My wife does not know that I know she kissed another man at her friend's bachelorette party. Should I confront her on this? I know about it through an email of hers I wasn't supposed to see. My understanding is she asked the bride who the eligible bachelors were and then raved about how great the kiss was to her friends. This event took place the night before I joined my wife for the reception dinner. We've been married 3 years and also know she has signed up for a couple of online personal sites. Our sex life is not great and she claims I need to be more romantic. I'm not denying this fact but if she is able to kiss a stranger and not sure what else happened, could this be a one time only meaningless event or an indication that other hookups ocurred during the last 5.5 years of our relationship and 3 years of marriage? I love her very much and will certainly give her reason to question my trust in her if I confront her about this. Please help.
2006-10-29 15:07:51 · 29 answers · asked by worried 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The email did say that a lot of drinking was involved but that in my mind is still not an excuse. My wife and I were at a party recently and this woman was clearly hitting on me. My wife joked about it after refering to her as my girlfriend. Should I falsely confess that I kissed this woman to see if my wife confides in me? How then would I be able to tell her that I really didn't kiss this woman and my wife would totally question my knowledge of why I would want to tell her such a thing? I"m thinking of approaching the bride(also my wife's best friend) to see if she can give me some insight here. Is this a good idea? I'm also paranoid now because a few times since the Summer my wife has reporedly been out with co-workers for drinks and ended up crashing at their place. One time my wife even got a hotel room because she claimed her friends left her at the bar. Am I supposed to believe her that nothing happened?
2006-10-29 15:37:12 · update #1
Thanks to everyone who added their comments. Very much appreciated! I think I'm going to see where the 'being more romantic' and 'spicing things up at home' approach gets me. Not that her behavior is excusable if she was unhappy with things at home. I'm hoping it was a drunken, stupid thing that happened and she may have perhaps showing off to her friends. We do tend to bicker about things on so many levels ... money, sex, the thermostat ... but what couples don't. Not trying to be naive ... just hopeful. Thanks again.
2006-10-29 15:53:07 · update #2
Just kissing a guy at a bachelorette party doesn't mean she's cheating on you. She was getting into the fun. Not the best thing for her to do, but forgiveable.
The real concern here is that you don't have a very good sex life. Why should she put up with that? Get the lead out and start giving her a good reason to stay home!!!
I♥♫→mia☼☺†
2006-10-29 15:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by mia2kl2002 7 · 4⤊ 7⤋
Well, what were her thoughts during and after the kiss? If a person so does it in their mind they have committed it in their heart.
Just ask yourself, is that the kind of character display that is something to build your marriage up or to help tear it down? Most married couples who truly love each other don't get into deep kisses with persons outside their marriage because it's clearly an act of adultery and selfishness. If you don't get this problem resolved now you're doomed for a marriage full of rage and distrust of which will quite obviously also lead to divorce.
If committed in the mind so it has been committed in the heart.
What kind of things have you done that would lead her to believe that she was ok with doing what she did? What was your bachelor party like? What did or have you done throughout your relationship with her that would allow her to believe this sort of disenchanting conduct was ok?
I'm sorry but when your marriage is starting off with deep sensual kisses with outside parties, it doesn't look so good. That's just from experience.
You both need to re-evaluate your position as marriage mates and look to what is healthy and blessed for resolve instead of seeking kisses from other outside immoral influences.
Oh well...wish you well. Something is not right here on both sides.
2006-10-29 15:18:15 · answer #2 · answered by KimIsland 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe she crossed the line when she did that. There are several things you mentioned that I see as red flags: asking who the eligible bachelors were? signing up for online personal sites, bragging about kissing some strange guy to her friends....she sounds like a goofball to me. I wouldn't be surprised if she's crossed the line before. I do think she is definitely contemplating having an affair if she is engaging in this type of behavior. You should confront her.
2006-10-29 15:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just informally so far - 5 women who have responded think it's cheating, and 4 say it isn't.
But I *guarantee* you if *you* as a guy kissed some hot young single woman who happened to be disrobed at a bachelor party, all 100% would slam down on you for cheating like a ton of bricks.
True to another LifeTime for Women Afternoon Made for TV movie, there's a cheating double standard.
When married men kiss a hot stripper girl, all hell breaks loose and the filthy slimy snake b*stard usually has a tree fall on his b*lls.
But when married women kiss a hot stripper guy, it's "just a game" and we men need to "lighten up" and consider "what was going through her head when she kissed him."
I'll tell you what was going through her head - his tongue!
She is cheating on you on many levels, man. The personal ads, the stripper dude, the complaining about romance...geez she is sending tons of hints.
Sit her down. Ask her to tell you *exactly* what she means when she says "more romance." Write it down. Then do it! Of course be creative and add things not on the list, but give her what she wants. If she keeps sending ads and kissing other guys and saying how good it was and all that other crap - time to go. She has no respect for you and has betrayed your trust.
2006-10-29 15:45:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
The kissing incident might be innocent on its own; however, signing up for the personal ads is a sure signal of BIG PROBLEMS AHEAD!
First, see an attorney, learn how to protect your assets and prevent her from running you deep into debt. Follow his advice.
You're worried about "...and will certainly give her reason to question my trust in her....." She's the one who did the kissing and has been doing whatever online! Of course you should NOT trust her at this point.
If she's innocent, she can explain to you. What would happen at your house if the tables were turned, and YOU had done the kissing and the online stuff???
2006-10-29 15:20:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would not be very worried about her kissing someone at a bachelorette party, it's all in fun.....But I WOULD be worried about her signing up at online personal sites. That means she's looking for someone else.
I would think about marriage counseling, or buying a book or two on sex just to get some ideas.
Confronting her, though....I'm not sure about that. Seems like that could make things worse instead of better.
Good Luck!
2006-10-29 15:17:03 · answer #6 · answered by chattingnut 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The fact that she kissed someone is not really the issue Id would be more angry with the personal on line on line sites. It would be very difficult to be romantic when she is obviously getting stimulation out side the marriage even if it is just on line.
2006-10-29 15:27:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A kiss is not cheating but she really should not have done that. However it was a bachelorette party and people do crazy things at those kinds of parties that they would not normally do. You know you don't know if this guy just might of grabbed her and kissed her and totally caught her off guard. And you shouldn't be reading her e-mails to her girlfriend. Would you want her to know everything you say to your guy friends. This is certainly not worth risking a marriage over. My suggestion would be to court your wife, make a date night relationships don't bloom unless you water them and put in the work.
Good Luck!
2006-10-29 15:40:16 · answer #8 · answered by sweetkooky 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
If you care you would question it!! Sounds like she could be looking for some spice in her life. If you are aware that your sex life is lacking why don't you spice it up for her?? I am just saying you are here on line telling us and you need to tell her, tell her just like you did us and get it out in the open.If she is on a personals sight then she is looking to replace you. Be more romantic if you need to be is there a reason why you are not? You need to pay attention to her or she will find some on El's. I am sorry to be so forward with you but you are letting this happen and you need to speak up if you want to save this marriage.
~Good Luck~
2006-10-29 15:14:58 · answer #9 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Kissing is definitely cheating! You really need to talk to her about it and not worry about her questioning your trust. She is the one who is wrong here. People who say things like, "How can you not trust me!?" usually can't be trusted and are simply shifting the attention.
You need to talk about what she did, but you also have to be willing to discuss why/how you were reading her email. Were you reading it because you already had reason to suspect a problem? Were you reading it because you're paranoid? Be prepared for her to try to shift the discussion to that.
2006-10-29 15:19:25 · answer #10 · answered by NachoBidness 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋