men and sex HELP?

Question

i ve beeen with my husband for seven years so none of this is that new, but since we got married (14 months ago) it hasjust gotten more extreme. SEX thats it,thats all he thinks about. im tired,trust me he is not deprived, i have to give it to him at least 1 a day or hes an ***.groping,mallingand overbearing,its like hes one of the kids(constant attention)there is a time and a place for everything.
i could go on for ever about this ,but my main concern is this,porn sites. we just recent got a computer,i know what hes doing ,ive adressed it he knows my concerns,yet still does it.I feel its cheating,and its disguisting. i now find myself tring to be more intrested(even when im exhausted)just to keep him with only me.
my theory is this (its my job to get it hard) lol. am i being over SOMETHING... or does men that only think SEX SEX SEX truely have some sort of problem(like alcoholics) i feel like its putting a wedge into our marriage. can anybody relate?????????

Answer 1

What conditions exist in his life where he can surf the web every free moment at home? Does he ask you to do all the 'business' things involved in marriage - pay bills, fix things, laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc.? If he isn't doing all that, it's time he grew up fast and started giving the same 100% effort to all those tasks as he does the sex.
People - especially guys - forget that marriage is a mixture of worlds. There's the fantasy world of "gee I get to screw her 24/7/365 whenever I want - sex on demand for life" (not that any woman has ever led a man to believe that - rolling eyes) -- and then there's the real world of chores and bills and cleaning and shopping and the mechanics of a marriage. And the two violently conflict if you walk in thinking only of the sex.

So, you need to set some limits and boundaries. The pawing and constant touching is insecurity, pure and simple. Secure people do not need to define themselves constantly by sexually touching their partners. Look at why we can't stand 13 year olds at the mall. They hang on each other. They can't be apart for 2 seconds. No it isn't aww that's cute it's friggin' annoying. They are begging for attention and validation by mauling their girlfriend in front of all of us. Blecch. You feel the same when he does it to you. And he needs to know that.
So, set some limits. Tell him [1] you enjoy sex, just not when you're pouring bleach into the washing machine. [2] This marriage has a business side to it. You can't enjoy the sex until the business part is taken care of and running smoothly. He has numerous tasks to complete on the business side, then you'll play. Work first, pay all the bills, trim the hedges, take out trash, wash fold and put away laundry, dust, vacuum, empty the dishwasher, go grocery shopping, then play and no mixing business with pleasure -- not for now anyway, until you get both parts running right. Later he can maybe pinch your butt when you reach up to get cereal at Von's, but for now save it and of course go hog wild with him when you are alone. [3] The attention is great but him ignoring your requests to save sex for certain times or places completely makes you uninterested in sex, not just at the wrong time but sometimes at the right times. There's carry-over. That's bad because you want to enjoy sex (remind him of that). [4] He's got to work on feeling confident. By checking off things on his business-side To-Do list, he'll start to feel that way. He also needs a project outside your vagina he can work on and again feel secure and confident about himself with. Fix a car up, build stuff with wood -- something with the hands that does NOT involve the computer. He needs to have something like that in place by this weekend. [5] Tell him you want to try some 'couples' porn with him (if you do) - nice, not that ob-gyn exam stuff like 99% of the sleaze on the internet. Go to your mom-and-pop video store or adult shop and pick some out together. When he brings a back box cover entitled, J*zz Slurping Bi-Incest Sluts, tell him no, we're going to try the "Husband and wife make love" DVD and that the gross stuff is for guys only and makes women feel like not having sex so much they have to pay the women in it to act like they like it.

Tell him that in order to see commitment from him on this so that you don't go insane feeling like yes it's great to be wanted but my god I'm being suffocated by an erection, you guys need to spend more time on household chores than sex for a while. Perhaps a 2:1 ratio for now - an hour of chores means 30 minutes of fun (don't actually put in in an Excel spreadsheet, just a loose total) for the 2 of you. And that it can all change when you feel more free to bend over and look in the oven without getting a 'surprise' up the butt crack every time. (When you want to play in the kitchen, putter around in your lingerie. He'll probably get the hint and love it.)
And that if none of this works you are going to ask that you guys get professional help invovled. Then tell him that's a lot of info you just dropped on him and ask him for his viewpoint and why he touches you so much and listen for the next 30 minutes without interrupting.
Best of luck.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Porn is cheating to me. You look at the filth and imagine yourself there with the person on the screen. Your mind isn't on your mate, and you want your mate to perform the ridiculous things that have entered your mind through the screen actor's guild. Doesn't your husband work, or have any hobbies besides sex and porn? If he becomes more in love with the porn more than he is in love with you, it will be time to reevaluate the marriage and choose the best outcome for both of you. Good luck. i know it must be hard to compete with someone who is on a computer screen and has no real sense of what the wives at home go through.

Answer 4

Porn is based on a false reality. It is a dream. You can never satisfy that. You will never be blonde, brunette and red-head all in the same day. Your husband is dreaming of things that he won't ever have and it will continue to destroy him and you. He needs to come back to reality and realize that the only way he can fulfill all of his desires procured on the internet is to break the law a few hundred times. He needs help. This is an addiction. He will be on the never ending search for something he hasn't seen before. You need healing in your marriage. He needs to recognize that the porn is unhealthy for him, you and your marriage. He will continue to only be more distracted from life.

Answer 5

He does sound like he got a problem.
I have been married for 27 years and I am lucky if my wife has sex with me once a month, so how much is too much or too little?

ask him to be more romance and think about getting you in the mood, make him spend time think about what makes you feel sexy.

and get him off the computer put the thing in the living room were you can see what he is looking at.

also try church Tell him to remember God is watch him.

Answer 6

My daughter is having the same problem with her boyfriend/soon to be husband. He hides his porn stuff from her because he doesn't want her to know about it but she always finds it and it hurts her feelings. She gives him what she thinks he needs but I guess it is never enough. I think it is just a guy thing and I really don't understand why they are that way when they have a perfectly wonderful woman in their life that tries her best to please her man. God made man and then he made woman. I think that when he made woman it was an improvement of man. I wish you the best in this because I know it can hurt your feelings many days.

Answer 7

I take it you don't get any enjoyment out of sex? You're going to have to communicate your thoughts and concerns with your husband. Didn't you two talk about this before you got married? Youve been together for sever years and none of this was visable?

Answer 8

A man wanting sex 1/day is not too much.

Most of us men would boink our wives 2-3 times per day if we could.

Let me also guess that he wants BJs.

Well again most men would like this every day if it was offered.

Answer 9

If you love him, and you want to be with him, then you need to open your trust in him and have him trust you. Guys love sex, guys love to think about sex every 8 seconds, guys love to have sex several times a day, and get his....GUYS LOVE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR LOVED ONE once we're married. As childish and selfish as it sounds, when a guy constantly gets turned down by the mother of their children, their wife, their soulmate, a woman they think of as so beautiful, they get extremely hurt on the inside. But we're men, so we would never admit that we get hurt like that. If you choose to, just please him, have fun with him....make it fun for you.

Answer 10

Yes, I can relate..
My suggestion would be to try and keep it up with him and simultaneously try explaining that your mind and body are different from his.

Like everything what goes up also goes down (after some time) Trust me times will change on its own