Why is my life SO terrible? Is it because I don't go out to church, even though I'm religious? Is it because

Question

my parents weren't married at the time I was born? I am tired of asking why everything is so much harder for me.
Every, single, minute aspect of my life is difficult and sometimes I just want to die.
I have to work twice as hard as everyone around me for things that are just GIVEN to them effortlessly.
I hate waking up everyday knowing what I have to live with.
I hate watching other people live their normal little, perfect happy lives, then they get mad at me for being sad all the time because they are always happy.
Even physically, every part of my body has disgusting flaws, I AM SICK OF NEVER GETTING TO BE HAPPY!
Someone please help, and I don't need to hear the old "think of the positive things in your life" because THERE ARE NONE, AT ALL, I'd rather have never been born at all, anyway.
It's been like this for almost 11 years, I've had a horrible life since before I was 6 years old, but that's when I first noticed it.
PLEASE HELP

JUST TO MENTION THIS, I KNOW PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO MAY HAVE NEVER SET FOOT IN A CHURCH AND THEY HAVE INCREDIBLE LIVES, THEY AREN'T BAD PEOPLE BUT THEY COULD DEFINITELY USE A SERMON OR TWO.

Answer 1

You need a plan. Grab a piece of paper and a pencil.

First ... make a list of the things you want to do before you die ..
. visit the Grand Canyon? See the Eiffel Tower? Learn to surf? See the aurora borealis? Make a record?

Mark 'em down! Put it in your wallet. Refer to it often.

Second ... where do you want to be in six months? A year? Five years? Write it down on another piece of paper. Then do ONE thing EVERY DAY toward those goals. You absolutely have to have goals .. they're your road map through the wilderness, girl!

I'll give you some ideas .. In six months, you can take a virtual tour of jobs that interest you, and figure out what you want to do
...in six months, you can be 1/4 of the way through a college degree.

In one year, you can be HALF way to a college degree! You can be saving toward a houseboat on the Colorado River!

In five years, you can have MULTIPLE degrees, be making more money than you could possibly spend, and living in a high rise on Maui!

YES you can ... I'm living proof of this. I joined the Navy at the age of 29 (!) with three kids! And learned avionics...then taught it!

I went back to school in my 50's, for my degree in Human Services (social Work for abused kids). I chose night school, and found out that the folks going to night school are half nuts and an absolute blast to be in class with .. not at all like school was decades ago.

My five year plan was to have a house..OUT of California ..in woods so deep I'd have to pipe in sunshine. I made it in THREE. And paid cash for my house, after starting out homeless and broke.

Along the way, I learned something important. I learned not to make other folks' opinions my reality. What other folks think of me doesn't matter. IT DOES NOT MATTER. I learned the definition of codependency (where someone else's wants are more important than your needs) .. and STOPPED it.

I learned that with all the emotional energy I was spending trying to make other people happy, I could make myself happy instead!

I still have my little wallet list .. of places I want to go and things I want to do ... almost all of the states are crossed off, but none of the countries like Ireland or Scotland or Australia. I did learn to surf AND ride motorcycles. I bought a Harley .. and decided I was probably too old for that sort of thing (surfing, too).

And third .. which is really first ... I want you to get a tablet .. maybe some notebook paper .. lots of it. Then, I want you to write down all the things bothering you about yourself, about others .. the things you've done wrong to yourself and to others ... the good things, the bad times.. Then, I want you to read it aloud. Cry over it. Laugh over it. Then, find a little barbeque pit somewhere and BURN IT...a couple pages at a time.

As the ashes float away, realize that all the bad memories float away with it. YOU ARE FREE.

Then, laugh and get to work on your lists!

I darn near had a bonfire when I burned my tablets.. 'cause I had FOUR legal size tablets .. written on both sides .. in tiny writing (I had an exciting life ya know). Singed my eyebrows, too.

I'll help you through this, if you like. I've been there, truly. Just email me and we'll start on it, ok?

Answer 2

Well, the "christians" in that room were not acting very christian giving you dirty looks, condescending lectures and trying to snatch you up for their churches. You shouldn't feel horrible because you have no opinion on your beliefs of religion. You shouldn't be pressured into a religion, if you are curious you should ask, sure, but it is YOUR choice and they honestly have no right to make you feel bad simply because you either don't know or don't agree with them.

Answer 3

We must be related in some way. I can relate to every word of that. The only advice I have for you is that you're not the only miserable person in the world. Even the people who seem happy and seem like they have everything are really just as messed up as the rest of us. I think the reason is that people care too much about material things and outside appearances. You have to tune the rest of the world out and retreat into some sort of fantasy world. It's how I've always handled the misery that is my existence.

Answer 4

Call and make an appointment with a therapist, it sounds like clinical depression to me. Therapy and meds make a world of difference!

Answer 5

I think that if you are feeling like going to church would help then go for it.