Is it possible to give to much of you to them. example: you always finding yourself doing for them. And wanting to do for them. Just to make them happy or want to. Or is that JUST HOW LOVE IS? AND COULD THAT BE WHY THE BREAK-UP IS TAKING A TOLL ON ME.
2006-10-30 02:00:03 · 10 answers · asked by ? 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There is some give and take in a healthy relationship, some doing for the other. But yes, it is possible to give so much that you lose your individual identity and exist only as an adjunct to the other, serving their needs. Its a classic hallmark of codependency.
I was in a similar relationship for 10 years, and only after it ended did I realize just how much of myself, my thoughts, feelings, wants and desires I had given up or squelched in order to serve him and the relationship. Looking back now, I can see just how unhealthy the relationship was for me, and friends have commented how much happier and lighter I seem now.
I would suggest reading "CoDependent No More" and seeing if you recognize yourself in any of its described behaviors. There are also co-dependent meetings nationwide (called "CODA" or "Co-Dependents Anonymous") that you might find helpful.
2006-10-30 02:11:04 · answer #1 · answered by dougeebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've often told my girlfriend of 2 yrs that I think I love her too much. The emotions that I have for her are overpowering and very intense at times. For the first time in my life I can truely tell you that I've put my whole self into a relationship and there are times when it is draining. I wouldn't change how I do things in this relationship, though. I love her so intently that I WANT to give. I know that if we broke up it would be agonizing to try and move on and get over. I think it's only natural for a break-up to be difficult. You put so much of yourself into it that when it's all said and done you feel empty. It will take you a while to find yourself again but you will. Just allow yourself to grieve and hurt. I think that's the only way a person can truely heal is to allow one's self to grieve.
2006-10-30 02:04:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
gay, straight, whatever... yes you can give too much.
Before you can have any healthy relationship, you have to be happy on your own, know who you are, what you want, and do not settle for less. You have to recognize the balance in a relationship, there should always be a fair amount of give & take. When you start going out of your way to 'make them happy' and they are not reciprocating, that is not a healthy relationship. No one can "make" anyone else happy, only two people who are already happy themselves can be even better together.
Take your time to mourn the passing of this phase of your life, consider the lessons of this relationship, and move on with the wisdom of that experience. Three years is a long time, it's very normal to feel hurt, angry, disappointed, etc but it will get easier as time begins to heal.
2006-10-30 02:12:34 · answer #3 · answered by zmj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a such thing as giving too much of yourself if u arent getting just as much in return. A relationship shouldn't be 50/50 it should be 100/100. Your girl had a great thing goin for her to be with sum one such as yourself...willing & ready to give her the world. But if she wasnt doing the same for u....that's a bad deal. It is possible to become drained in a relationship.
2006-10-30 04:08:09 · answer #4 · answered by Raynebow_Diva 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three years and you got that obcessed?
That just screams of insecurity on your part.
My partner and I have been together for ten years, but that's because relationships are about give and take, making compromizes and understanding. They're about communication.
Not selflessly giving until there's no more to give. That's just allowing yourself to be a victim.
2006-10-30 02:07:22 · answer #5 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is the normal caring for a person-love and kindness,but in people who dont have a firm identity of their own they can live too much for the other person..otherwise known as Co-dependant
2006-10-30 02:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by cassiepiehoney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the line between being considerate of your partner and changing yourself to fit what someone else expects of you gets crossed... that's when it becomes unhealthy.
2006-10-30 03:34:34 · answer #7 · answered by pammy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for most people, thats just how love is, you want to please the person that you love.
this probably meant that you really did love this person and of course if you really loved them then a break-up is going to be harder on you than if you loved them only a little
2006-10-30 02:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im pretty sure this is how love is, you always think you do too much for that person and they think its not enough.
2006-10-30 02:04:39 · answer #9 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did she take the butt plugs?
2006-10-30 02:02:43 · answer #10 · answered by smiles 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋