To make a long story short, my husband and I have been married for a short period of time. During this time, he has been deployed to Iraq. So, we really haven't lived together long as husband and wife. Before we got married, my husband fathered two children other children as well as mine. I stayed with him. I forgive him for that. However, now it's just not working. We don't communicate. The sad part is I don't want to talk to him. Reasons being because he's very controlling and stubborn. It's basically his way or the highway. The other day I put a label on an envelope. He tore it up and put another one on differently. He also is abusive emotionally. He constantly put me down. Nothing I ever do is right. I"m here now because of my kids. How long does this last? Is it worth my happiness or peace of mind? Is this the price I need or have to pay for my children?
2006-10-29 09:39:20 · 29 answers · asked by Blu 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It takes a happy mother to have happy children. Your children know that you are not happy, they feel your emotions even when you are not openly sharing your feelings about you relationship with their father. Don't ever stay in a relationship for the sake of your children. Your kids will grow up someday and have relationships of their own, and you will be left in a miserable relationship with a man that you are no longer in love with. Your children need you to be a good role model for them, and teach them how a good relationship should be. If you are miserable, they will be miserable too. and you and your entire family, including your husband deserve to be happy. Do what you need to do in order to maker yourself and your children safe, healthy and happy. Take care...
2006-10-29 09:49:23 · answer #1 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you both have been through a lot. You taking care of kids and him not there for you. Perhaps the war has changed him also. So the best way that I see to settle it is to sit down and tell each other your feelings. Perhaps he doesn't want to be in the marriage either. If you can not resolve the situation without abuse and arguing, I suggest you get professional help. No one should stay for the sake of their kids. You will have to have a plan as to what you are going to do if you decide to leave him and seek a divorce. Go for counseling to help you do that too if need be. wish you well.
2006-10-29 09:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by oldone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that my dear. But I can tell you that you need your happiness more than ever. Why should he keep you down all the time? You have your human rights as well. You see love is sharing, caring, honouring, trusting and above all else, the gift of oneness.
If he is controlling and stubborn, then what does he expect from you? My dear lady, please follow your heart and do what you think is right for you. You can not live a life of pretence. You need to be truly happy. If he cant change, no option but to leave him and move forward.
2006-10-29 19:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by sweet 12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband left me 2 years ago and I thought that my kids would hate us. They are not stupid. They know what's going on whether you want to believe it or not. My son was 10 and my daughter was 7 when we separated. They adjusted very well. I didn't think that they would but if you are unhappy, the kids know it. Mine knew I was unhappy until I did things that made me happy. They have adjusted amazingly well. You can do it. Do not stay with him for the childrens sake.
2006-10-29 11:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
" Very simply... do you still love him?. If you look past all the disappointments, is he your man. Make sure you ask yourself all the questions . Don't be too selfish here because its not just you at stake. Look back and ask what attracted you to him before. Also ask yourself are you showing him any RESPECT. For no other reason than because YOU picked him and you are a very smart person and HE has alot of important qualities. When was the last time you told him "I like it when you..." , "You mean alot to me because you...", "Thanks for all you do" (and list one or two) and watch him respond emotionally to you because then he knows that you are HIS woman...Why would he want any other when he is getting his needs met by the one he loves...he wouldn't think of anyone else...he'll call you first. I believe the results would be immediate... Good Luck .
2006-10-29 09:59:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is it good for your children, having you (probably both of you!) unhappy?
Children think that what they grow up with is normal.
I believe I chose between the devil and the deep blue sea when I chose to leave my ex, taking our daughter with me. But I'd rather have her think it's normal to visit Dad every other weekend and spend time actually doing things with him, than have her think it's normal for a Dad to start drinking the moment he gets home from work and not stop until it puts him to sleep. (He stays [mostly] sober when she's with him.)
Sure, try counselling if you both want. Start by telling him how you feel. But really, your husband has no right to make your life a misery - if he can't or won't see that, the best thing you can do for your children is to get them away from his influence.
I know it's much harder to actually leave him than to stay and hope things improve - I felt totally surreal as I drove my daughter along the motorway towards my parents' home in the middle of the night when I left my ex - but building a new life for us has been a liberating experience for me.
Whatever path you choose, make it one YOU CHOOSE, not one he chooses for you. Good luck, arohanui (aroha = affection, love; nui = big).
2006-10-29 10:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by ~jve~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can look at it two different ways- you take your children and raise them the best you can. Or you stay in that situation and let your children learn that that's the way love is supposed to be, which of course it isn't, but that's what they're going to think.
I and my husband come from single-parent families, we are both very stable and agree that it was best for us that our parents split.
Please do not think that by splitting up you are being selfish- a lot of the time it's best for the children not to be exposed to that bitterness and abuse. If you have boys do you want them to grow up thinking it's ok to treat women that way? And if you have girls do you want them to grow up thinking it's ok to be treated that way!
You are in an abusive relationship. Honey for your sake and theirs, take them and go.
2006-10-29 09:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by indygocean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've asked myself this alot... and there are two ways to look at it.
First.... We have just one life.... and although we have children, we have an obligation to ourselves to be happy. We cannot put our own lives on hold for them.... we have to make our way and include them in it... and work hard to be sure that our happiness will spill over to them.
Another point of view.... that someone once very important to me said.... our children are worth every sacrifice we can make for them, even if it means sacrificing our own happiness and living with regrets.
Under your circumstances.... with him being in the military and gone alot anyway.... the decision would be very easy for me. Good luck.
2006-10-29 09:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't lived together as husband and wife, then it may be smart to just give it some more time. There may be an adjustment period especially if he just came back from Iraq.
2006-10-29 09:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave this relationship as soon as you possibly can. The longer you stay the longer you and your children suffer. You need to be happy in order for your children to be happy. It's not worth loosing your mentality and self respect to stay there longer than you have.
Best of luck.
2006-10-29 10:07:52 · answer #10 · answered by Tawney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋