We have been married for 10 years now, and i can't recall a single time that he has put me or our relationship first in anyway. When i asked him to stop speaking to a particular female because it made me uncomfortabe, he said no. that he wasn't doing anything wrong and that i was being selfish for asking him to give up a friend. (mind you he has only known her for a little under a month) they talk on the phone at obscene hours of the night.. and they are always on messenger together. please help.
2006-10-29 14:31:22 · 19 answers · asked by beckdawgydawg 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi,
The best way for telling this man actually increase they ego even more. I am not trying to be mean to you but just ignore what he is doing coz the more you think about it , they more it irratates you.
If he is on msn or on phone ignore him, do something you like rather than thinking of ppl who dont respect your feeling. Start finding wht you like and what you want to achieved.Be fair to yourself.
Get your friends grouped, go out for function. Then he will feel it as your getting further from him. I have experienced the same as you even worst from you, but i keep my life going , i take classes , go to work and just pray ..... things will be fine for you
2006-10-29 15:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by treesha_006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish. He shouldn't be talking to some other woman at odd evening hours, or on IM. Is this a co-worker? Are they on a project together? Maybe you two need to take a weekend away together and talk about what you need and want from one another and your marriage. Marriage counseling may also be beneficial. But you should not live with a loveless marriage.
2006-10-29 14:46:06 · answer #2 · answered by Carey L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somthing doesn't seem right, I think you should really consider some couseling or somthing. You are his wife he should put you before a lot of people let alone a girl he's only known for a month! I would insist these phone calls stop and to make sure they do I would talk to his "FRIEND" and tell her the phone calls need to stop! You sound like you need to put your foot down and give him a set of house rules. Good luck to you !
2006-10-29 15:38:44 · answer #3 · answered by ~* Pink Princess *~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're right to want him to put you first - and so he should, that's his job... when he married you he vowed to you, and in front of God, that he'd honour and love you, speaking to another woman all hours of the night - when he should be in bed with you - doesn't show love and certainly doesn't show honour...
-Perhaps he's forgotton his vows - you need to remind him... be stern and tell him he needs to shape up otherwise you're gone.
He can't treat you that way - you've given him ten years of your life for crying out loud and besides, you're not simply a girlfriend or lover you're his wife!!!
If he carries on with these 'friendship calls' and continues to put you 2nd, don't be afraid to leave. Sometimes these men don't know what they've got until it's gone. He's been taking your good nature for granted - show him your worth by seeing how he copes without you...
You think this lady friend of his will clean, cook, and wait on him for ten years while his attention and time is somewhere or with someone elses?? NO! and you're better than her so why should you stand for something she woudn't?
2006-10-29 14:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish and you are heading for a crash. This is an obvious affair in the making or or in the act. And the fact he is so blatant about it is a really bad sign. If it doesn't stop right away you should consider moving out to a safe place. Good luck to you.
2006-10-29 14:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by Michael da Man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being selfish? no your crazy for putting up with it..His *** would be out the door..No husband of mine would be talking to a girl on the phone or anywhere else , Now I don't mean he couldn't speek and be friendly as far as a hello but to engage in a converstion on the phone in our home ,,Oh No....There's more going on than just talk...That whole sitution is WRONG!!! Beware something is not right about that ...A bad thing is taking place or fixin too..
2006-10-29 14:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by Just Dreamin' 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, your not at all being selfish for wanting him to put you first, because he should be putting you first anyways. We should always put our spouse and their feelings and needs before our own.
Sounds like he's a product of our society these days. Our society these days has a me first mentality, and he's thinking of himself. (I know, I've been there, and my wife and I almost ended up getting divorced.) We have been married 10 years now also, and we have been going through marriage counceling with a pastor from our church and it's really helping alot.
About his talking with this female friend, especially with the phone calls and talking on-line, it sounds like he's not being faithful to you. But I think as a couple you have to have the mentality of thinking of your partner before yourself.
So no your not being selfish at all. And I applaud you for wanting your husband to give you attention and put you before himself.
2006-10-29 14:42:39 · answer #7 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
10 years and he has never put you first, wow, how did you make it this far? He obviously has little or no respect for you. If he's not cheating on you now, he sure is putting himself in a great position to do so. It's up to you whether you will tolerate his friendship with this stupid woman who calls married men in the middle of the night. I don't know what your situation is, but maybe it's time to tell him it's either her or me.
2006-10-29 14:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your relationship as husband and wife is fading and I'm afraid he is starting establishing a unusual relationship to a new girl that will end your realtionship. Talk to him in compassionate way and tell him how you love him, your family and your fear of being broken. Be honest to him and confront as early as possible but be patient. If nothing change it's better for you to find a new male friend too and open talk to him about a new male friend.
2006-10-29 14:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you are being really selfish you shouldnt think anything of it until you have proof there is something there between them other wise she may be a friend that is easy to talk to but there isnt anything going on and try to put yourself in his shoes what if you were doing the same and he asked you to stop and you knew you there wasnt anything between you and the guy what would you say. it also makes him feel like you dont trust him so be careful and just watch for signs that he is actually involved with this woman
2006-10-29 15:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋