2006-10-29 23:50:28 · 44 answers · asked by cc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have taken him back...and he has chosen to stay with you....that must tell you something.
To many of us the grass always looks greener somewhere else...but it seldom is.
It is not until you stand to lose everything that you realise how important those things are.
Counselling is often the solution...as painful as it may be you both need to know what was wrong/missing in your relationship and try to address these issues.
It won't be easy to move forward....your husband will need to try hard to regain your trust.....but if you don't try you will never know.
If it doesn't work out you can walk knowing that you have given your relationship every chance, and if it does work then your marriage will be stronger than before...It is possible to fall in love with the same person again.
I wish you both luck for your future.
2006-10-30 00:27:08 · answer #1 · answered by Jane E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well no offense but finding out your husband had an affair is one hell of a heart breaker but taken him back is another as everybody know when you have taken back a cheating partner its never the same you wont be able to trust him you will be checking up on him all the time why hes working late at the office or were hes actually going do you wanna live like that for ever that's not a life u want but if u love him and want to give it a try then good luck to you both in the near future.
2006-10-29 23:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by baby dust for me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother took back my father after him having an affair. I would not suggest that this is a good idea. The time she spent with him after this, she was full of nerves, constantly thinking about it and questioning his every move. It all ended up being too much for her and she left him, luckily though because he was still seeing the other woman. She has since moved on and is with another man and is happier then ever ... there is life on the other side, you just gotta take the plunge! It could be the best thing you ever do!
2006-10-30 01:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by Miss K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar problem. While things are still very difficult with my husband, I got some great advice from a psychologist.
He said trust yourself, and only yourself, about how much trust to give and when.
He gave an analogy, "give him $.50, and when he handles it well and pays that back, give him $1.
I believe this completely. My husband has had a lot of tough issues, and I can only deal with honesty. Sadly, we are still revolving around $.50 two years later - but the advice was invaluable. It helped me hold onto my strength and my beliefs that are so important to me in a crazy, painful time.
No matter what happens, I will always use the same advice and I am better for it - trust slowly and carefully. Hope this helps!
2006-10-29 23:59:12 · answer #4 · answered by lulu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crikey, Good luck. I took my b/f back after he slept with someone else, and our relationship has never been the same, which I suppose is only to be expected. You might find that he becomes alot more insecure, thinking that you might do the same. You are obviously serious about your relationship, as you've taken him back, so I would suggest you both go for counselling, to try and tackle the underlying issues that caused your husband to have an affair. This might also help you to come to terms with the hurt and pain that you have felt, and allows you move on. I wish you all the best, and commend you for trying to sort out your marriage rather than just packing it in, as becomes the norm in this day and age. Good Luck!
2006-10-29 23:58:08 · answer #5 · answered by iwatchedthestarsfallsilently 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No magic trick for that one and your'e not likely to forget but you can make it easier on yourself by trying to think positively about your future. The affair is in the past and you know that nothing can change that. You can only focus on the future. You obviously love him since you took him back and please don't listen to those who say "once a cheater, always a cheater". I don't know your husband or his excuse/reason for having an affair but like us women, all men are different and you can't judge them all by what others do.
Make sure you and your husband get a lot of quality time together and also give each other space.
Good luck to you both
2006-10-29 23:54:32 · answer #6 · answered by IC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really and truely, you will never get over it and eventually the jelousy and the fact that you can't trust him will eat you alive. 1 Question...... WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Once a cheater, always a cheater. You think it will work until you find out he does it again. I went through this so I know, and I'm not tring to be mean. After 5 years, I thought I knew him, but I found out he was cheating for 2 of the 5 we were together. He begged me to take him back and I did. It didn't even take him 4 months and he was back cheating again. Please think things through before you do this.
2006-10-30 00:11:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't already, you should both get checked for STDs. As long as he is being trustworthy, treat him as such. But if you start seeing the signs of him being unfaithful again - get out before you waste any more years of your life with someone who doesn't love & appreciate you
Also, make sure you have a separate bank account with some money to get you by if you suddenly need to leave (or if he does). Keep an eye on your joint accounts for odd spending habits. If he has nothing to hide, ask for his cell phone password and check his voice mail every once in awhile.
2006-10-30 00:07:36 · answer #8 · answered by I saw whatudid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never be able to forget it. You will just have to try your best and don't throw it in his face all the time. If you keep bringing it up, then you will never be able to move on. If you have taken him back, then that is the first big step. Just let things move at their own pace and take your time to learn to trust him again. Time will tell. If you truly love one another and believe it will work out again, then you'll find a way to move on.
2006-10-29 23:54:28 · answer #9 · answered by ceecee_41004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is tough. You cannot be expected to put it all behind you in a flash. You need to work through this. Marrige counciling would do good. He needs to earn your trust back. He cannot expect you to trust and believe him just on his word. You can probably benefit from some one on one therapy as well. Look up Celebrate Recovery at christian churches in your area. . .it is for anyone that has any hurts, habits, or hang ups. . .you don't have a habit, but you've been hurt and if it were me, I'd feel hung up on not being able to trust.
Good luck, honey. xoxox
2006-10-29 23:55:25 · answer #10 · answered by misskenjr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋