Is it true that you have to forgive or let go of your anger before you can move forward? I have been seperated for over 1 year. I hate my spouse with a serious passion and would never take him back. But the thought on being with another man is so scary and foreign. HELP!!
2006-10-29 13:53:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through.
When I first got my divorce (I have been divorced for 8 years now) I hated my spouse with all my being. Yet, I just couldn't seem to picture myself with anyone else because of everything that I went through while I was married. I was just to scared to meet other men.
Then six months after my divorce and being on my own with 3 kids, I met the most amazing guy in the whole world...and even now we are still together!!
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is to try to keep your mind open to new things and to take things at your own pace. Remember that things happen when they are meant to and someday you may be meant to be with someone else. Good Luck to you.
2006-10-29 14:07:39 · answer #1 · answered by angelbeliever114 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anger can destroy a perfectly good person over time. Yes, you have to let it go. One reason people can't get beyond anger is because there is an unresolved problem of their own that they are trying to suppress. They project their emotion onto the nearest target in a vengeful rage. That rage may be justifiable, but so what? If you act it out, you are only going to get into deep trouble. So, what are you mad at yourself about? Feel guilty about the breakup? Beating yourself up over what part you had in it? Whatever it is, a competent relationship counselor could do you a world of good. It's all probably right under the surface, and I'll bet you will discover what it is in no time. Good luck.
2006-10-29 14:06:17 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A better reason to forgive is for the mere fact that if you don't, the anger and bitterness will control you. Think about it he wont even be in the picture yet he will have dominion over your joy. scientist are now discovering there is a link between cancers and unforgiveness. I know its not popular but if you want peace and joy in your life and don't want to become a bitter person, forgive him and move on.
And yes starting over is a scary feeling don't rush into it just take your time and work out the anger.
2006-10-29 14:03:56 · answer #3 · answered by cruizer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be with another man right now. And you can get divorced without another man. If you truly hate your spouse you are doing yourself a disfavor by not divorcing...and if you have kids then you are doing them more than a disfavor. Its ok to be on your own. The fear of it is worse than the reality. Get a lawyer and get it over with! It will make it easier to move on and get over the anger and go on with your LIFE. Don't force being with another man. You'll know when you're ready and don't date casually or sleep with a man just to have a man around out of fear of alone.
Remember, too, that stuff is just stuff. Don't get hung up about having the house especially if you can't afford mortgage and upkeep and property taxes on your own......you'd be better off selling and splitting proceeds. If he has a good retirmemtn plan get part of that too....better deal than keeping the house in exchange for the retirement funds.
2006-10-29 14:28:13 · answer #4 · answered by geocache22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say it takes two years to get over the loss of a marriage. I had to move away...same state but several hours away from him. You need to find yourself. Find out what you want out of life and from yourself. Have goals, not that you didn't before but now it's just you. Dating can be fun just don't rush it. Just enjoy being single again. I still hate my x but I stopped letting it take over my life. It's been five years. And I am so happy that I do not have that weight anymore. But just remember it takes time. Good luck to you okay?
2006-10-29 14:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by christina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people will hate their exs forever and for good reason. Move on when you feel you are ready. It sounds like you are not. Take it small steps at a time. Get happy with yourself and your life before you invite someone into it. This will take time, but it will be worth it.
2006-10-29 14:00:53 · answer #6 · answered by Dakota 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
must find a way to push through the pain- I'm in the process of leaving my husband after 14 1/2 years and three kids....iv thought about that aspect as well...but you should try and imagine what it could feel like again to have happiness again- and those "butterflies" in your stomach when you find the right person.Just get yourself busy with hobbies or a support group.
2006-10-29 21:05:57 · answer #7 · answered by t m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question provides your answer, you where hurt so deeply that you have not yet healed enough to move on. under these circumstances your feelings are quite normal. so you have no need to be worried about it. he destroyed your ability to trust, and you find yourself second guessing everybody and everything you do. it took me almost three years to get past that stage, so give yourself the gift of time, time to heal, time to rediscover who and what you are. then when you are ready for a new relationship with the opposite sex you ll find yourself looking
2006-10-29 14:38:06 · answer #8 · answered by redsyoungstud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
until u forgive this man, u will be forever tied to him, forgiving is not for his benefit,but your own. you have to rebuild your injured parts.setting people free who have hurt us, doesn't absolve them from what they did to us. we still hate him because we want him to be sorry for whatever he did to hurt us, but in reality your asking for the impossibble, he will never be accountable, or even sorry. in order to move on and trust again we have to let it go.know that there are good men out there and one day you will find him. don't let this anger stop you from living and loving another one day. just forgive, forgiveness doesn't mean you ever have to see or speak to this person again,
2006-10-29 14:14:35 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are completely normal and when the time is right you will be happy again soon.
2006-10-29 14:15:09 · answer #10 · answered by dsmiling62 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋