Me and my lady broke up becuase we can't deal with each other any longer.Now that the drama is gone, I uern to have someone around and I feel lonly.It hurts me to think that shes with another man and every time she calls she sounds like shes doing just fine without me.But me, I feel hurt in side and I gave up every thing for her even my friends just becuase I realy felt thats all I needed (a famaly).If you broke up with a loved one how long did it take to find someone new or did you just stay single to enjoy the freedom?
2006-10-29 14:45:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stayed single to enjoy the freedom -- very easy to live this way ...
Because the only other way to live was to be subjected to abuse, his violence, his constant destruction/damage, his mental illness, his constant inability to hold jobs, unwillingness to work, etc etc etc -- and that would be MISERABLE in the extreme -- and ... if I did NOT leave it behind after a short disaster of a Marriage -- then ...
I would NOT be alive right now.
So YES, it is VERY EASY to live as a single and I ENJOY it like this -- especially since I've now launched my two disabled children into adulthood and independent life -- and I am HAPPY Finally being ALONE in the HOME I EARNED through MY HARD WORK -- and which the ones who preyed on me did not appreciate.
2006-10-29 15:33:26 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time and enjoy the freedom; give yourself some time to appreciate being by yourself. Learn the difference between being alone and being lonely.
You and your girl weren't happy together, so you split up. Don't concern yourself over how she's doing with someone else; in fact, just let her leave messages for you and don't be so quick to return her calls. You're not playing games with her, but you'll never be able to move on until you let her go.
The fact that you gave up everything for her was a sign that things weren't going to work. It also sounds like you were with her because you were trying to fill an empty space in your life ("all i needed {a family}). No one person to fix a hurt, you have to do that yourself. You have to create a life you love and are comfortable with, one where you rely on yourself for happiness.
Don't be in a rush to find someone new; you'll only be setting yourself up again for the same drama you had before. Love yourself, create a life that's good for you. Deal with your problems, don't look for a relationship to solve them. Love will come to you when you're happy and when you least expect it.
2006-10-29 22:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is anything normal is really the question. Does normalcy really exist or is it something we have bought into? Human species crave companionship just like all other species in their own unique ways. Some crave companionship just to breed, and then kill or eat their companion. Glad I am not that species, but I won't lie and tell you it doesn't hurt and that she isn't doing just fine...but you really don't know that and moving on...no matter how tough is your only choice. Get back what you gave up, because honestly you shouldn't have to give up anything to be in a relationship as a companion. Isn't it supposed to be a union of two spirits that are compatible and accept everything about each other...on the same page...not asking the other to change or give up things that are important to each other...just for the sake of the relationship...???? Sorry to hear about your sorrow, but it will get easier. Sounds pretty fresh. The wound will harden and time will pass. Before you know it, when you stop looking...life hands you something new that might possibly be better than anything you ever had before.
Good luck.
2006-10-29 22:53:09 · answer #3 · answered by shrm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, with my experience, he's with someone else now, and it still bothers me, it's been 5 months ago, and it's like a cigarette..you keep saying you'll quit...ok.. today I'll quit, but it's harder to quit.
It's been 5 months for me, and it's still harder sometimes as each day goes by, then you'll have your good days, and then back to bad again.
I gave up everything as well, and it's hard to re-gain it all back, but eventually you do, an you will.
When your ready to move on.. you will.. but that's something only you can decide.
If you think it's too soon, then don't rush into anything, you'll only speed up to another Heartbreak.
Take thing's slower than before, don't feel like there's a rush to go out and meet someone new because she's with someone else.
Personally it makes me sick to my stomach knowing he moved on as fast as he did.
And he had seen more than 1 person.. more than 2.. more than 3...and it's just the one's he told me.
Can't really say you enjoy the freedom, cause anyone that does.. knows the difference.. it's not so easy to move on from a serious relationship, whoever said it is..wasn't into the relationship fully, or is talking from their @-s-s
It's hard, and hurtful to move on, but eventually, that time will come. Change is a major factor in all of our lives, and we just have to learn to deal with it...and remember, there will be more opportunities later on, when the timing is just right. Goodluck, and I hope you well!
2006-10-29 22:54:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself some time. I know it's hard but you've got to keep yourself busy. Read books, listen to music, go bike riding, go see a movie. Whatever to keep your mind off of this hurtful situation. Getting yourself into another relationship too soon could prove disastrous. Take care of yourself first. Then when the time is, get yourself out there have some fun. But don't ever go into a relationship thinking you need someone you will always screw yourself by going that route, however, you should go in, knowing that you are good by yourself but that you want someone to enhance your life. Also when you enter into the dating phase you should make it very clear to the person you are pursuing, your intentions, whether it be a night stand, just kicking it, or looking to settle down, that way both parties know what each other is expecting, and no ones time is being wasted. Good luck!!
2006-10-29 23:39:27 · answer #5 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's ever a good idea to enter a relationship because your lonely. Learn to enjoy your own company first. Then look around and see what's out there. I understand it hurting you, knowing she's happy without you. That's fairly normal I think, she's moved on and you don't feel like you have. I am single, I do get lonely but I also know that I don't want someone in my life full time. I have other things that are more important to me right now. Loneliness will come and go. Find other things to keep you busy, until you meet someone your sure you want to get to know. Give your old friends a call, if they were ever truly friends they'll understand where you were at, at that time in your life.
2006-10-29 22:52:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a question...... Why does she call you?
You are going through the grieving process and it takes time to deal with the stages..... denial, anger and acceptance. Each one comes and goes and you are not in control of them. Sometimes it's like taking one step forward and two back but you will feel better soon.
They say that 'Time heals all wounds' but actually, 'Love heals all wounds'. Believe it or not, when you're least expecting it, you'll meet someone.
In the meantime, DO get out and about and meet new people. I know it's difficult but take small steps like joining a gym or taking a class. Just being with others helps even though you don't have to chat with them if you don't wish to.
Take care of yourself too. Get lots of rest, eat a healthy diet and exercise.
2006-10-29 23:04:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will be fine,being alone has many advantages.I used to think i had to have a woman in my life just to live,now i enjoy being able to do whatever i want.Just look at the problems on this website.It's a great feeling to go to bed at night and not have to wonder what the next thing you say or do is gonna create another arguement.YOU GOT IT MADE NOW!
2006-10-29 23:15:35 · answer #8 · answered by mikey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
write a list of positives and negatives . And see which one outweighs the other . I live single and i like it . But it's not for everyone . my idea is that there are two kinds of pain , and one is peaceful .. we can be with someone and have conflict all the time, or live alone with no conflict . I find it interesting that she calls you .. ( maybe you have kids together ? ) Also , I think it's a mistake to LOOK for someone. It's easier to meet people when your not trying to meet people.. Just stay friendly, and , you know, To thine own self be true..
2006-10-30 00:09:08 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all being single is not any fun. I recently split with my husband after 13yrs. I can fully understand the loneliness, and I pray that time will ease the pain.
2006-10-29 22:56:24 · answer #10 · answered by JANET 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋