how would you overcome a feeling of hatred for someone who abused you emotionally when you were a child?

Question

Does talking helps if that person happens to be your father?

Answer 1

although it's much easier said than done; FORGIVING your father would be the best way to overcome the feeling of hatred you have for him. then accept him for who he is. there is probably a reason why your father has turned out this way. Sometimes, parents are too engrossed on their own personal issues, they tend to forget their children are affected by their actions.
Some people especially some fathers are really hard to communicate with (i know my dad was like this: i was his son, he was my dad, we cant be friends PERIOD!). however talking isnt the only way to communicate how you feel. Small acts of care and concern can show him that you are reaching out.
Try not to be frustrated when he does not acknowledge your efforts. All we can do is hope that some day he will come around.

a wise woman once told me.
1. acceptance is the key to happiness
2. those who can understand should be the one to understand, some people are too self-absorbed to make an effort

Answer 2

You have to forgive them. It's not for their sake, it's for your own. For as long as you hold onto that hatred, you're giving the person who abused you control over you still. The abuse occurred in the past, so why are you letting it poison you now?

They say people can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them. You might not have been able to stand up for yourself when you were a child, but you can do it now. You can be a strong, happy person in spite of what you were told as a kid. You can't change what happened then, but you can change how you look at it now.

Talking does help, especially if you want to have any sort of future relationship with your father. Talking to a therapist first would be a good idea, though. The therapist can help you figure out what it is that you really want to say to your father to help bring yourself some closure. The therapist call also help you figure out what you need to say to yourself to counteract the negative things imprinted into you as a child.

Good luck....

Answer 3

I am not a professional; I can give you only insight through my personal experience,surviving the many abuses (including emotional) that a very close family member dished out to me.From the time i was 13 years old, consuming all the years until i was old enough (18) to finally move out on my own, I lived with abuses that authorities/children services wouldnt tolerate today.Bottom line: these abuses were real and leave lasting impressions on us, the victims. We could be very bitter and full of hatred from the experience. To me, to allow myself to carry around hatred would be allowing this person to FURTHER abuse me.Im not saying you should force yourself to love or even like the abuser.Just put distance (hundreds of miles, the more the better)between you and your father. Yes, talk. To a person trained specially to help you free yourself from the anguish the abuser has inflicted on you.Dont talk to your father. Why? So he can twist you up some more?You cant change him.So dont try to get his approval or acceptance. Spend your energies on dealing with the wounds you have to heal within yourself. You may be a father someday (maybe you are now).You dont want to emotionally destroy your own kids because of lack of a better way to raise them.Affirm to yourself everday, "I am a kind, caring individual.It is my fathers loss not to know who i am.I will not be like my father. I resolve to be a better person, a better parent". if you harbor hatred, your heath, well being and the quality of your life will suffer. He's done enough damage...dont allow him to continue affecting you. Move on, get counseling, and pretend he's dead.Youll get through this faster if you cut the hatred loose.Good luck.

Answer 4

In my opinion, if you still have hatred for your father due to the abuse he has put you through, then you still have feelings for him. You may want to continue a relationship with him or decide you should let him go out of your life for good. I say this because I too, was abused by my father. It is upsetting to think a parent could treat you in this way. When I've confronted him about the abuse, he constantly down-plays my feelings and states I am to sensitive. I stopped talking to him for five years and he is still the same abusive person he always was. Hate is a strong word and I know it is hard to look at him with any warmth from your heart because of what he did, BUT the best thing for you to do is to try to look beyond him. Get help from counsellor's or clinics that will help you get through it. If you don't, you may take it with you through your life and hurt relationships with others due to the pain he caused. By holding your feelings in, you may be harming yourself mentally. I had suppressed my feelings and suffered from many illnesses and it was talking to professional people who study this as their career, that I finally felt a little better. Now, I do not even think about him because I know I am better off mentally and physically without him in my life. I wish you all the best and never let him or anyone else put you down. Stay strong. You deserve the best!!!

Answer 5

Hi. I don't have a definitive answer to your question but I want to share my experience with you.

While growing up I thought that my father hated me. I thought that he favored my brother and sister more. I would always get yelled at more if I did bad a my studies etc. the focus, the pressure always seemed to be on me.

However, it turned out that since I was the oldest son in a family that came from humble backgrounds he really wanted me to do well in life. Now I think that it is because he pushed me so hard that I am where I am today, I've had a great education, I have a great job, very happy with my financial position. I see it so differently now.

Answer 6

I have been through a very similar problem in my life. I'll try to tell you what worked for me.

First of all, it depends if you still live with your father or if you are now on your own and more independant. Once you become independant of the person who did this, it becomes much easier to deal with the affects of their abuse. When you are constantly in conact with that person, it makes it much more difficult.

Ultimately your goal is to forgive that person. I know that might sound completely impossible and far-fetched, but to be completely honest with you, it's the only answer. I am one of six siblings, and the ones who carry the resentment around with them are developing some very bad psychological problems because they have not forgiven.

You might never be able to talk to your father about your feelings, and likely, your father doesn't even know how he has affected you. He would probably completely deny any abuse, and make you feel stupid for feeling the way you do. Don't expect your father to change, and don't base your inner healing on his attitude, that is incredibly important.

You can heal inside, even if your father never ever changes - it's true. Making yourself better doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your father anymore. It's like going to an empty well for water - if you know it's dry, don't go there. The healing has to come from inside you.

The best way to deal with the painful abuse you have experienced is to go somewhere quiet, somewhere that you can have complete privacy without being disturbed by anyone. Close your eyes, and picture that your father is sitting opposite you. Keep your eyes closed and start to tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him what you hate about him, tell him that all of the emotional abuse he poured on you as a child has made your life misery, and that you hate it. Express everything that you feel to him, keeping your eyes closed, and imagine him listening to every word. In your mind's eye, your father may start to look very sad, and may even start to shed a tear over what you are saying. You must get it all out - you must explain just how horrid his treatment of you was and how it was completely undeserved. Open your heart completely don't hold back, you need to tell him that it was totally wrong and unfair to be that way with a child.

After you have said everything you feel needs to be said, and you picture him crying now. Picture him telling you how sorry he is and that if he knew how much pain he caused he would have been different, he would have loved you better. Once he has cried over his treatment of you, and told you how sorry he is, you can tell him you forgive him and that you love him.

This process sounds very strange, and you might feel odd doing it to start with, but trust me, it works. I have done it - and even done it a few times to completely heal. Now every time I get resentful or annoyed I remember that picture of him saying sorry and crying. And I always repeat, 'I forgive you and I love you'.

I hope you can heal from it, life will be so good for you once you do. All the very best.

Answer 7

I think you need to sit down with your father and tell him how you felt with these pent-up emotions. Ask him all the questions you've wondered as a child, listen to his answers, and be honest with him. Your life is waiting for you because if you don't do this for you, you'll feel a great void for the rest of your life. Release the burdens you've endured for so long. You Can Do It!

Answer 8

yeah talking definately does. then forgiving him. i was tormennted by my brother and sister because they were jealous of the attention i was getting from my mum as the youngest child. they would say i was fat and ugly and now thats all i see even though i'm always called pretty and have a very thin figure. to me i'm not thin enough and not pretty enough. it shouldnt matter but its been drilled into my head that it does and i cant be at peace with myself. good luck hun its ahard road

Answer 9

i was sexually abused growing up. When i was young it just made everything confusing and as i got older it was effecting who i was. I am now 40 and just starting to have my own identity. The tough one was to forgive him, not to say it was ok but to forgive him for his weakness. I began to live when i didnt have to carry around all that baggage.

Answer 10

You don't. You just put it behind you and accept the fact that you know you can't change what happened. I just ignore the fact that it even happened. Cuz no one knows it did so I really don't have a choice, I still see this persons parents everyday and him on occassion.