i know some one who has been beaten up raped and mentally abused by this man even when the police have been involved she still accepts his sorrys it wont happen again shes pregnant and he worms his way back into her life all the time and she forgives him could it be she is emotinally damaged by him and thats why she keeps excepting his im sorry or is she putting her own life at risk by forgiving him every time
2006-10-29 13:13:04 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Oh, make no mistake... he'll eventually kill her. Every abused woman (or at least those who aren't murdered by their significant other) have a "come to God meeting" with themselves where they realize that the life they're living isn't normal. Sometimes it takes someone nearly killing them to make them see the light. Sometimes they're just able to have a good support system (friends, family, church, etc.) who are there to empower them. What this woman needs most is a friend... and some counseling, if she's willing to seek it.
2006-10-29 13:16:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend probably feels like she has no where to turn or that no-one else will want her anyway - which we know is not correct -but because she has been exposed to this treatment for a period of time she believes him and is therefore unwilling to make the break.
If the woman (or in some cases the man is the victim) does not leave the first time she has a chance then the likelyhood of her leaving is very small. It often takes a very close call or extreme event where her life is truely threatened before she will WANT to leave.
A leopard never changes it spots - my ex was an abuser (mentally and physically) and had been with others before me. I finally woke up 6 1/2 years later and got out thanks to a wonderful friend that made me value me for who I am and see that there was life outside the situation I was in.
Suggest that you speak to a councellor on the topic and follow that persons advice on how to best help your friend.
2006-10-29 13:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by CGMK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I saw your question and I had to speak up. I am 18 months free of an abusive spouse. I left the day I delivered my son. (second child) She is in grave danger. Most men I have learned abuse mostly because they are feeling threatened. He may decide that the baby will take too much of her time and force an abortion by kicking her in the stomache...this could kill her and the baby. My husband liked to hit me and my daughter....he raped me with my daughter laying on the bed next to me and mentally and verbally attacked all the time....she was only 18 months at the time. All the pics I have of her candid shots she never smiles.....The baby that was in the womb during this is very clingy and jumps at loud noises even now. They do hear while they are in there and that baby is experiencing everything she experiences....but on her side of it....It is hard to make it in this world on your own add to that you now have no self esteem because of what they do to you and a child and you constantly tell yourself how can I do this alone. I will never be able to work and take care of this baby this baby deserves better than me. How will I feed it. Delivery is scary in the best of times but to have to go thru it without the one that got you that way is terrifying. She needs lots of support and love and she needs to do what we call a strict no contact. check out the website rhiannon3.net. It is for abused people read some of the stuff there have her read it have her post. They also have a side bar that has numbers to call for help. And shelter is not a dirty word. I was in on and it was great. I made friends and everyday someone had something nice to say to you or about you. You got free counciling and transportation. It was like a great big 7 week sleep over/slumber party and kids were welcome. Get her to try it. Or at least go to one of the meetings free....offer to go with her....being abused is like an adiction you are addicted to feeling bad and feel you dont deserve better. This is like a 12 step program for that.
2006-10-29 14:05:17 · answer #3 · answered by knutcase 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to get out of that environment ASAP. Not only for her but for her baby. Her life and her baby's life are at stake. Imagine a poor innocent child being brought into such an abusive atmosphere, if the baby doesn't die first due to a beating... ? Call a local women's shelter. Help her take out a restraining order against her husband. She is pregnant, abused and scared. Abused women have low self esteem and that is what keeps them in the relationship. Do you know her family? Could they help? Does she have any other friends that you could rally with and move her out while he is at work? If the police have been involved before in the past and if you want to help shelter her you could alert the authorities to that and maybe they could offer extra security....She needs to get out now! I think the first move is to get her out of the abusive situation and then worry about the divorcing thing because to answer your question YES she should divorce. I am praying for her.
2006-10-29 13:27:09 · answer #4 · answered by hollyberry 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would absolutly leave him alone, but everybody is different when it comes to how far you will go when it comes to loving someone.Everytimr he hits her and she forgives him for it she is pretty much giving him the ok to do it again. The next time he hits her it will be harder then the previous time because he is testing to see how far he can go. The more and more she takes him back the more he sees that he can get away with anything. I don't mean to be harsh talking about your friend because I don't really know her but she needs to grow a fu**ing backbone and put her foot down. She is putting herseself in danger everytime she forgives this idiot and on top of it you said that she is pregnant so neither of them care enough about that baby. He sure doesn't becauses he beats her and she doesn't care because she is letting him beat her while she is pregnant instead of letting this @sshole go. I can understand that she is emotionally attached to this guy but it is just feelings and if she leaves him now she will see that there is better out there and that she does not need to take that from anybody. It will be hard for her to leave but it needs to be done otherwise she is going to bring an innocent life into this violent environment and the baby will also have emotional problems from it. So she needs to get out now no matter how sorry he sayd he is because she will live the rest of her life getting beaten up in front of her child until one day he beats her to the point of hospitalization and God Forbid he kills her then what? She needs to put a foot down and get out now atleast for the babies sake. Who knows how this guy is going to act after the baby is born. He can put her into preterm labor by beating her. Tell her to go to the police station and ask them about housing options for domestic violence victims. They might have a women's shelter in your area that she can go to and tell her to get a restraining order against him for her protection. Good Luck Help her before it is too late!!
2006-10-29 13:28:40 · answer #5 · answered by erinfitz831 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is definitely putting her life at risk. And the life of her child. You are a good friend to be concerned. There are places you can contact to help your friend. Look up women's shelters, rape crisis centers and places like that locally. You can use the internet or phone book.
Be there for your friend. Offer your advice, but understand that she cannot see it from your point of view. There may be many reasons she stays with this man. Lack of self-esteem or self -confidence, dependency issues, or she is scared. She may also really believe she loves this man. Or a combination of any of these.
There may be nothing you can do except be there for her and provide the friendship and help she needs.you may be able to convince her, but if she is going to get out, she will have to be willing and take the initiative.
You are a good friend. She needs that. I wish you both well.
2006-10-29 13:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by Babyred 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunely your friend will have to hit rock bottom before she will leave this guy. Maybe she has some brians and if he hits her while pregant or while is holding the baby she will get the clue. But most women are so emotinally screwed up they think this is it and end up dead from this men.. There isnt nothing you can really do except tell her how scared you are for her and her baby and see if that would change her, but it will be hard..
But YES if that was me, I would kill his a&& and leave....
2006-10-29 13:20:41 · answer #7 · answered by Alexis221 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't have to think twice about leaving. If she thinks there's noplace to go, she can call the police and ask - even the Salvation Army can help.
She needs to run - and shouldn't look back. Maybe she's okay with being beaten and aboused but is that what she wants for her baby?
After she gets out of there and settled somewhere else, she needs some counceling to find out why she thinks it's okay to be beaten up. She needs help - you need to help her!
2006-10-29 13:34:26 · answer #8 · answered by NEWTOME 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She probably keeps taking him back b/c she is afraid that he will do something worse if she leaves him. But if it was me I would divorce him in a heart beat. She can get him arrested for abuse and things but she has to be the one to press the charges. Her life is at risk especially if she is pregnant.
2006-10-29 14:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by firefighter bound 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course she's damaged emotionally by his abuse. She has terribly low self esteem. Make sure that you get here the telephone number of the closest women's shelter house. She's both emotionally damaged and putting her life in danger. Tell her as often as you can that she doesn't need to live that way, that there is help available.
2006-10-29 13:55:34 · answer #10 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋