How do you help someone with FlashBacks?

Question

I have afriend who cannot stop talking about her tragic childhood.
She has a great business, and has done some amazing things for herself and as a young person in business ( shes only 27!),

but everytime she slows down, its like, boom, she goes into this "my parents left me, I can't trust anybody, Why did it happen, why do these things happen" kinda deal.

It doesn't help matters that she also recently went through some really tough things with an unfaithful husband.

Shes a cool person otherwise, and like I said, when it comes to her business, shes on Fire.

But behind closed doors, she can be a wreck.
How can I help her?

Answer 1

1) Let her be a wreck. Clearly she feels safe around you, and safe and trusting relationships have been few and far between in her life.

2) People's grieving cycles take differing amounts of time. Don't try and cajole her into thinking that she has to get better and be happy now. Respect her time-table. If she's 98 and still having the same problems, maybe, but for now, let her take her time to heal.

3) Buy a copy of John Allen's "Coping with Trauma" read it together.

4) Be very sensitive. Let her talk through what she needs to but beware too...that talking through painful memories can be important to gain new insight into them and sometimes lessen their power, but that can backfire, and instead if talked about too much, anything that is rehearsed memory wise will come to the fore quicker, and so their severity can be increased by speaking of them too much. However, where too much is, should be between her and a counselor.

4) Kindly and supportively suggest counseling. Therapists are equipped to guide people through the grieving and healing process.

5) Encourage slowing down. Not that she should abandon her success (her business), however, if she is running to fast and far to avoid those things she needs to deal with, then she does need to slow down from time to time care for herself enough to deal with these issues.

6) Encourage self-care. People who have been through traumatic childhoods often don't feel that they are worth taking care of. So they don't. Some let their hygiene slip. Others let their houses go. Make sure that she knows that she is worth taking care of.

7) Encourage her to become a good self-parent. She will learn when she needs to wallow in the pain for a bit, when she needs to tell herself to pick up and do something else, when she needs to get angry, when she needs to care for herself, and when she needs to care for others.

8) Depending on how traumatic her childhood was, she may have learned the terrible fine art of dissociation. IF she has, see if you can spot when she has tuned out of reality, because it means that something whether internal or external has triggered some sort of memory that is too painful to deal with and was at the time as well. Encouraging her to focus on what is happening can help with that. Some people find it helpful to name objects they see, when they find themselves dissociate, some find it helpful to name all the sounds they hear...something along those lines may work for her.

8) Though this is probably best left to a counselor, you can probably help carefully though, to identify triggers. What people, situations, relationships, sounds, and sights, take her back to those events? I bet you she is avoiding them like the plague. However, if she's careful with it, she may find strength in being able to name the triggers and face them down instead of running from them.

Just be there for her! You'll do fine!

Answer 2

i'm a wordy bastard! i'm a wordy bastard! ... i've got self belief so enjoyed. i desperate to persist with the regulations with the aid of fact: i'm a goody goody / i would be unable to be troubled to place in writing greater. a million. Do flashbacks bore you? sure. They suck. 2. Describe your renowned fictional character of all time without giving their call. Male, tall, loving, stable, teenage, unwilling romantic. 3. what's a character trait which you do no longer see adequate of? Uh... Jealousy? Pssht, I have not any thought. 4. would you particularly an some distance greater desirable than romance or an some distance greater desirable than gore in an action/delusion tale? i admire the two yet I would desire to assert romance. 5. significant characters in cutting-edge literature many times.... stick via their morals. on the start. 6. Does the sexual orientation/non secular or philosophical perception/visual charm or ethnicity of the characters stop you from analyzing some books? Nope. i don't have a faith... so, unquestionably, wait, if it became a non secular e book i does no longer examine it with the aid of fact it is going against what i think of. And, no, the character subject is in basic terms racist. 7. Do you many times purchase (tangible) books, borrow books or examine ebooks? purchase! i admire having my own replica. ok, so i'm going to have long previous over the shrink once or twice...

Answer 3

Suggest that she get some professional help to get over her pass. The tough times she went Thur are part and parcel of her make-up as a human being, getting over the past is not easy but with help it can be done.

Answer 4

In my experiances, there is only so much you can do as a friend. The best advice is to get her to counceling or therapy. They are trained to help with that kind of stuff.

Try to find a place for her to go to and even help out financially if you need to.

Answer 5

She can get the help she needs through a 12 step program, and it's free. Sounds like "Adult Children of Alcoholics" might be a good place for her to go. You can find them in the yellow pages. Good luck

Answer 6

Honey about all you can do is be there for her and pray for her to find inner piece with her childhood and with her ex husband. Sounds like she is emotional drained with a number of things in her life. I am so glad she has her business to keep her mind busy. Bless you for being her friend and caring so much for her. God will Bless both of you. Keep up the good work. Hugs to both of you.

Answer 7

All you can do is listen. Don't try to help her (unless you happen to be a therapist.) She just needs you to listen. If you can tactfully convince her to seek professional help, that would be even better. But, as her friend, you can't really help her; all you can do is let her know that you are there for her when she needs someone to talk to...that is, when SHE needs to talk...you just listen.

Answer 8

You cant, she needs counseling...I went through exactly what she went through....without help it doesn't get better. No matter how successful you become, when the people you trust most (parents, spouse) betray you, it is hard to get over.

Answer 9

You can suggest she go to a counselor or something . In the mean time just love her and be understanding .