Ok i was friend of a guy for almost 1 and a half year, when we were in the same class, we used to be very close... and i ended up falling in love with him, im a guy by the way, when i told him that i was, well, gay (i didnt tell him that i loved him) he totally changed with me, he no longer smiled at me, and everything was different, we didnt slept together anymore (i mean in my house, in the same bed, im not talking bout sex), we never spent time together anymore... we wereeeee before that very close... and after 2 years now he talks to me like an obligation, and i cant take it anymore, but i dont know if i just tell him once and for all that i fell in love with him and because of that i dont want to talk to him anymore (because its hard to forget him), or i just stop talking to him and i begin ignoring him and all the stuff, or any other suggestions?? plz help.
2006-10-29 13:28:06 · 14 answers · asked by Irude_san 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
he's uncomfortable around you because you're gay and he doesn't know how to act around you.
it's been two years - time to move on... forget about him. if he was truly your friend he would never have behaved the way he has been.
why would you tell him you fell in love with him? what would it change? nothing.
he's not your friend, he's not your lover.. his loss, right?
2006-10-29 13:32:23 · answer #1 · answered by HCC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, think a lot before ending a friendship... you have to talk to him. Tell him that you were and have always been gay, nothing has changed... you're the same person he liked as a really close friend... if he still continue to behave the same way he now does, well, the best thing would be to ignore him for a long time, don't look at him, don't talk to him, do not even smile when he's there and if he was really your close friend, he'll change his behavior... i don't see why you will tell him that you fell for him... well, actually it's just a suggestion, you make your decision...
2006-10-29 13:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by Gilno E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you loved him once, right?? so don't be so harsh, babe.
He was a bit of a jerk though...remember that. Don't let him make u feel like you're another thing he's gotta do (i mean talk to you).
BUT, when you tell him, don't say "I fell in love with you a while back.". "Love" in this case is a very strong word, especially for someone who, supposedly didnt take it very well that you're gay....especially cause u guys slept in the same bed sometimes...it would kind of freak him out. Also, you're trying to get him out of your life I believe, so even mentioning "love" could trigger off old feelings.
Just let him go with a "I used to like you so much, you were my friend n I thought I could confide in you...guess not. I'd appreciate if we didn't speak to each other anymore, thanks" and find a new love. Good luck, hon.
2006-10-29 13:34:52 · answer #3 · answered by cattys_cats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately no one can control how their friends or family will feel when you come out to them. For some people they actually go through the grieving process to mourn the loss of thier old friend. if alot of time has passed and they still haven't been treating you very nicely then it just isn't worth it for you to try and be friends, the relationship has changed.
Also if this person is straight they may feel awkward that they shared a bed and are trying to deal with their own homophobia and maybe questioning themselves. But gay or straight, telling a friend you love them changes the relationship no matter what.
Take the time for yourself to explore what it means to have come out of the closet. Don't ignore him but give him lots of time to deal with the fact you're gay, he needs it. Don't add the pressure of the love thing, try to meet lots of different people and you won't worry about it in time.
2006-10-29 13:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by fionagirl82 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm VERY sorry for what you must be going though. If you feel like you friend is talking to you only out of obligation then I think you should find something else to take your mind off of him. It is much harder said then actually done. In effort to save yourself the heartache I would try not to talk to him...at least until you heal. I woudn't tell him that you love him. I don't think that would help matters at all. You need to take time to yourself now.
Good Luck to you.
2006-10-29 13:34:46 · answer #5 · answered by newrenaiss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell him. He obviously doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, so you should just go your separate ways. Whatever you do, do not tell him that you "fell in love" with him. It will cause a lot of pain for both of you and he will hate you rather than just not wanting to be your friend. Just stop talking to him a lot. Be civil and say hello, and just act like acquaintances. There's no need to offiicially end anything.
2006-10-29 13:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by cucumberlarry1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ending a friendship... usually, it happens naturally. You just sort of fall out of touch. Distance yourself if you don't want to talk to him anymore. If you actually want to tell him that you want to stop being friends with him, then you should be upfront about it.
2006-10-29 13:41:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can imagine that this was very hard for him too. Try to think of that before you do irreparable damage to your friendship. Just take a long break from each other. TIme heals wounds and brings perspective.
2006-10-29 13:30:13 · answer #8 · answered by anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.
2006-10-29 14:20:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell him..he already knows what has happened and taken steps to make his position clear...he isn't going to be what he once was to you...if you still want him as a friend you have to respect the rules that he has now put down.
2006-10-29 13:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋