My 15 year old son gives me such a hard time when it comes to doing chores. Any suggestions?

Question

My son complains that he is too tired to help around the house. I spend ALL day arguing with him and it is exhausting. I'm not asking too much, just taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher those kind of things. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Answer 1

I have 3 boys, 12, 13,and 14... I have a chore schedule for them. They do not do anything until their chores are complete (after homework of course). It was difficult at first but now they are in the routine and it works out well.

Answer 2

I have 5 kids, the oldest being 12. We go through a lot of the same stuff. My son does get an allowance but if he gets it depends on what he does (or doesn't) do. However, ALL chores do get done because not doing chores in a house with seven people "isn't an option". So he has to decide if he's doing it with no issue and getting paid 'or" not getting paid - getting a long boring talk - then having to do it anyway.

Remind him that you do a lot for him too, which is your job as a parent. However, being a part of a family requires support from all. If he doesn't get it, stop doing the little things for him so he'll understand. Meaning his laundry, putting away his clothes, after dinner is made don't serve him the food - make him get his own, picking up things he likes to snack on, rides to friends - non essentials! Show him what it's like to work together and as a team. That's what a family has to be, a team. He's at the age where he needs to have responsibility to grow into a good decent man.

Answer 3

Tell him the age old truth about life...chores suck, everyone hates them if your are 15 or 50 ,and tell him to do his part around the house or he will lose some privileges. All I know is that I am 21 and junior in college and live off campus. I miss the days when all I had to do was empty the dishwasher and take out the trash.

Answer 4

Motivate him. What does he want? Money? Computer time? Figure out what he wants from you, and make it clear that he will need to have certain chores done daily/weekly/whatever in order for you to cough up those things. Be very matter-of-fact. He'll get it eventually. Try not to nag. This works better than punishing.

If you already give him an allowance for doing nothing, tell him you're changing it to a certain amount for just being, plus more for chores. For example, if you give him $10 now, tell him you'll give him $3-5 as base, but that in order to get the rest, he'll need to have his chores done daily. Note it on a calendar if necessary. That sounds like punishment, but if you're not angry about it, you can tell him it's just how life works.

Answer 5

Tell him that he has no choice -- he must do the chores whether he complains and/or argues or not!

If he chooses do argue and complain, take away privileges from him. Ground him. Take phone privileges away. Take his cell phone away. Give him more chores! Take tv away from him. Tell him he cannot go to his buddy's house. Tell him each time he argues and complains, he must wait one additional month before he can start driving. Tell him you will buy him no clothes until he starts acting nice!

You are his boss. You support him. You can make it real rough on him, until he chooses to turn into a "good" kid.

Answer 6

Be firm, and take away privliges when he won't do the chores. Video games, going out with friends, ipod, allowance, using the phone, etc. Be firm, though. If you give in to him, then he'll keep doing it.

Tell him one time to do the chore, and explain that if it's not done, he loses something, or won't get his allowance. If he doesn't do it, mark it down as a lost privlage, but don't spend time arguing with him over it. It'll only frustrate the both of you, and make him dig his heels in further.

Answer 7

Make him go to bed earlier than he normally does if he is so tired to the point he can't do simple taking out trash and dishes. Cut off his allowance if it keeps up. I don't want to get into too much I don't know him or you and I don't want to cause anything, but that should hopefully work. Be firm and stand your ground, don't let him control you to the point you break and let him get his way. Let him know who the parent is in the house!

Answer 8

What motivates your son? If it's the phone, or video games, or TV, or cash, or whatever, then that's what you use for a reward for doing chores on time, every day, without any hassles.

Example:

Set up list of chores to be done every week. At the end of the week, if they were done on time and properly, without any hassles, then he gets a reward.

Answer 9

A big question for parents (whether they be "traditional," single, step, or grand-parents), though, is how to know when a youth is headed for more serious problems, or when bad behavior is just "a kid being a kid." Try to focus on patterns rather than an isolated event. In other words, does the behavior happen repeatedly despite efforts to change it?

The patterns signaling the need for help include not only deviant behaviors by the adolescent, but also the presence of other problems in the family or tensions at home. For example, problems in the parents' marriage or frequent fighting or hostility among the family members can also be involved in the youth's behavior problems. The problem behaviors and other family issues can interact and feed off each other, so that it is hard to tell where it started.

Of course, there are also some obvious signs that indicate the need for immediate and effective intervention, including violence against other persons or animals, or when peers are involved in destructive processes (crime, truancy, drugs). Or, a parent may simply have an instinctive feeling that something serious is happening. An important first step to find out what is going on is to try to talk to the adolescent and other family members about what is happening, possible reasons, and potential solutions. Others who know the adolescent and family, like teachers or caregivers, may also be able to provide information about the youth's mood or behaviors outside of the home to help assess the severity of the problem.

Many factors put youth and families at risk for juvenile delinquency, though they do not necessarily cause delinquency. Such factors include youth attention and hyperactivity problems and learning disorders, volatile temperament, and even the early onset of puberty and sexual development. All these factors affect the way an adolescent feels and acts and also how peers, family, and society view the adolescent. Similarly, parental problems, such as depression, substance abuse, and domestic violence can interact negatively with a youth’s developing path of delinquency. Rather than causing delinquency, factors such as these tend to place youth at increased risk, intensify the downward spiral, and in turn add to the difficulty in changing these processes for the better.

WHAT KINDS OF TREATMENTS WILL WORK?

Once you have determined that you and your loved ones need help, there are many kinds of treatment that you should explore. First, there are popular group-based, residential, and "life-experiential" options, like survival camps, boot camps, and "scared straight" programs, which have had some limited success. Research indicates that the most effective treatments, even with very difficult youth, are programs and treatments that are family-based and multisystemic. That means treatment that involves the adolescent and his or her family, and that also addresses other aspects of their lives, such as the school sys-tem, the neighborhood, peers, juvenile justice system, and even employers. In other words, it is treatment that focuses on all the parts of the youth's life that shape how he or she views the world, emphasizing family and parental support.

Treatments that focus on the family can also be useful in helping adults develop their parenting skills, deal with stress, and work on marital relationships. Many parent aids have demonstrated promising positive results. Professionals, such as family therapists, are there to help the adolescent and family gain understanding of the relationship dynamics and background issues that may be influencing the problem, and come up with solutions.
Assertive discipline, including contracting, praise, and setting consequences; and supervision, or working with teachers, and monitoring homework and friends, to ensure the child pulls their weight.

you could also try....

What can parents do?

* Try to make some tough decisions, even though you might feel your confidence has been shattered. You may not be able to change your adolescent's behaviour, but you can take a stand for what you are prepared to put up with. This is especially important if there are younger children who may be frightened by the situation.

* In thinking about fights with your teenager, work out which issues you're not prepared to budge on, what you're prepared to give way on and what you can leave for your adolescent.

* What happens when a fight is brewing? What are the warning signs? When you notice these signs, try to stay away from each other (you or your teenager might have to leave the house). Only talk about your concerns when both of you are calm.

* Try to look at issues from your adolescent's view point, no matter how unreasonable this seems. Your behaviour could be aggravating the situation, even though you don't think it could be.

* If the behaviour is out of character and fairly recent, consider what might have happened or changed lately, including any new people who've had contact with your teenager.

* Notice what your teenager does well, and tell him. Spend some time supporting what they like doing if they will let you (eg. watching them play sport).

* Consider your favourite image of your teenager. Do you still think of him/her as he/she was when he/she was little? You may need to come to grips with the fact that he/she has grown and changed since then.


All in all good luck you are not alone....i wish you the best ....

Answer 10

Me being a teenager i can say that we do have a hard time followin directions. but itis also how you come at your teen. if you come at us harshly or in the worng way then that will make us not want to do it more. if you threaten us before we do the chore we dont want to do it. if you have a history of reversing plan we wont want to do it. so take a look at those tihngs and tell me wat you think.