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I have gone through a lot of hard times in my life and it has caused me to not look at the good in things before the bad. Basically my glass is always half empty. This has affected my husband to feel like he can never make me happy no matter how hard he works at it. In this past week we have almost gotten divorced twice. The truth is I am thankful for what I have. A great husband who provides for his family, a beautiful baby girl, and a home to call our own. I do tell my husband I love and appeciatate him on a regular basis. The problem is that on any given situation I can find something to complain about even if its not how I truly feel inside. This is beginning to take a toll on our marriage. I feel like I'm almost a robot when it comes to complaining, it comes out without effort. I want to stop this and save my marriage and live life and be happy. I just need advice on what I should do to stop this ugly behavior.

2006-10-29 20:08:47 · 15 answers · asked by Bellas Mama 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

15 answers

Meditation is helping me with this very same problem...

Unfortunately, the fastest way we can learn to change this behavior is by losing the things we take for granted...

But I meditate with a group for an hour, once a week and it really helps to relax me....

Focus on loving yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin, because after all, the things you say are a reflection of how you feel about yourself, not the people and things around you.

Also remember that you must replace an old habit with a new one.... so try keeping track of how many compliments and graces you give out.... make sure to pay a compliment or grace to everyone you talk to at least once.

When you find yourself slipping back into your "old nasty complaining" then just acknowledge it and move on.
Say something like, "Gosh, that was really negative, huh? I'm sorry to have said that - I really don't mean to be such a bummer." But don't spend hours beating yourself up over it... act like a loving parent to yourself.

Good Question!!! I would like to see more of this introspective stuff on Yahoo.

2006-10-29 20:14:39 · answer #1 · answered by rabble rouser 6 · 2 0

Hi there...actually you sound like what my friend had. Her marriage and attitude were pretty much the same thing. She ended up going to counseling and found that it was a depression state. The counselor got her on some anti-depressents and worked on her behavior on how to handle things in a more positive light. Her marriage is going stronger then ever now and she is expecting her second child. My advice for what it's worth is go and see a counselor and talk about how your feeling on a day to day basis. You just might find that your situation can be easily changed and things will work out just fine.

2006-10-29 20:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 1 1

Keep a journal and write affirmations. Keeping a journal of your thoughts will help give you and outlet for your doubts and help you vent without burdening your husband. Affirmations are just statements to reinforce behaviors and ideas that you hope to achieve. The key is to write them an affirm them as if you've already achieved them. Ex. I am a positive and happy person. Not- I'm going to try to be a positive and happy person. Things like- I love and appreciate _____. Read these statements daily and it'll help train your mind to respond to those things positively. Keep journaling even if you think you're "cured" of your negativity. Journaling will also help spot your negative thoughts if they start creeping back in.

2006-10-29 20:23:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Hi, seems to me you do see good things ... since you know to mention them. You're looking for help, advice. cool. (Positive too, btw) You say how your "looking at bad things first" effects your husband, makes him feel like he can never make you happy... How do you know? Did he tell you? Does he think he should make you happy? I kind of think that it doesn't all depend on him, your happiness... I gues that if he keeps trying you'll both lean on the wrong pilar (excuse my english, am dutch ; ) ).
I tend to think that talking about these things with your husband is very important... being open on everything i think might help (if you're not very open yet... maybe you are). Him too, does he talk to you about how he feels and i mean not just ventilating how it bothers him... You tell him you love and appreciate him; does he tell you he loves and appreciates you, too? Do you feel loved? pfff i have more questions than answers. I hope you love yourself
I think it's also a matter of choices. You're in control of you. You're your own boss. No one else is.

Anyway, sorry if i'm a bit vague. All the best to you, good luck (although i think luck has nothing to do with it ; ) )

2006-10-30 00:50:45 · answer #4 · answered by Markz 1 · 1 0

The best thing that you are doing to stop this ugly behavior is acknowleging the problem. Stop beating up on yourself and change. Take it one step at a time. You need to start by reading and study the bible. Then you need to start fellowshipng with positive people. Also, start listening to motvation tapes.

2006-10-29 20:14:59 · answer #5 · answered by ShacklesOff.com 3 · 0 0

Sound like you seek enjoy misery. You like feeling the pain of a problem existing and you complaining about it. Sounds like a symptom of what I like to call depression B......the kind that is a mental illness caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Depression A would be the kind that happens normally when something truly bad happens to you.

See a doctor would be my advice.

2006-10-29 20:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

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2016-12-16 16:25:58 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

Good things comes from emptying bad things from mind. Better you concentrate, see your bad habits or negative thoughts thinking as these things may spoil your life. Once you empty your mind with negativity, positivity will make its space.

2006-10-29 20:16:35 · answer #8 · answered by thinkpose 5 · 0 0

Get counseling before you ruin a good thing. Good things in life are hard to come by and it seems that you have that so talk to someone before it is too late.

2006-10-29 20:18:41 · answer #9 · answered by Maggie 5 · 1 0

this is something that you should take to a professional consuler, you need some help dealing witht the situations in your past so you can see the better side of life with out shading it with negativity
~good luck

2006-10-29 20:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by insane illusions 3 · 0 0

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