what are ways I can see my grown kids more. They rarely call or return calls and say they are busy?

Question

Both are males. One is 33 single the other is 26 gf..It seems I just see them on my birthday and holidays. I was a full time mom very involved with my kids and miss them terribly. They don't seem to have a problem with not seeing me and say work takes all their time. When I mention it, they act like I am nagging them.

Can you think of activities that I could do with them or invite them to that could get me seeing them as least once every several weeks.

Also how to not bring it up when I see them as I think that doesn't work and makes it worse, but it is hard to be silent as I have a tendency to talk too much and express everything I feel.

edit--I am divorced and lonely.

exaluva..I am sorry to hear that. You sound like such a nice person. It is really hard when a mom doesn't care as one expects their mom to always love them and see the best in them and care about their lives and problems. I feel for you, but remember just because she sisn't care it had nothing to do with you. Sometimes people are tramatised by their won childhoods, have priorities out of whack, have cold temperaments, self centered or other problems. Although difficult (I know I don't feel loved by my mom although she doesn't sound as bad as yours), one must try to let it go and parent and love themselves even more. Regardless, you really so sound like a charming guy and good man.
Well, my kids don;t like sports, but they love role playing game..I have tried to listen but find it so incredibly boring and hrd to listen to, but maybe they might invotee me to a gaming session and I could try to get into it more for the sake of understanding it better and the relationship. My

youngest learned and his gf and they all love it, so that is a good suggestion. It's coming to me that I need to listen more to what they say bugs them about me..I keep asking questions when I rewatch movies they like with them like the lord of the rings as I don't understand parts..this ticks off my son. ONce I invited them to this elaborate birthday dinner for their birthdays with all these Chinese decorations, music, and ten course Chinese meal..we all had a great time and they helped cook.,.I should do more things like that..if I give them sufficient notice, they will probably come. My kids have even told their friends what a god mom I was and I know they love me. I did way beyond the average mom...maybe that is part of it..burned them out so they don't appreciate all I did. I definitely made them my top priority and know I had a lot to do with their successes and strengths. I just never thought it woukld be like this. It totally kills me..but I am trying to accept reality..

Answer 1

I see this same pattern with my 2 brothers (ages 38 & 42) & how they deal with our mother. She's a wonderful person & a dedicated mother besides a working professional, yet they view her attempts at conversation to be meddling. As if she's prying into their privacy-- or trying to tell them what to do. Perhaps sons in particular have a stronger need than daughters to feel they've made clean cuts from their mothers.

Anyhow, as for suggestions... perhaps calls could be limited to once or twice a week & kept rather brief (but not superficial) so they don't feel you're intruding. Share with them a thought, activity or something unusual that intrigued you during the week apart. Try to refrain from asking them too many personal questions.

Before wrapping up conversations, our Mom has a lovely tradition of asking us to share one weekly highlight from our lives. She asks for one anecdote about each family member (me, my husband & 2 sons). Naturally, it's asked in a cheerful manner & it usually results in lengthier conversations.

If you live in the same city as your sons, perhaps twice a month you could invite them out for a stroll, coffee break, pizza, etc. A casual activity, perhaps out of the house. Doesn't have to be anything formal or much longer than a hour or so. Just an opportunity to catch up-- or just "shoot the breeze". If it's relaxed-- and they don't feel like you're interrogating, more than likely they'll warm up to the idea of getting together more regularly.

Good luck to you. I think it's wonderful that you care.

Answer 2

I'm envious of your son's. My mother rarely had the time of day for me, but anyway.. that's another story. You could get involved in things they like doing.... for example, going to the horse/motor racing. It's loud, it stinks, but the atmosphere is exciting and is a lot of fun. Or perhaps going to some other sort of sporting event with them. A football game, baseball, hockey, whatever....You could get both your kids along to that one. Bowling??? How's your arm?? Or maybe you could arrange a little get-together at home once every few weeks. Have a casual drink with your kids, a nice Sunday Roast (tell me ANYONE who can't resist mum's roast) Don't be afraid to tell them how much you miss them and need them in your life. I wish you all the very best.

Answer 3

Both your boys are selfish and self centered. It is obvious they don't appreciate their mother. Have they forgotten you chose to have them. Lady you are the Queen Bee! I am sorry mother, but not sorry about how I feel about your boys. Calling both brats is being nice on my part.
When you make out your will, leave them nothing. Save your money for your nursing home. Believe me they will not bother to visit you there.
You can thank me by a reply and lets make a friendship. I will make you feel like the Queen that you are!

Answer 4

one thing you really need to get a life outside of your children.You sitting here trying to think of reasons to spend time with them when bottom line is they have their own lives and they are busy.I dont want to be mean but really when your grown you leave your parents and no you dont miss them that much,Sometimes you just find you dont really have much to say to them.You can try to start a tradition of sunday dinners at your house once a month or you can call one of them on a tuesday and ask them to go to the movies with you .My mom and I went gambling once and hada blast but unless you have common interests I would set about setting up my own social life.You should be making freinds going places like the senior center and dating if possible.you make your own happiness.start a club,get a hobby whatever but do not be a clinging vine to your children.

Answer 5

calling them often and nagging them is only going to make them want to ignore you more. i have this problem with my mother in law. she calls several times daily for piddly stuff. we really are busy. and sometimes we just want to relax. it is hard to do that with someone whinning about stupid stuff in your ear every time you speak to them.
i am not implying that you do this. i am just letting you know why children don't have time to hang with thier parents once they move out. let them miss you for a while. i know it will be hard for you . you obviously love them alot. but until they realize how much they love you....all of your calling will be in vain.

Answer 6

just tell them the way u write this question but don't be demanding or nagging , or begging and take it from there, if they don't change then start developing some friends and forget bout your kids being the way you want them to be they have their own life and start having your own too., btw where is their father?

Answer 7

Invite them to dinner at least once a week or so.

Answer 8

meet them for breakfast or lunch or go to a movie enjoy the time you have together it is not the quantity of time spent it is the quality

Answer 9

Yeah,there grown and it's time to let go.If you keep bugging them your never going to see them.

Answer 10

The next time they call you, tell 'em YOU'RE busy..