Long story but I'll try to shorten it. My wife had an affair with a mutual friend of ours. I had a bad feeling about a year ago about them, but I was told not to worry and that nothing was going on. His girlfriend of 8 years was even concerned about them. She too was told there was nothing to worry about. My wife said I could trust her and the other guy said he had no intention of "stealing her away". Anyway after 3 incidents of being lied too and betrayed by the both of them, and trying counseling (She was still in contact with him halfway through that). I'm trying to deal with her seeing him while I"m still living at home (due to many reasons). I really don't want this guy anywhere near me, ever. I'm mostly pissed off for trusting them, now I've lost my wife, my home and actually being with my kids. By being deceptive, he gets eveything I had. I went from being the happiest in my life to the worst feeling ever. Oh, he says he's really sorry. Will this get better with time?
2006-10-29 17:24:34 · 14 answers · asked by soontobeex 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't have to give up what is yours. I do recommend letting them know that they both deserve eachother and hope they live a happy life. yet knowing with great satisfaction, the game they played on you is the game they will play on eachother when something "better" comes along they feel they "love". It's a cycle. next time she cheats, just remember it won't be on you.
You can have your house. Who says you have to move out? Who says she has to stay? The house can be sold and split in payment as I see in a lot of divorces.
Your children matters most all in all. if you can't be a husband, you can difantly be a dad. Your happiness lies with your twins. Embrace them and let them know that even if mom and dad are not together, that you will always be there dad and in their life.
In future relationships, not all females will be like her nor do things she did. Know the first gut feelings something is odd (as you previously felt, and other people), do not hesitate to check it out. Not shrug it off. Especially if evidence is becoming a bit more clear as time goes on.
2006-10-29 19:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you find somewhere else to live? This is a very awkward situation. There is no way I would want to co live with the person my spouse had an affiar with. I would start saving up for a close apartment or something so that you can easily see your boys, heck even go to court and get shared custody.
I very much doubt this man is sorry, literally he ruined your family, not just yours but your children’s as well. He and your wife seemed to have had a thing going for some time, if he was sorry he’d have ended it after the first encounter. Only feel good knowing most of the time if a person cheats thats not going to stop, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not a long time before one of them starts cheating on the other. Now that you know that kind of takes away what some might call the risk of cheating.
2006-10-30 01:35:48 · answer #2 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
(((HUGS))) Sweetheart (hope you don't mind that!), it will get better with time!
From someone who's been divorced for 15 years, I can promise you the best route to take right now is the high road of grace and forgiveness (easier said than done, I know, but well worth the effort).
Treat your wife and her beau with the respect you would want them to show you and the new woman in your life (you sound like a great guy, I'm sure there will be one soon enough!).
For the sake of your darling sons, don't criticize their mother or her lifestyle or her friends where they can hear or where it might get back to them. I never said a mean word about my xH to my son, until my son was in his late teens and had had a hefty dose of his dad's attitude and he finally asked me for my honest answer to why we divorced. Then I had the opportunity to explain about his father's affair, and how devastated I was. He saw through his dad's lies about me, and for that, and many other reasons, cut off contact with his dad. So, being nice and holding your tongue does pay off in the long run. Kids see the truth of things a lot better than grown ups do.
Talk things over with your attorney. There is no reason I can think of as to why she and he should get full ownership of the family home, although it might be wise to allow them residency until the boys reach adulthood, graduate high school and go to college. Then the house, equity included, could be ordered to be sold and split 50/50 between you and your former wife. In the meantime, you and she should continue to make payments, 50/50, toward the mortgage.
I would not feel comfortable sharing my home with this other man, if I were you, and I would suggest that you insist that if your wife and he want to cohabitate, that they obtain quarters elsewhere, on the grounds that it is detrimental to your children's well being to be exposed to so much confusion in the household as to who's in charge.
I know this is going to sound odd, but please believe him when he says he's really sorry. In many ways, I'm sure he is. He's in a bit of a stew pot too, and probably isn't relishing the prospect of living side by side with you and wondering how raising the two boys is going to fit into his life when you're the "real" father.
Be grateful that all this came to a head sooner than later, and know that you've done as much as a person possibly can to prove to your wife that you wanted to save your marriage.
Take this opportunity to examine your life and your goals and dreams. Consider asking for full custody of your sons. Consider the whole financial aspect, and see what you can do to ensure that they are provided a decent home and opportunities to grow and develop into responsible young men.
It will get better. Take the long view of things and know in your heart, it will get better.
2006-10-30 02:08:13 · answer #3 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it day by day just know that with every bad there is a good to fallow. Your going to meet your soul mate and start over God has a plan for you it's better then what you could ever imagine. my heart gos to you i went thought a awful divorce also but you know they well not be happy that I know when you sin like the way they did GOD is never on your side so don't give up have hope your life well get better.
2006-10-30 01:50:17 · answer #4 · answered by nursetech 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep..
You got totally betrayed & screwed by two evil people..
I do not know what you can do but move on....
Time heals all wounds...
See what you can work out sexually with the bums old girlfriend...
If for no other reason than to get a little revenge..
She might even be into the whole idea too...
2006-10-30 02:39:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn`t lose your kids or your house...unless of course you left the premises for a long period of time in which case your wife is in the driver seat. You are a better man than me...I would be in jail for kicking his ***. You seem to be a very controlled person so I would say you will recover well and they will get theirs. I hope that your children don`t suffer as a result. Sorry to hear of your betrayal.
2006-10-30 01:31:21 · answer #6 · answered by pscassidy100 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that happened to you, it really hurts when someone you love and trust betrays you with someone you know. All you can do is take it day by day, and it will get better. You should sell the house in the divorce proceedings, and seek custody of your children. That way he doesn't get what was yours and she shouldn't have her cake and eat it too.
Good luck and hang in there.
2006-10-30 02:00:52 · answer #7 · answered by Tawney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, Bra... it will get better with time - things for you haven't settled and you don't have someone else to fill that missing void yet - like your soon to be ex does. As stupid as it sounds, time does heal most wounds... having closure will help too.
Hang in there, Bra...
Aloha!!!
2006-10-30 01:31:22 · answer #8 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that. It takes time, but eventually you can get over it. Just spend time with your family & friends,
2006-10-30 01:38:28 · answer #9 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, good luck. That's going to be a tough road to walk - for everyone.
2006-10-30 01:28:12 · answer #10 · answered by ericscribener 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋