Me and my wife separated and she made it clear that she doesn't want to get back with me as a married couple & yet wants to remain friends. She's with someone else and claims that she loves him. They've had a couple of arguments over the 4 weeks and I think whenever they do, she comes and gets closer to me and makes plans with me for a moment. Like on the weekend, we both went to church and afterwards she decided to go with me and my son for a bbq. Then she said, she'd want me to be her Personal Trainer and work a program with her at a 1x a weekly basis. Bcoz, she's the reason I moved out of state, she said, I could use her as an emergency contact in case of emergencies. Also she offered to watch my amatuer boxing fight and is willing to travel with me. Usually, she'll stay silent and I'm quietly doing my own thing and we both be moving on, occasionally, she'd make up plans like this. What is going on? Annalyzation from Ladies please?
2006-10-29 17:55:48 · 14 answers · asked by Sweet Gemini 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is happening here? Is she pulling my strings? Is she enjoying the power trip? Is she using me as a back up in case her relationship fails? Is she genuinely just being friends with me and using me as her shoulder? HOW CAN I MOVE ON WITH THIS ROLLER COASTER??? Although, I've made it clear also, that I'll stop all efforts in trying to get her back, I've also made it clear that I will always be there, if things didn't work out and will be willing to start from there and drop whatever I'am doing or whoever I'm with. What is going on PEOPLE?????
2006-10-29 17:58:44 · update #1
She has moved out and took most of her things including our son. Her parents don't agree with her decisions and the way she's handling the situation so they given her a couple of weeks to move out. Her role as a daughter and as a mother became so questionalbe since having an affair with this guy, her parents will never accept them as a couple. They've known each other for almost a month only and we've been together for 10years
2006-10-29 18:03:15 · update #2
i kinda do the same thing.. she loves you and cant let go.. she is tryin to get along with you to make it work.. you have 10 years on this "man".. i am sure there was more then just this one problem goin on.. when your marriage started goin down hill, was this man in the picture? sometimes us women are in lust.. and think things would be better on the other side of the fence.. its now that she is realizing that its not.. and she is tryin to patch things up before she comes back to you.. i would say do what i am doing, and go see a counselor.. not for her.. for you.. and maybe she can join in on the meetings sometime soon.. it really helped me before.. and i am doin it again... good luck with everything,,,you will need it.. women are weird lol
2006-10-29 18:37:19 · answer #1 · answered by confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You state that you will always be there and are willing to drop anything or anybody and take it from there.
Chump like behavior?
You have put your self in the position of a Back Up.
Pretty much given her the OK to continue with her relationship and keep you on the back burner in case it doesn't work out.
Have some self respect. I am sure you do not want to be the #2 choice. Quit making it so easy for her to dump you.
Quit putting your life on hold while she plays. Go or stay thats up to you, but come on, have a little respect for your self and maybe she will have some for you also.
2006-10-29 18:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by Red 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she is putting you on a roller coaster, I think she is trying to move past the relationship and still build a family unit for your son. It sounds like you are both moving on, but being friends and a family for your child is important. Just because you aren't together doesn't mean you can't trust each other. It sounds like you are both being mature. If she is pushing the friend thing too early then talk to her about it.
2006-10-30 00:19:03 · answer #3 · answered by chelles_insanity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're on the back burner and you know it. A spare tire. A 'just in case'.
Move on and have a life of your own.
She'll be begging you to take her back then.
2006-10-29 18:18:02 · answer #4 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's being selfish and fulfilling all her emotional needs through the both of you and her current partner. The history she has with you makes it easy for her to keep coming back when times are hard and for you to let her come back. Its a tough situation and you just need to take her out of the equation for one minute and ask yourself what is it that you need? You need to think what's best for you, b/c I'm afraid you will start trusting her again and let her "in" and then screw you over later.
2006-10-29 18:05:13 · answer #5 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no analisation needed - u said it yourself - as soon as she quarrels with her new bf she comes to u, cos u re always available. so wake up dude, u've beeing used. i did it all the time with my ex hubby till i found a new man with whom i decided to settle down. cos i didn't need my ex anymore i dumped him - abated all contacts. but before, while i wasn't settled with any of previous man - i was "friends with benefits" with my ex husband after divorse for 2 years.
o. boy, i can't believe what i read now - dude, u know everything for yourself, why re u closing your eyes for everything? well, maybe u like being used. and u always may move on - just stop all the contacts with her
2006-10-29 18:01:32 · answer #6 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a reality check and move on,even if she came back to you,you will never be able to trust her ever again,once a cheat always a cheat,It will never be the same after her cheating on you.And its only going to hurt your son in the end.You two will get over it,but it will affect your son the rest of his life,because you two can move on with your lifes.
2006-10-29 18:12:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you still love her.and she still loves you too,the fights they have are all probably over the fact deep down hes not you and she longs for you and no matter how hard she tries to change his ways to be more like you she cant just remember where theres a will there is most certainly a way to reconcile and church is the first key to happiness.mixed messages are they REALLY??????
2006-10-29 18:06:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to say that she is just stringing you on. its not right. you have to walk away. i know its hard and heartbreaking. but you need to try and move on. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. when i look back at it now i realize that if i would have let it go on longer it would have been alot worse to deal with.
2006-10-29 18:07:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why you are putting up with being abused emotionally like this, i really don't know.
2006-10-29 18:11:59 · answer #10 · answered by SimAlex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋