support your mother? Do you think she will EVER move in with us?
Are you religious?
If your penis/vagina suddenly fell off / closed up due to disease, would they still want you ? Why?
OJ...... guilty or innocent?
Why are we still in Iraq?
Why do reporters pay attention to Paris Hilton?
Each of you make a list of your goals, hobbies, passions, interests, everything from kids, politics, tv show, charities...where you see yourself in 10-20 years. Compare them.
Do they make bodily noises? Sniffs, throat clearing, burps, stomach gurggles, chewing noises.... They might be just slighty quirky now, but wait 10 -20 years.
After they use the bathroom... I mean REALLY use it, walk in and take a big whiff. Can you still breathe? Are you on the floor choking? This will mean a lot in years to come.
2006-10-30 11:34:31 · answer #5 · answered by Use another Nickname 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Would they be willing to go to premarital counseling with you?
2. How they feel about having / not having children?
3. Can they live independently (financially, emotionally) of you?
4. Would you trust them with your life?
5. Do they have any traits or qualities that you hope marriage will change? (Always a bad thing to ignore)
6. Do they make you laugh?
2006-10-30 10:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want kids? How are the bills going to be divided--who will pay on what? What kind of things do you want and need from a spouse? Basically, just see do your life goals match up.
2006-10-30 11:53:35 · answer #7 · answered by loveangel22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want to have kids, how they will be raised. how many, kids. disciplining. basically anything you can think of! Who will be the main person when dealing with bills. Things about going church. Family holidays. A good idea might be write down ten things that are important to you, or you believe in.
exp: Spend Christmas day with parents, miss behaved child will or will not be spanked.
2006-10-30 10:59:34 · answer #8 · answered by laura s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Must ask questions:
-Joint or separate checkking accounts?
- Distribution of household responsabilities
- Distribution of household expenses
- Kid? Yes - no. If yes? When? How many?
- Pets. Cat/dog/None? How many? Responsabilities
- Renting vs buying a home.
- Religious preference and attendance of church
Good luck
2006-10-30 10:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What are your finances like?
Debt - how much?
Do you want to own a home?
Do you want to build a nest egg fast or slow?
How much savings do you have?
How much money do you make?
What is your credit rating?
Who is to handle the bills?
How much do you spend a monthly not including bills?
2006-10-30 11:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋