How do I get her to understand that my age comes with knowledge? We get a long well and we have a marriage made in heaven. It drives me crazy when does not listen to me with all the wisdom I have. I know I can be wrong, most of the time I am not. What can I do?
2006-10-29 18:57:38 · 30 answers · asked by jo_cage 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, my God people, I never said I was trying to be a Daddy to my wife. My wife has input in every thing we face, she makes mistakes and I never say a word to her that is negative. I support her every move. It just drives me crazy that she will not take advice from someone that has been down that road before. She has lived a life most of you will never know. My wife and I meet during our tour in Iraq. She worked 12 hours a day, seven days a week for 29 months with no time off in a war zone. I love her and I have respect for her. Those of you with intelligent input, Thank you.
2006-10-29 22:24:07 · update #1
That is the thing with wisdom, it comes with the age she has not yet reached.
Be patient. She will mature in time.
Enjoy your love!!
2006-10-29 19:00:55 · answer #1 · answered by BlondeBarbie 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
my man is 18 years older than I am. we have been together now for well over ten years. Our biggest obstacle was him understanding that I just had no clue to how to do things out in the real world. He expected me to do things and just know automatically how they were done. health insurance, vehicle insurance, bills, finances, home improvements, all kinds of things, mostly it was financial stuff though. I was lost. I had never done many of those things.
He just took it for granted that I should know. One day I freaked out and basically told him that I was still a damn kid and didn't know what the hell to do. He kinda took a step back and realized that he was really putting a lot on me. I was far from a kid but I sure as hell wasn't 30 and I definatly didn't have the knowledge of the best health insurance policy plans available.
She may also not totally trust you on certain issues, not that she doesn't want to, I'm sure.
My husband always had great ideas on how to fix things. I never agreed with him, and most of the time I didn't want him to do whatever it was we needed done because I simply didn't think he could do it. For some reason the only person that I thought that could do it, was my dad. If the car wasn't running right, I would call my dad. If something was wrong with the fridge, I called my dad. I guess that for so long I had only seen my dad as the one that could fix things, that I couldn't see him as being capable of the same task.
I don't know all the things that come between you, but it was really just miscommunication and me being very young that was disrupting our realationship. We still love eachother very much.
Also get ready, because the longer you two are together the more wrong about things you will become. lol just kidding!
2006-10-29 19:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by ~brigit~ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound like you want to be some sort of God to her when saying, "does not listen to me with all the wisdom I have". Did you marry her to be her daddy?
Clearly you may know more than her because of age but that doesn't mean you should force her to do what you say just because your older. She is an individual who can learn and make her own mistakes.
I once had a girlfriend who was 5 years younger and always claimed she was so mature. In the end, she was like you, but younger, trying to tell me I should listen to her wisdom when I clearly knew the answer to most things she would bring up because I was older and I think alot besides. She was use to dating immature type guys and being there mother in a sense. She didn't want an equal relationship, she wanted to dominate it.
In the end I ended the relationship to be with a girl who was truely mature and my age, and everything has been golden ever since.
2006-10-29 19:02:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
look i can somewhat understand my b/f is 45 and i am 30 we both have different ideas of what some things can be right and what some things can be wrong, but no matter what we talk about things and yes, he may have more knowledge than me in some areas, but he doesn't use that on me to take his advice, one thing we do agree on is that advice is just that - advice. only someone trying to give you some help in a situation that might help, in no way does it mean that you have to take it or follow it. when other people in the past or recent yrs has offered you advice have you listened to and taken it every time???? have you always taken or followed your wife's advice??maybe not because you thought you knew better. well then she might feel the same ....let her learn from her own experiences she still has a lot of knowledge to grow from , keep offering your advice ,but do not expect or demand that she take it every time. ADVICE IS BASICALLY SOMEONE SHOWING THAT THEY CARE , THEY ARE LISTENING, AND MERELY SHOWING OR OFFERING THAT OTHER PERSON A DIFFERENT OPTION TO HELP THEM CHOSE WHAT THEY THINK MIGHT BE BEST. IN THE END IT IS THE PERSON WHO NEEDS THE ADVICE DECISION TO MAKE --they are looking for support to back them up.remember you are married to one another , she is not your , you are not hers, together you are each others.
2006-10-30 00:50:56 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this is what happens sometimes when there is such an age difference, and the younger one is this young. After all, you were already almost an adult when she was born! And of course you know more than she does---you have lived 20 years longer! And I'm sure you are still learning. I'm a lot older than you are, and I'M still learning!
I don't know what to tell you to do. You obviously love her,and knew her well enough to marry her. I guess you will just have to be patient with her and wait till she has experienced life some more. She's barely out of her teens. And you know what teenagers are like today! They think they know EVERYTHING!
2006-10-29 23:25:03 · answer #5 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must know that if you are 41 and she is 21, then YOU have to show patience and understanding that supposedly comes with the wisdom of being older and wiser.
To me, age does not necessarily mean wisdom, it just means you managed through simple pure luck not to get killed. That could end tomorrow. *shrugs*
A wise man knows he can learn a lot from a novice and doesn't shrug one off when they meet one.
What did you marry her for? Her brains?
She is young. Cut her some slack. You were young once too.
If you can't make peace with her making decisions as an adult, then you may want to consider a divorce -- because it's not going to get better anytime soon. You married her to be your wife, not your daughter. My two cents.
2006-10-29 19:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by scarlettboca 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does age have anything to do with this? Your a man therefore you have your viewpoint and she has hers, both are valid. Just because she is younger does not mean her viewpoint is invalid. It could be that you may have learned some lessons in life from earlier relationships, and for that time and place your knowledge in & of that relationship is true. But in this relationship with this person at this time it may not be applicable. Are you really listening to your young bride? Are you giving her the benifit of doubt? Maybe you are too set in your ways. I bet at times she gets rather tired of how you think you know it all and it probally takes something away from how sexy she orginally thought you were in the begining of your relationship. If you are truely wise you won't take too much of that orginal attraction out of her picture of you.
2006-10-29 19:08:57 · answer #7 · answered by Ande Deel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off realize that maybe in your great wisdom you would figure out that she is going to have her own opinions. Also keep in mind that you are in a MARRIAGE....your not her parent. What makes you think that she needs to "listen to you". I am sure that if she has something to point out to you that you would be more than happy to "listen to her" in your great wisdom. Usually though I have found that when one person feels they are smarter than the other partner it usually doesn't last. Expecially when one partner is 20 years younger and just out of school. She hasn't even experienced life for herself. Good luck...in your wisdom I am sure you see that you are going to need it.
2006-10-29 20:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by mshellrosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is 61 years old to my 44 years old. If he were to expect me to listen to his age-gained "wisdom," I would feel like he were trying to be my father. You aren't her father. You are her equal in your marriage. You need to treat her as an equal. Obviously, you have more life experience. However, there are going to be areas of life that she actually has more experience in than you do. I don't know what those are for her. For me, I am more experienced in the world of children, in cooking for a crowd, in the detail cleaning of our home, and certainly in my profession. He has more experience in the world of fine dining, fine wines, sex, cooking for two, the "shove and hide" method of quick cleaning, and his profession. However, we have many more things that we share than this. On those things, we share at a level of being equals. He did try a little bit of this with me when we first got together. It took him about 2 months of it to figure out that it wasn't going to fly and just was not right. Be a husband, not a parent.
2006-10-29 19:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by starrrrgazer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her experience somethings for herself or shel never grow up. Im 44 , my man is 31. We have a great relationship, however a lot of things he goes through, ive already been through so I offer my advice and opinions if he asks for it otherwise it would be like youre trying to be her dad..... part of learning is finding out stuff at your own pace in your own way, in your own time........... give her a break, your not an expert on everything are you????
2006-10-29 19:04:45 · answer #10 · answered by genieejj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a divorce attorney, and this is a familiar concept.
Your attitude is condescending. You are proud of your own wisdom. You need to be modest and not superior. Otherwise, your wife will eventually be suffocated, and go elsewhere.
What have you done to be so proud of yourself? Please read The Twilight of American Culture by Morris Berman to look at yourself more critically.
Are you a great genius like Gore Vidal or Noam Chomsky, a great philosopher like Spinoza or Sartre?
Have you made great contributions to the world like Arundhati Roy or Helen Caldecott? Will you leave a legacy that will alter the world like Marx or Socrates?
'Tis a great person who appreciates his own ignorance.
Show your wife by example, not by self-elevation.
2006-10-29 19:14:10 · answer #11 · answered by sochiswim 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋