should I leave my physician husband after 26 years ?

Question

my husband is abusive and been with him for 26 years ,and now I want to leave him but he makes me feel guilty by saying that he is working so hard for the family and I am so ungeatful and selfish .
he gets angry for littlest issues and now he says he will change ,but he has not made any effort until now and I find it hard to believe that he could change his habbits any advice ?

Answer 1

What does being a physician have to do with anything????? Abuse, is abuse is abuse.

Get help, get counseling for both of you or get out.

Answer 2

Abusive people do not change on their own. They need help and time. Make him an appointment to see a therapist, someone who specializes in anger issues. Tell him that if he is serious about the marriage he will see the therapist, no matter how busy he may be with work. Tell him if he doesn;t, the next appointment he will have will be with the divorce court. If you do not get his attention, then go see a divorce lawyer to find out your rights...

If his abuse is dangerous, call the police at once. Better alive than sorry.
And when you are debating what to do with your life think of the fact that living with an abusive father can really hurt your children if not physically, definitively psychologically. they can grow up to recreate the situation by perpetuating the victim role themselves or becoming a copy of their father.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you're hurting. I truly am. It's not your fault that your husband is abusive. It sounds like he's trying to make his abusive ways acceptable by telling you how hard he's working for you and your family. and he's also using that as a way to put you on such a guilt trip that you'll stay and put up with it.
I'm sure you're not ungrateful or selfish. him telling you that is just another way he can justify the abuse.
you've put up with this for far too long.
I know that people can change, but your husband is going to have to want to change before change can take place. he's going to have to see that the way he's treating you is wrong.
don't stay because he makes you feel guilty. if you do that, you can be sure there will be another 26 or more years in an abusive marriage. If you want to give him another chance, that's up to you. but if he doesn't stop the abuse immediately, I would definately recommend getting out of there. there are men out there who would be good to you. and you deserve that.
I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I only have this advice for you. There are Godly conditions that would allow for you to get a divorce.

The first step is to call an elder at a Kingdom Hall near you and ask for help determining Biblical reasons to divorce. It clearly sounds like you have one; abuse is not acceptable and what are you going to do??--take it for another 26 years? 5 years? 2 years?

Abuse is not acceptable and I do believe you have Biblical grounds to divorce him. I wish your marriage could be salvaged, but obviously something is going on outside your marriage that causes him to turn inward against his family. If he's willing to accept constructive and pure advice, maybe the problem can be dealth with, but I have found sadly that not much works outside of divine intervention.

I wish you well and that is one of the reasons I stay single. The men in the world today just don't seem to have what it takes to stay true, decent, non-abusive, honest, and carry overall good moral character.

I do hope your marriage of 26 years can be salvaged. I am sorry you are in the predicament you're in. Some have said a iron clad skillet might do the trick, but that is radical to say the least.

Wish you well.

Answer 5

I dont think abuse gets better because the person says that they wont dont it anymore. My husband was very physically abusive. I didnt leave until it my daughter witnessed it. But he always said it would end...he even found JESUS...and for a while he was good, but eventually it always ended the same.

If you stay, make one of the conditions be that he gets counseling. Without it, your situation will never change.

It is hard to advise anyone to leave a marriage that has lasted over 25 yrs. But the fact that he makes you feel guilty for what he does says that he is manipulative. When he understands his hold on you is gone, he may change.

But you need counseling. Being abused for so long changed me...and I need counseling myself. I just dont have the resources...

Answer 6

After 26 years whats made you want to leave? I think that sometimes when men find out you are serious they can change. If you love him seek counsel and go from there. Sometimes when you find out you are going to be alone you can have an attitude and life change to be the husband you should have been. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Let him know that people in wheelchairs now play basketball and ride sleds in the olympics and such. Men like sports, get him involved. He doesn't know what's out there for him to do so he's concentrating on himself. There are also organizations for people with disabilities and I'm sure he could chat with peoplelike himself, especially since a lot of vets have now returned from Iraq with an identical problem. I suspect if he's taking some medication that might be part of what's making him mean and arguing. Get on to the military websites and ask your questions. He can also educate himself online and when he's ready can do that in the classroom. He needs to know he is wanted and needed in society. Have his friends invite him to a ball game.

Answer 8

You have already spent the best years of your life with this abusive husband. You must be able to take a firm stand. If he abuses you tell him that the police or law will be informed do it then he will come to his senses. I do not know your situation but I would say if you can make amends do it because you will find it extremely hard to live with any one new if you wanted at this stage

Answer 9

Is there a reason you mention that he is a physician? I don't see how his career has anything to do with him kicking you in the face. Odd that you saw fit to mention that...
Anyway, yes. Leave tonight. Don't make excuses, don't over think it..leave. Like right now...Life is to short to waste on someone that does not love you. And he does not. Read Corinthians 13. So say goodbye tonight and get on with enjoying life.
He'll be ok. After all he's a physician. ;-)

Answer 10

dont let him make you feel guilty for his actions. you can make it without him. there is no reason to be abused by anyone, when my husband tried that on me .ibelieved he would change and he kept getting worse and then saying he was sorry until the day i really did leave his butt and moved from okla to ny. when he realized what he was loosing he changed, and got better i was only gone three months. now if he acts up isay something about leaving he stops and thinks. try it if he really loves you it will work. dont let him abuse you.

Answer 11

I'm not sure why you'd even say your husband is a physician? Does that make a difference in some way to what's going on? If you want to leave, then leave. He can't make you feel guilty unless you give him permission to make you feel that way!