Should you marry a single mother.... if her CHILD is a BRAT???

Question

This 6yr old has some serious behavior issues......The KID is disrepecting my HOUSE...I love her......but her CHILD is out of control...!!!!!

Answer 1

NO!

Her child is out of control because she is not teaching him proper behavior. It is very possibly because she is more focused on her relationship with you and not giving him the attention and discipline a young child needs. I have been a single mother since my son was 5 (he's now 15) - I have made this mistake to some extent, so I am speaking from experience.

They are a "package deal" - if you do not love him, then you should not marry her. If you do love him, then you should seriously discuss how to raise him as a team once you do live together/get married. Child rearing issues cause many problems even when the biological parents are together, and especially when a step-parent enters the picture.

Also, the child's needs must come first in her life. How can you love/respect a woman whose values allow her to neglect her own child's needs? I was with a man for several years, and gave him plenty of time to resolve his issues and become involved in his daughter's life. He never did, and I had to end the relationship. I felt that if he couldn't be dependable for his own flesh and blood, he'd never really be there for me or my son, either.

It's a HUGE decision you are making, so really think about ALL the implications not only for yourself, but for this innocent child and his mother.

Answer 2

It's her fault, uno. A child doesnt raise itself very well!!! This is something that will always be a problem in your relationship if the mother doesnt know how to raise a child properly given her circumstances and/or the child's environment for the past 6 years. Who primarily was raising the child...how much attention does the mother put on the child in her presence....how do you see her handling the child's poor behavior? Apparently, your 'love' is lovable to you as a woman, but she's not a good mum. The child is only 6!!! A baby!!!!
If you want to marry this woman, all the step parent issues and bio parenting issues should be dealt with prior to marriage and a good plan on how to come together sanely on raising the child while you are together. Good luck. The child needs a fresh start, relearn all the basic fundamentals of good behavior....are you willing to go the distance for love of this woman AND her child? Peace. ;)

Answer 3

If the child is out of control, it's likely because the mother is not great at parenting. The bad news is... that's not going to change if she doesn't want it to or doesn't think his behavior is a problem or if she's just lazy about parenting.

The good news is, 6 years old is still young enough to correct these issues if you have a willing parent, preferrably TWO willing parents. But... to make this decision about marriage, you cannot go into it assuming that she will change or he will either.

He will not change if she doesn't.

Suggestion? Have a heart to heart with her. Explain to her your concerns about his behavior. Tell her that you know it's been difficult for her to raise him on her own up til now and you are at a point in your relationship where you want to know if you would be able to deal with the responsibility of step-parenting... and that if you guys were to ever TAKE that next step, that it would be important for the child/future children for you guys to be on the same page with parenting styles/techniques... so....

You'd like for you guys to attend parenting classes together. One good one is called "S.T.E.P." or Systematic Training for Effective Parenting and would probably be available through your local Community Services agency or Cooperative Extension Program or hospital. You could call your local Department of Social Services to see if this or any other parenting classes are available that are recommended by them.

If she doesn't want to go, doesn't want to discuss it, or is completely insulted by the suggestion that she take parenting classes, then you have the red flag you need to know that if you marry her, the situation will only get worse. A child who's out of control at age 6 is a horror story at age 16.

Answer 4

Thats up to you. Maybe the child's a brat because he/she's been through a divorce/break up, has no father figure, and she's stressed out with work, being a single mom, ect and isn't sure how to compensate for it. Having a caring step father could be the best thing that happens to this child. But if you aren't willing to put time and effort into being a good step parent... and treat the child as your own, then do her and her child a favor, and bow out now.

Answer 5

When you get involved with a woman who has a child, you had better accept that child as part of the whole package. Mother and child are a package deal. Once your marry the mother, that child becomes your own. I personally never wanted to marry into a ready made family, but that is just my opinion. Many many people marry someone who has children, and they seem to love being a mother/father to their spouse's children. It is a very personal decision. The way she disaplines her child now is the same way she will disapline her child after you are married. Either accept them both the way they are, or move on.

Answer 6

Umm guess what most children are brats especially at that age, especially when they arent ur own..and im sorry i find it hard to believe that a grown man cant outsmart a 6 year old child.. and think of ways to get this child to divert from the behavior that they are using.. and if u cant handle a 6 year old.. then u need to not get married to anyone that has children, nor have children urself because if u think its bad at 6 wait till they hit teenage years lol..

Answer 7

HELL NO!!!!

Because when you are married it is a package and you will have this kid 24/7. If the child can't respect your house how can he respect you? The mother should have put her foot down a long time ago. You should let her know how you feel.

To sxybrwney, all childdren are not brats. I don't know where you got that from.

Answer 8

Yea if u love them... Talk to the mom about disciplining her child... The kid is probably just a little spoiled... The kid is young.. There'z still time to change it... My step bro was an only child til his dad got with my mom and he won't change... it sucks... but his dad doesn't see the problem and doesn't want to change anything.. Have a serious conversation with the mother about it

Answer 9

No! if your not happy now it more than likely will not get to much better its possible but you sound like your already running out of energy, and ultimately he is a result of her if she is allowing him to disrespect your house than she is disrespecting your house right. i'm sure you have already in your life looked back and said where has the time gone, well this will be another one of the situations and at the end of it you;'ll have to start all over from scratch and be what 5 or 6 years older, run run run Good Luck

Answer 10

Talk to her. Hopefully things will get better with this child. Seriously suggest trying to help discipline the child. If she really loves you and you really love her, you'll come to love her child as well. you really need to be a family and that can't happen when there's so much conflict between you and the child. Try counseling and finding help on how to make this child behave.