After 15 years?

Question

You would think after 15 years talking would come easy.But it is not. I told my spouse this morning I felt very far away from him and we never talked any more at least not about thing that were deep.....I mean we talk about the weather and the kids and the house and stuff like that. But we don't talk aobut any thing with substance....Why? Have any of you been through this before? It is now evening and we have hardly spoken a word to each other since this morning? It is driving me nuts!

Answer 1

Okay, do you remember when you first met and you could talk to each other for hours? There was so much to talk about because you had just met and were finding out about each other.

Perhaps now you both feel like you know everything there is to know about each other. It sounds like things have become stale.

Take a night class together - maybe Sign Language or Landscape Gardening, Taxidermy, Ballroom Dancing - it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it is something that neither of you has ever done before. Go for coffee afterwards, you'll find that you have something to talk about as you are both learning and growing.

Try playing a board game after the kids are asleep or look through old photographs from when you first met. Talk about what your goals and dreams were then and how you could still make them happen (if you have not already made your hopes and dreams a reality)

My husband & I both like to read and often will chose an author that we have not read before and will read one of his books each and then when we are done, we swap books and then we have something to talk about. We live out in the country and in the Fall we spend a day out cutting wood for the winter - not very exciting you might think, but we talk the whole time!

We like to go for a drive - usually a kind of mystery tour, as we don't know where we will end up! Go fishing together, whatever you do, do it together if you normally don't do that. Go on a "date", give him a "make-over" where you pamper him for a day (run his bath, scrub his back, cut his nails, cleanse his face and generally make him feel special) and then he can give you a "make-over" the next time. The important thing is for you two to re-connect with each other.

If all else fails, go to one of those Marriage Encounter week-ends or take an Alpha course together or talk to a Therapist or Councellor.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

After 15 years, what else is there to talk about? I would suggest doing something totally different. You can get the kids involved, too. You can say that every Saturday, one person in the family gets to do something that you all have never done before and that they'll like to do. It could be anything from smashing a coconut to making s'mores over a campfire in the backyard. Pretty soon I'm sure you all will be laughing and have plenty to talk about afterwards. I hope it works out for you.

Answer 3

It's difficult, I know. You slowly grow apart and it seems like such a long way home some times. You can't expect to have engaging conversations all the time, but plan for them... Set a "date night" if you can. Take a drive with no specific destination, have a picnic, sit outside and watch the stars and reminice about the good ol' days. Yeah, that's what I do. It's nice, but it's not an everyday occurence. That keeps things in perspective though.

Answer 4

I learned a long time ago that men don't like to discuss 'deep issues'. Women communicate on a more emotional level and men just talk about 'stuff' which they can understand. I gave up and don't even bother trying to talk about personal things with my husband. Do give him points if he takes an interest in the kids though. Some men don't.

Answer 5

Maybe you should plan something with just the two of you. Maybe something you both wanted to do and never did. Or if you can't plann it by yourself tell him the planns you want to make. That might get him interested in a conversation. If that doesn't work I would just talk to him and try to find out why he doesn't talk to you anymore.

Answer 6

Was he always this way? My husband is this way, and in retrospect he always has been. I've decided its not what I want in my life. Why would anyone want that? However, you have 15 years of time into it, I only have 2 years. The problem is obviously not you, its him. But, unfortunately it'scommon. Most men are this way. I wish I was a lesbian.

Answer 7

Start talking to yourself like little kids play and make the toys talk.
For me is no problem because I love to talk and can make long story of nothing or just little. I love to laugh and have fun.
Some people are so series or so boring and I don't care about them.

Answer 8

stop waiting on him to make the change and do it yourself. sounds like you've hit a slump in your relationship. try to spice things up a little bit and the conversation should come naturally. maybe he has something on his mind and doesnt know how to tell you. just make a few adjustments and if that doesnt work just ask him point blank 'why dont we have deep conversation anymore'

Answer 9

maby he just does feel so close to u!
go out have a good time and dont worry about him!!
sit him down and tell him how u feel, if it doesnt seem to work they leave for a while!
if he doesnt come chasing after u then leave for good!
sorry about this but it seems like it would be the best thing to do!

Answer 10

Life is hectic and sometimes we just do what we can to get through it....you want an great communication with your husband than get a sitter go on a date have great sex than communicate. It works stress free relaxed and connected.