Would it be fair for me?

Question

Okay before you judge me, I just want you to know I AM NOT lazy.

Here's the deal... I am twelve weeks pregnant and we have a 12 month old son. I work third shift (40 hours a week), and my fiance (whom I live with) works 40 hrs a week also. We are doing just fine financially right now and I am starting to feel really tired all the time, not to mention I am dealing with alot of morning sickness (that has been happening mostly at night while I am working, TOUGH LUCK HUH? ) Anyway, I have yet to talk to him, but I would really like to cut back my hours some, and maybe only work 32 hours a week (or four nights), but the thing is I don't want to bring it up to him because I feel like it wouldn't be fair for me to not have to work that extra 8 hours. Mind you financially those 8 hours wouldn't break us though. Do you feel this would be fair to my fiance? Why or why not?

PS. We share equal responsibility of our son as he works days and I work nights so that we don't have to put the child in daycare.

Yes I am serious, and yes this is the fiance's child. Also he does watch the baby (the 12 month old) in the afternoons when he gets home from work, so he does deal with him when he isn't sleeping as well.

Answer 1

You? Lazy? You have to be kidding?!

If you were a scientist creating life out of nothing in a laboratory, you would be considered to be working full time, you'd be paid a fortune, you'd have endless congratulations, and you'd win a Nobel Prize at the end of it!

You currently have three jobs - you are creating a life out of your own body, plus you have a small child (so no weekends or evenings off), plus you are working 40 hours a day at this other job. You're already a hero - I think it is fair if you want to cut the hours down on your third job.

Remember, early in a pregnancy is likely to be the time when you are most tired, but you don't get the breaks because you don't 'look' that pregnant.

Also, think of this as an extra 8 hours to hang out with your 12-month-old. (DON'T reduce his nursery or nanny-hours, though - I just mean the more well-rested you are, then the more you can both enjoy that last few special months that he is you 'only' child.)

Answer 2

This would be fair. If you weren't pregnant, then it wouldn't be fair, but you're pregneant and tired, etc...There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be able to cut down to 32 hours a week (or four nights). This would be fair because he should understand that going through pregnancy is a tough thing for most women, and you need extra rest compared to healthy women who aren't pregneant. He should understand this as you said you already have a 12 month old son, and he should remember what you were like when you were pregneant with that child. So, don't worry about it hun, it's completely fair to the both of you. Good luck and God bless your child!

Answer 3

I can see nothing wrong with working 32 hours a week. It is extremely hard to work third shift let alone....have a 12 month child to tend to. Sounds like you have your plate full at this time. Better take care of yourself now. When the second one comes around, you won't know if you are coming or going. I understand he is working also but you are doing double duty right now with carrying your baby. Remember health is the most important.

Answer 4

Of course it's fair - and then some!
He is not having to carry the child or cope with the effects of pregnancy, is he?.

Plus, I'm not sure how caring for a child when it's sleeping (as it would be for most of the time he is home) is equal to coming home & trying to squeeze your very necessary shut-eye in during the day while caring for an active baby.

If he's the kind of man you deserve, he'll be asking himself why he hasn't suggested a reduction in your hours already!

All the best to you honey. Don't take so much on yourself!

Answer 5

If its not going to hurt your family financially then you have every right to ask that. You work at night and play mom during the day all while having to protect the life growing inside you your fiance should understand.

Answer 6

I think its more than fair. Your body is going through some major changes and needs the extra rest and relaxation and you are working 24/7 because you already have child to raise. I cannot for the life of me see why he would think this is unfair, if he does he is not very considerate of your feelings (one would think). Good luck n congratulations!

Answer 7

I think it's more than fair. Your body is going through so much right now and you need rest. Working 8 hours less isn't going to make a huge financial difference but it might make a world of difference health-wise.

Answer 8

What I think is unfair is anyone judging you! I agree with the others, you and the baby's health are more important than those 8 hours of work. I think your fiance will understand.

Answer 9

YES!!! cut back on the work hours. You are pregnant! Your body is feeling tired and sick etc... I know wh at that was like. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and that little one in your tummy. I am sure that your man loves you and I am sure he understands. Talk to him, let him know what's going on, give him some credit.
-j

Answer 10

I think it's absolutely fair and your fiance should understand. It's not like you're trying to stop working altogether. Especially if this won't hurt you at all financially (and even if you did have to tighten the belt a little), I think this is okay.