here is a poem, how does it sound, and do u have any suggestions.
Trapped in a world unknown
silence by a veil.
Wanting my story or plea heard
my feeble attempts seem to fail.
I become restless my soul enraged
as I watch the world move on
and my soul is lock in this cage.
Trapped in a world unknown
silence by my fears.
Not sure if I want my stroy still known.
I let my voice slowly disapper.
My restless sould begins to settle and my soul is not enrage.
I still watch the world move on
as my soul quietly rest in its cage.
Trapped in a world unknown.
No longer silence by a veil of fear.
Determined to get my story known.
I make my voice boisterly reappear.
No longer restless but my soul is enrage.
I join the world as it moves on
now that I'm free from my cage.
2006-10-29 13:37:04 · 8 answers · asked by Alternative Chick 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
it's good!
you have talent
it's a little unconnected though
read this through, i cut out some things
you don't have to go with my changes
they're just suggestions.
Trapped in a world unknown
silenced by a veil.
Wanting my story heard
my feeble attempts seem to fail.
I become restless
my soul enraged
I watch the world move on,
my soul is lock in this cage.
Trapped in a world unknown
silenced by my fears.
Not sure if I want my story still known.
I let my voice slowly disappear.
My restless soul begins to settle
my soul is not enrage.
I still watch the world move on,
my soul quietly rests in its cage.
Trapped in a world unknown.
No longer silence by a veil of fear.
Determined to get my story known.
I make my voice bitterly reappear.
No longer restless
but my soul is enrage.
I join the world as it moves on
now that I'm free from my cage.
2006-10-29 13:48:00 · answer #1 · answered by sweetestspazz24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does this sound?
here is a poem, how does it sound, and do u have any suggestions.
Trapped in a world unknown
silenced by a veil.
Wanting my story or plea heard
my feeble attempts seem to fail.
I become restless my soul enraged
as I watch the world move on
and my soul is locked in this cage.
Trapped in a world unknown
silenced by my fears.
Not sure if I want my story known.
I let my voice slowly disappear.
My restless soul begins to settle and my soul is not enraged.
I still watch the world move on
as my soul quietly rests in its cage.
Trapped in a world unknown.
No longer silenced by a veil of fear.
Determined to get my story known.
I make my voice boisterously reappear.
No longer restless but my soul is enraged.
I join the world as it moves on
now that I'm freed from my cage.
2006-10-29 13:41:36 · answer #2 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The third stanza(?) down has that one big line in it. My restless soul begins to settle and my soul is not enrage. Soul is repetitious in it. Try to eliminate words that are mentioned 2 or more times. Also work on the petameter a little bit.
2006-10-29 13:50:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sebastian=HUNK Cade sounds horny too Jackson could also be a reputation that I uncover stunning Royce & Jace= homosexual sounding (no offense to someone with that identify!) it is some thing approximately the "ce" sound on the finish of the ones 2. All of the others are simply ordinary/in among for me. But that is simply my opinion lol
2016-09-01 04:32:48 · answer #4 · answered by yarrington 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice. you really know how to write. i don't think that you need any advice except for keep up the nice work and write what your heart says, not what people tell you to
2006-10-29 13:42:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good but choppy.
Refine it
like the meaning behind it.
2006-10-29 13:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by LetMeBe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that is great!!! that is the best poem I think I have read in a long long time. =]
2006-10-29 13:39:48 · answer #7 · answered by gspress_3_years 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds great you have talent
2006-10-29 13:38:46 · answer #8 · answered by slick o 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋