seperated but living together [good idea or bad?]?

Question

i told my husband a couple weeks ago i want a devorce. we agreed that it would be better over all to wait untill after the holidays for him to move out. sinse than hes been nothing but nice. he helps cook and clean and helps more with kids. i think hes trying to kiss up. the problem is he still wants sex and gets mad at me when i refuse him. how do i handle this? i dont want to have to live with a lot of tenstion for the next couple of months. r we just making a bad choice by living together while seperated or is it possible to get through it without hating each other in the end?

Answer 1

In my opinion, when it's over, it's over. He moves out, the kids get adjusted to his not being there, and life is without him being there. What you are doing is going to do more harm than good.

Answer 2

Well....definetly don't ever give in to his request b/c that just sends him a mixed message. Sometimes all people want is sex anyway so he may feel like he's got a great deal on his hands. Let him know that you are serious about this and definetly don't sleep in the same room/bed. That just may make it harder for the both of you! I believe you can definetly get through this time period and divorce and not hate one another. I am trying to live and act by that creedo myself but don't allow yourself to cross a line. Have you come up with your line yet? LOL. The line that in your mind draws out what your relationship was and now what it has to be! Definetly do this ASAP and that way you can fully explain it to him and he should aim to respect it! Hopefully he will and the living situation will be managable rather than full of tension! Things i'm sure will get a little better between you to when he leaves. It will allow you both to begin to accept and embrace what needs/ is going to happen for you both now! I hope you to can work it out for the better of the kids. I know it can be hard at times so I wish you much strength! Good Luck!

Answer 3

At the risk of offering advise without really knowing how you feel, I offer the following:
First, it is a bad idea for you to live with him if you are seperated, regarless of the kids. Unless there is purly a financial reason for it, I advise against this.
I am amazed that sex with him is even an issue. Obviously if you considered seprating and divorcing, there are problems that are irreparable. Sex with guy only prolongs the inevitable and worst confuses both you and the children.
I would advise you to have him move out or vise versa, then if there are efforts (without sexual involvement) to get you back, perhaps your next step should be counseling.
Please don't allow the nice thngs he is doing to manipulate, control or confuse you any longer.

Answer 4

You are probably right - he's realizing that he'll be worse off without you and either he's trying to repair the relationship (by his behavior) or he's just wanting sex. As a woman, it can be financially straining to run a household on your own, with or without support. But if you are sure about the end of your marriage, then it's best that one of you move out and begin the period of adjustment. If the only reason he's being nice is for sex, you'll feel that much more horrible when he finally does leave (like I imagine a hooker with morals feels - is there such a thing?) Good luck with your situation.

Answer 5

You are lucky. Were I in that position and you wanted the divorce it would be you doing the moving not me. If you want separation then do it. Why wait until after the holidays? No one benefits from this arrangement. You have left the door open and he is trying to stay in. If you want a divorce move out and go get it . Do the right thing and quit saying its for the kids. None of it is. If you don't hate him now why the divorce?

Answer 6

If you can get so many months by with good terms for each of you then i congratulate you.
Living with a partner who you care about, had intimacies with etc. and now dont is tough.
It sounds great that he's helping around the house but him pushing to have sex definately is a no no.
If he's using things like 'oh but i did this & that...but what about my needs...but all the time we were 2gether' etc etc then he should move out.
Consider your emotions if he meets another woman whilst you're living under the same roof.

Answer 7

This is very hard without knowing you both but in my opinion if you are determined to get divorced then live separately .In his mind you are still his wife and is expecting sex but on the other side he thinks you are divorcing and he can play around with other women bringing you home diseases you don't want.

Answer 8

I can really answer this been there .No break the ties now,so what the hoildays will come weather you are together or not,its not helping the kids,you or him by prolonging things,he can still contribute for the hoildays and visits.you are hindering the situation and making it mush tougher then it needs to be.get a grip and get seperate places.

Answer 9

As an Ex Serviceman, and army brat who lived out of the country in Heidelberg and Mannheim i will see how lonely you'll be able to desire to be. i think of its good so you might %. up what you think of is mandatory and deliver it decrease back to the U. S.. Then in the subsequent couple weeks head decrease back living house to stay with family members. you will get all it rather is coming to you in a protracted time while the divorce is finalized. additionally, the separation might enable for time to repair the marriage if it rather is available.

Answer 10

You threatened divorce, he responded positively. Maybe he is getting mad because he feels that he is trying to do his part and you are not "doing yours" for him. Any possibility of getting counseling and working things out, at least for the kids' sake?