My husband wants to share sex with another couple or woman just for sex.But, he knows i don't want to, he looks dissapointed and he says i'm not an opened minded person.
2006-10-29 23:14:10 · 16 answers · asked by marielle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
go get yourself a noose and tie it to a sturdy tree branch ... tell him if it's swinging he wants to place the noose around his neck... and you'll happily oblige
2006-10-29 23:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Here is advice from a swinger. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for several years.
Swinging is something both of you have to want to do. A partner should never be coerced or manipulated into doing anything they don't want to do, swinging included. If they are, eventually there will be resentment. That is what love is, mutual respect and caring for your partner's feelings.
It is good that you are at least talking about it, whether or not you actually do it. It shows that your relationship is good and that you can at least talk about almost anything.
For my wife and I it was something we both wanted to do. We had a great relationship and great sex before we started swinging. We also both had fantasies that required more than two people to fulfill. So we were both on the same page and the idea excited both of us. We both have a very clearly defined idea of love and sex, though, and we both know that love does not equal sex, and sex does not equal love. We don't love each other any less than when we didn't have sex with others. In fact, our relationship has become better since we have eliminated the jealousy of sex and have defined and refined better what it is that makes a relationship work. And, as a bonus, we have even more sex with each other.
Can you trust that he really loves you? This is a common theme when one partner first broaches the subject of swinging. Why does he want to swing? If it is to expiriment and grow as a couple and if seeing you having a great time is just as exciting or more so than him having a great time, than the reasons are the correct ones. If he just wants to get with someone else than it is a selfish reason. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just means he's in this for himself. This never works.
For us, we both love watching each other, whether it's flirting with others or having sex. We are each other's favorite porn stars. When my wife is happy, I'm happy, and visa-versa. Each other's happiness is essential to our own.
Swinging isn't for everyone though. If you don't want to do it, than don't. Even in swinging on of the primary rules is "no means no". If it doesn't work for either of you individually, it doesn't work for both of you as a couple. The same should apply to everything couple related outside of swinging also. This doesn't mean you are not open-minded, it just means you don't want to share yourself or your husband. This is okay, and based on what I said above he shouldn't push the matter either.
If you are not totally turned-off by it, and would like some information from actual swingers, veteran, newbie, and just thinking about it alike, check out The Swingers Board (link below). You can access and read all the information without registering.
2006-10-30 18:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he loves you enough to trust you with his fantasy instead of just going and doing a woman behind your back. So many people fantasize stuff like that but are too embarrassed to say it out loud. He trusts you enough to ask you. OK so he was a little disappointed, wouldn't you be if he were disgusted with a fantasy you wanted? I don't look at something like that as being open minded but that it brings something hard to deal with into a marriage. A lot of jealousy issues ya know, "what if he likes her more than me?" and the "what if I like the other man more than him" so it isn't about having an open mind, it's about the worries that surround it. My husband asked me and I said no so what we do is try it in the bedroom with only me and him. Blind folds and toys and a lot of talking can help make it feel that there are more than 2 in the room and you won't have to worry about having those worries of what swinging could do to your marriage.
2006-10-30 07:58:16 · answer #3 · answered by ~*~frankie~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's one thing to be open minded to new experiences, it's another when someone tries to make you feel guilty for not trying something new because you aren't comfortable with it. He is pressuring you when he makes those disappointed looks and blames you for being closed minded. I can honestly say if he's doing that, he's not thinking of you at all. His interest in swinging is clearly one sided, with you not in the picture. You both need to talk about this, share your feelings with him about this, and if he still pressures you about it, you might want to consider marital counseling or even divorce. Good Luck.
2006-10-30 08:43:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your choice. If you do not want to do it, it will show and you will be miserable. Nowhere in the marriage vows does it say "to live the swinger lifestyle for better or worse." And if he is open-minded, he should realize that not everyone likes that lifestyle.
Sit down and talk to him. If that does not work go to marriage counseling.
Something is wrong with the relationship. It may be with him, or you, or both of you. Get help.
2006-10-30 07:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by Jack P 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can't trust someone who is openly asking you if you can break your marriage up at the very core of intimacy! If he loved you, he would only want to be intimate with you. If he knows that you don't want to consider this craziness, he should leave you alone. If he truly loves you, he wouldn't have brought this craziness up in the first place. What he is really telling you is that he thinks its alright to have sex with others outside of the marriage, and if you don't go along with it he is going to do it anyway. You are wondering if you can trust him? Dump him now before you get hurt or herpes!
2006-10-30 07:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, it must have taken alot of courage for him to ask you.
I think if you scared he doesn't love you , you are wrong , he does.
But he might need this , and you might enjoy it.
I mean personally, i haven't tried it, but if he made me feel secure and asked me. and i felt i trusted the other couple then i might try it.
You should talk to him and tell him how you feel.
tell him if he can make you overcome those insecurities, then you might consider it.
Also- I wouldn't bet he'd get offers first you know.
I can almost guarantee they both be after you.
most guys want another girl, and most girls want another girl.
And many times guys who realize they aren't getting what they thought they'd be getting , get over it FAST.
And its also very difficult to find something the 2 of you might enjoy. Make sure he knows your high standard .
Let me know if you want to talk further
( fyi- I never tried it, he's never asked me, but I can certainly understand what your thinking.)
Meg
Kovasmomma@yahoo.com
2006-10-30 07:23:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your husband is talking and acting like a fool. To participate in his sickening request is lowering yourself to his standards which don't say much about the type of person is he. Has he no respect for you?
2006-10-30 07:26:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know he doesn't love you - at least not like you need to be loved. He's focused on himself and his wish to sleep with someone else. Love doesn't try to talk you into things you don't want to do, & love thinks of your happiness too - not just what he wants.
2006-10-30 07:22:18 · answer #9 · answered by I saw whatudid 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO, he DOES NOT REALLY LOVE YOU !!
Although the idea is wonderful when left in fantasy form, I think it would ruin a real relationship! Trust, honor and respect would all be gone!!!
Leave him, he can have all the tail he wants then !
2006-10-30 07:17:19 · answer #10 · answered by Falling to pieces 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you want another man first.
If you don't want to then you should not. It is not right to try to coerce someone into something that they don't want.
But maybe you should think about it first, before you answer?
2006-10-30 13:12:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋