Can i trust him??

Question

I have been married to my husband for over 8yrs. He accidentley told me that before we were married (Just dating) that he had sex with another woman. He also confessed that since we have been together he has taken a "drug" on 2 occasions. That i know about!!!!!! If he has lied to me about these things then i'm not sure what else he has lied to me about. Should i trust him???

Answer 1

I know it is frustrating trying to trust someone that has lied to you, but there is good news...he sounds like he is a liar with a consciencous, which means he most likely has told you or will tell you most everything he feels he has done that's wrong. But it's up to you how long you put up with it. Good luck.

Answer 2

I am not sure if you should be asking if you should trust him right now or not. I think that the main thing I would worry about is if you are safe. Depending on the "drug" he used you never no 1. where it came from and 2. if he has passed something on to you. And I guess that same rule would apply for the cheating. Seriously you should get yourself checked just to be safe. Then you can start asking about if you should trust him or not. Personally I would have a lot of trouble trusting someone who doesn't trust me. I am sure your like what/?? What I mean is that he didn't trust you to talk to you and tell you that he either wanted to do drugs or that he did them. Then I would be asking myself why does he feel that he has to do drugs and if he hides something like that what else is he hiding? You are supposed to be a team, and teams don't work when only one person is putting forth all the effort. I am not saying that you should leave him or anything that’s your call. But if it were me I wouldn't like the fact that he cheated while we were dating but if I felt confident that he hasn't done it since then I guess I would look on the bright side see that if he was going to cheat at least he did it while we were dating and not after we were married. If you are unsure however if he has kept his vows then I would have MAJOR trust issues. I am sure that you won't like this part but I am just being honest. To me it sounds like he is really insecure about himself and that he is selfish. I say this because when he was doing these things he didn't seem to think of the effect that if would have on you. Plus it sounds like he did these things awhile ago, which doesn't mean that he is over them it just makes me wonder if he really loved you and trusted you then why didn't he tell you right afterwards?? You are supposed to be his best friend . Also if you do forgive him do you seriously think that you will be able to forget this? Remember forgiving is the easy part its the forgetting that is a lifetime struggle. Its a tough call and you have a lot to think through, I guess the best advise that I can give you is think about how you are going to feel in the future and take a little bit of his behavior and think selfish. What is best for you in the long run and what will make you the happiest. Good luck 2 ya!

Answer 3

I THINK AT PRESENT U R IN A DILEMMA. OKAY IF HE LIED BEFORE THEN HE'S A LIAR, THERE IS A CHANCE OF LYING AGAIN N AGAIN. BUT GOOD THING IS HE CONFESSED WHICH IS REALLY RARE. BUT I THINK ITS BETTER IF U BOTH SIT TOGETHER N SORT OUT THE MATTER CLEARLY. IN A VERY SOFT VOICE N IN A VERY NICE WAY ASK HIM THAT -- WHAT ELSE HE HAS TELL U WAS A LIE. U SAY U'LL DO NOTHING BUT FORGIVE HIM AND TELL HIM TO CONFESS EVERYTHING. AFTER THAT ITS TOTALLY UP 2 U. U JUST NEED 2 SAVE THE PRECIOUS 8 YRS OLD RELATIONSAHIP OR ELSE LEAVE EVERYTHING. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 4

I know it's hard to trust someone who decieved you and it hurts deeply. But you have to learn how to tolerate and forgive him. At least he had the courtesy to confide in you, even though it may be accidental. He also confessed, which is a good thing. Anyhow, trust is very important in a relationship. Plus, you have been married to him for 8 yrs. That's a long courtship to end just like that. So, YES you should trust him, BUT that's if he also gives in and opens up to tell the truth. If not, you really need to considerate long and hard about your relationship.

Answer 5

I don't really think it is too unusual for couples married or not to have things that the other knows nothing about. However, at the same time my instincts tell me, no you can't trust him completely. If he has/is/will do something that he feels will make you very angry then he isn't going to tell you. I feel that you would be very wise to keep your ears and eyes open. Don't treat him like he's a criminal but don't be a fool either. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 6

hiya,if it has slipped out accidently and recently after 8 years!!then its probably best left in the past,he either was going to tell you but got scared and then slipped into the bad idea of what she doesnt know!!!or he is a cheater full stop,im sure tho after all this time if you havnt picked up on anything else where women are concerned id put it down to past and try and rebuild your trust,with the drugs thing you must feel hurt knowing what hes done but i wouldnt let this ruin your relationship if however he starts using them regularly then thats adifferent matter ,i dont know your husband but you should try and trust up to where you feel you can ,he has to build the rest xx

Answer 7

yea give him the beniefit of the doubt, thing is if he hadn't have told you freely you still wouldn't know. He obviously felt comfortable enough with you at the time to bring up certain things that have happened to date.

My suggestion would be to live life for you first, and then for your relationship. Remind him everyday of the reasons as to why he married you (fiestiness and all).

Most importantly if you can try to find a way to resolve a situation without having one week long silent treatment issues, take them.

Answer 8

If you want to be with him you have to trust him or it will make things worse.Obviously he has confessed these things to you because he wants there to be trust and honesty.Those things do not come easy.All things become known.Sooner or later.What you need to do is decide whether you can live with this knowledge and grow from it or if this is the end.
This is a chance for you and your husband to become closer and if he sees he can trust you to love him still..he will be more open.

Answer 9

if you want to remain married then i would say yes you have to trust him, as for the drugs,ask him why he felt the need to take them and why he didnt tell you about them, personally i would just be upset that he never shared them with me, lol... dont look to the past for answers , think positive and look to the future, many people throw in the towel in marriage for silly things, jiust keep a close eye on him, but let him beleive you trust him, or you can wave your wedding vows goodbye

Answer 10

you should talk to him and see if he lies about stuff you already about and if he lies you then tell him you know and then tell him that you nolonger trust him. he had the chance to tell you and he lied. that is not a relationship if you lie to your partner. you should not keep anything from your partner. is there anything that you have kept for him? just give him the chance to tell you then if he doesn't make your decision after that. Good Luck!