I am 7 mths preg. w/ a little girl, that belongs to a man I love. We also have a 3 yr old together, and I have a 10yr old that calls him dad, because he has been his dad for the last 6 yrs. This man has problems though. He is an alcoholic and Meth addict. He was clean for almost a year, but then fell off the wagon in June, managed to lose everything, his car, tools, home, me and his kids. He told me he is going to be going back to rehab this week. I believe that he will. He is such a good man when he is sober, but he has wronged me very much when he started drinking again, and when he started doing meth again, he even cheated on me about 3 months ago. That means while I was pregnant. I want my children to have a father, and when he is clean he is everything we need and want. I just don't know if it is worth my time to take him back after he completes 3 months of rehab. I know he wants me and I love him. Do I risk it again, or let him fend for himself and earn me back?
2006-10-29 12:29:14 · 11 answers · asked by ShaunaK76 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
We were engaged, I broke off the engagement. I work full time for Southern Wine and Spirits and part time serving at a restaraunt. I take care of my kids alone as of July when I kicked him out.
2006-10-29 12:35:36 · update #1
You mentioned that he is great when he's sober.
Your man is sick and needs help. But, you also need to protect your children from addiction and drugs.
I think that if he gets help and truly tries to get better you can watch from a distance and give him time to prove that he can change. There are programs that attempt to create a psychic change in people. Most twelve step programs do not only get people off of the drugs that they are on but they attempt to create a spiritual way of life for the person who suffers addiction. If your man can have such a psychic change it can be very powerful and life changing. He will need a psychic change if he is to remain sober and change his life.
As for the things lost and the cheating. He did not do these things when not ill and not on the drugs. They are of little consequence or importance. What is important is that he get off of the drugs. If he can sufficiently change psychologically and quits the drugs then give him a chance. It sounds like you all are invested in each other.
If he continues the drugs...you will have to sever the ties.
Let him know you want him to change and want him to succeed.
It will go a long way towards his recovery.
2006-10-29 12:39:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you sure have your hands full and i hope your family is helping you . I think you may have to wait and see how it goes once he goes to rehab. Hopefully he does get help and never does meth again. That stuff will kill him and then you won't have him at all. I think you should encourage him to stay clean and be there for him while he is away, the children may help him stay clean also so Dont cut him out completely..Hang in there and hopefully things will work for all of you.. Praying for him won't hurt! Good Luck!
2006-10-29 12:53:54 · answer #2 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's hard. I too have been to rehab, and when I came home I thought every thing would be great but it wasn't. It took us an entire year to realize that I had built a huge wall between my fiance' and myself and letting him go has been the hardest thing ever but it was even harder to pretend. Its totally up to you sweetie. that's not something any one else can answer except you. Is he worth it to you? Is the relationship worth fighting for and stressing over? Do your kids deserve better? I know mine do. Either way Good Luck to you and Congratulations on the new baby.
2006-10-29 12:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by Missy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hate to say it but you need to let him fend for himself. your kids need a stable healthy environment and he has clearly shown you that his addictions (whether drugs, alcohol, or women) mean more to him then your family.
a counselor once told me that a small percentage of men that seek rehab of some sorts actually come out of it successfully. and of that small percentage, an even smaller percentage continue that course past the first year.
you need to think about your kids and their well-being. along with yours. he isnt going to change overnight or in three months. yes when he is clean he gives you and the family everything you need/want ... but how long is he going to really stay clean. how many more times can you go through it?
2006-10-29 15:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by toshoa76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire you to want to stay with someone for the kids, especally for the one your pregnant with. If you took him back the last time, he might expect you to take him back again. This time, as hard as it may be, I would make him earn you and the kids back. It might sound bad but tell him that if he wants to be a family and be in your kids and especally the new babys life, he has to clean up and stay clean or your gone forever because thats no house to raise 3 kids in. Take that into consideration as well if and when he cleans up. Make him earn you and your kids back. But if he does it again, take your kids and especally yourself out of that situation. You and your kids deserve a better life with someone without an addiction.
2006-10-29 12:40:03 · answer #5 · answered by Katie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already gave him a couple of chances. If it was just booze that is the problem, that wouldn't be too bad, but meth? That's tough! Getting rid of a meth addiction is worse than any other drug. You'd be better off finding someone else, but check them out first..Sorry.
2006-10-29 12:47:51 · answer #6 · answered by MIGHTY MINNIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you so much having been in your place just different role and i wish the best for you but i would wait a couple months and watch and see if he starts doing the things he used to if not give him another chance you have to think about whats best for your kids and unborn child god bless you
2006-10-29 13:13:19 · answer #7 · answered by jessica p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my wife is a coke addict and i left her and took our 2 boys. i have gone back and left her 5 times i love her very much but i am tired of the cycle and tired of trying to make it work i understand your plight when you can say that you gave it your all then and only then should you not let him back. i can honestly say i have and i am done with her.you decide when enough is enough. good luck and dont let him loose every thing you have before you make your decision.
2006-10-29 13:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by tugboat21601 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wounld give him ONE more chance. But be blunt and stern with him AND yourself....let him know in no uncertain terms....if he does not keep himself clean this time it is over for good....no more second chances, no more discussion, no looking back.
good luck
2006-10-29 12:38:43 · answer #9 · answered by kb9nss 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
make him work to get back with you but show him hope and that you are still there for him.But make sure he stays on his own for a while that way you know its true to the both of you
2006-10-29 12:35:00 · answer #10 · answered by furby_lost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋