Is it normal to want to want to talk to the other woman? I found out that my husband was cheating on me. He doesnt want to give me any answers that I feel are necessary for me to feel that I am doing the right thing, and for closure. I have sent her e-mails, and called, but she always has an excuse. They both say nothing happened, but I have enough proof to show me that something did. Is this normal to want to know?
2006-10-29 13:01:36 · 18 answers · asked by crzyfiregirls 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have already said that it was over, and started the divorce paperwork. I did this because he was staying at her house with my son there...
2006-10-29 13:09:50 · update #1
To make matters worse, I am deployed overseas right now. That is why he had my son, no excuse for him to be there though.
2006-10-29 13:11:08 · update #2
I know this from because of phone messeges, and a picture...
2006-10-29 13:14:02 · update #3
i believe it is normal to want to speak to the other woman,but it seems the more we know the more hurt we will be, all one needs to know is he cheated, and he chose her over you. the more information you get the more upset you will become. do you really believe you will get any truth here out of him or her?the bottom line is he cheated, you don't need all the details to decide what to do, theres no need to speak to her, or try and get him to admit to it. he never will, if he admitted it he would have to be accountable.don't waste your time on either of them, because it will not change the outcome at all.when it happened to me i did not want to speak to this woman, or him, he made his choice and there was nothing to say, even if he did come home to me, it would have only been because she dumpted him, not because he loved me.i knew i could never get past this betrayal and it's best to just end it before you invest anymore time with a cheater. i knew my future did not lie with him.
2006-10-29 13:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a womans first instinct after absorbing the fact that a spouse has cheated. You want to speak to the other woman and know what she looks like, why they did it etc. I remember wanting to know what the other woman looked like. When I discovered she was really quite average looking I was more confused.
Can't say that much satisfaction can be gained from this most times though. Except maybe realising that most cheaters don't really give much thought to their actions or the effect it will have on their families.
I really feel for you being away and knowing your son was with him. I know how hard this kind of thing is and it really takes a long time to heal. I found that my faith helped me through. Be kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to get answers because most times I dont think there are any. A lot of times it just comes down to temptation and opportunity combined with a lack of commitment.
2006-10-29 14:26:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to want to know, but the details won't help you bring closure, just more questions and pain. If you know he's been cheating, then that's all you need to know. Of course he's going to lie. The particulars of what they did, or why he has done this won't help you deal with it. Just be happy that you figured this out now. Living dwelling on the past only hurts yourself. Let it go and move on, so you can enjoy the rest of your life. Tomorrow is a new day.
2006-10-29 13:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by seattlego 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is beyond normal. You want to know not only why, but what was she thinking doing such a thing to you. You are the innocent party in this mess. You do have all the proof you need to show they were together. Now you have to decide if it is worth trusting him again..or do you want to just have him go away now. It's hard to trust once they cheat. And if he doesn't want to talk it through to get it all settled, there are a few issues you have to work out for yourself. Even if he swears nothing happened, or even if he admits it finally and swears never again...can you trust his words anymore? Men who cheat are repeat cheaters. And it is tough to be hurt. Best of luck dear. This is a hard one.
2006-10-29 13:08:11 · answer #4 · answered by the witch 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, you know that he cheated on you?
Secondly, is all proof is that he was not at home at that time and came back after midnight and your assumptions? What could easily be false. Or is it like you got a video of him cheating or your friend or you saw them kiss each other and go to a hotel room or to her house? Think of that again and think if you really do know that he cheated on you.
If they both trying to hide the information than something happened and possibly they actully didn't want it to happen.
Thirdly, its typical for you trying to find out about WHO cheated on oyu. If I understand right you phone and e-mail to the woman who your man cheated with and its perfectly fine. You love your man and don't want to lose him and trying to find out why he actually done it.
If you phone to some woman stranger (other way thequestion can be understood) then you probabaly want to hear other woman's point of view and try to find out if you interpreted the events correctly, get the opinion of other people to help you.
Hope that helps, Wolfy.
(Hope everything works out goood with you and your man. Best wishes and good luck)
2006-10-29 13:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by lone_wolf_time_to_change 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to want to know what happened, but you can't let your curiousity take control of your life and stress you out. You have tried to get answers from both ends, but no one will fess up to what you want to hear. You either have to accept what you have been told, which is very hard to do, or you can keep banging your head against the wall. Do you still want to be with your husband, because if you do you will have to accept what you have been told. Also, stay away from the other woman because she will just cause you to question yourself and what you know and you could even feel depressed about yourself.
2006-10-29 14:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by Michaela 4120 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend cheated on me and I wanted to know everything!! I called the girl and got some info but I wanted more. It still kills me and I can't forgive him. We are still together but things have changed I know we love each other less. I can't move forward sorry isn't enough. I think you can only move forward if you know the whole truth.
When you talk to her be nice and not mad. If you act understanding she will tell you more.
Remember she's a slut but he is your husband and he is more so in the wrong. Be mad at him! Good luck
2006-10-29 13:08:17 · answer #7 · answered by traci s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is it with us when this happens somebody cheats on us and we ant to have all the details most of which hurt us more than the cheat....Do yourself a favor and get your kid live wherever and be happy. Somebody wronged you and you need to let them get their own karma.
2006-10-29 13:25:46 · answer #8 · answered by lol_des 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is, but you should make sure that you are FULLy prepared for what she has to say. I've been in that situation TWICE. the first time I was really young and I wanted to know WHY, what was it that I wasnt doing to keep him home etc. Was soooo unprepared in that situation. But when it happend again later on in life, I actually spoke with her and was ready for what she had to say. It truly did help me to close that chapter in my life.
2006-10-29 13:06:30 · answer #9 · answered by kcrobinson03 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perfectly normal. BUT, when this happened to me, I called the woman. She called me back and was very rude to me....and told me she knew he was with me when she slept with him...so naturally I wanted to kick her butt!! And her reaction to me made everything worse for me-emotionally.
Some things you may think you want to know, but are probably way better off not knowing.
2006-10-29 13:11:42 · answer #10 · answered by hairstylist1970 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋