why does my boyfriend always upset me?

Question

me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now and he lives with me he always seems to start arguments for no reason?i am a plus size girl and when we go out he is always stearing at other slim girls with short skirts on and then when he is not at work he is on the internet watching porn he says he loves me the way i am but why does he do this if he did not love my then why is he staying with me i feel really depressed

he also has lots of porn pictures of nacked slim girls on his computer

Answer 1

Hey sweetie. I think your b/f is unhappy in the relationship, and is being mean to you, to try to get you to leave him. It's a coward's way out, and is a really silly and wimpy thing to do. So what if you're a plus size girl? That shouldn't make a difference to him if he really loves you, and and the fact that he is making you depressed and unhappy is enough of a reason to leave him. I know you've been together a long time, but he is not the only person out there, and I am sure that there are other men out there that are so much more right for you and that will make you really happy. I know it's hard, but I think that you should have a think about what you want from your life and your partner, and if he isn't fitting the bill, then you should finish it. Don't get stuck in a rut, thinking that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. If he's not the right bird, it's not doing anyone any good! You could be missing out on someone really amazing whilst with this guy that obviously doesn't really care about how you feel. Have a think, see how you feel, and make a decision. You've taken the first step by asking this question. Good luck, and take care of yourself!

Answer 2

I don't think the boyfriend is doing near as much to destroy this relationship as you are.

1. You stated almost right off the bat that you are a plus sized girl. If he didn't like your size, he would not have dated you in the first place.
2. You are fighting over stupid things. I am sure one is about you and your appearance. You need to learn how to be happy with you before you can make a man happy.
3. This whole question is about how bad you think you look. The boyfriend gets that idea too. Maybe he is going to start looking because if your not happy, neither is he.

Slim women are not the preference of a lot of men. They are nice to look at, but are usually too stuck up or too into themselves to want to be with.
Plus sized women as you call them are just as pretty as the slim ones. In a lot of different ways. Most "plus sized" women have the most sexiest voices. Most of them have an attitude of do and drive, as apposed to wanting other to do for you.
Pretty and beautiful people are more then just physical. Mental counts a LOT more then physical. Everyone changes. the mind usually is the part that stays the same.

Stop watching TV and start loving yourself. Amazing things follow!

Answer 3

Well of course he's going to be looking at 'slim girl' porn...
Unless he has a very unique fetish that is...
About 80% of the porn world has girls who are 'barbie'fied' beyond belief.

I'd say that perhaps your paranoia is getting the better of you, especially if you tend to hang out in bars (they get crowded and theres usually not many places to 'look') How much time does he spend watching porn on the computer? Surely thats not all he does when he gets home from work?
Perhaps you need to work a little on your own self confidence and bring up your issue's with him. Three years is a long time, and if he really felt it was time to move on im sure it would have happened already. Try to find out what kind of porn really gets him going and share his interest by making it a reality for him. (does he like dressing up, certain positions he tends to watch more often than others e.t.c)

If nothing improves then he is obviously being arrogant and it would only be right to leave him to improve your own standered of living, and teaching him a very valuble lesson for the future...

~ Shadow over and out. ~

Answer 4

Have you gained weight over the past 3 years? Maybe you could try losing some weight, try making some type of deal with him. Tell him you don't like the porn and if he stops looking at it, you'll lose some weight (although you should let get away with it a little just not all the time). As far as looking at other girls, men are visually creatures, we are hard wired to look for signs of fertility and health in women. Just tell him not to break his neck while he is checking out other women. That's my rule, I will glance but not stare, and when I'm with my wife I won't ever turn my head. If you're not happy leave him. You can tell him your not happy with the way your being treated, give him the facts, give him a clear choice. Then if he doesn't start treating you right, leave.

Answer 5

If he isn't making you happy then you should leave him. I personally don't see any harm in my man looking at other girls or porn...as long as thats all he does mind you,if he went further you would probably see me on the news for murder lol.

If he is starting arguements for no reason then ask him to leave, I know it will be hard but it will make him realise that you are not going to stand for anymore of his crap.

Tell him how you feel about his porn collection and how it makes you feel when he looks at other women, if he doesn't change his habits then you know he doesn't respect you the way he should and that he's not the right man for you.

You are worth so much more than this, there are so many guys out there who are dying to treat you the way you should be treated.

Answer 6

If his behaviour is making you feel depressed, then you are simply not happy with yourself. If my boyfriend stares at slimmer girls, I just think "whatever", because I have confidence in my body, and although I'm not plus size, there are skinnier girls than me out there, but I just think that if he wanted them, he'd go and get them and stop wasting his time with me! I know even if he did leave then I could get someone else just as quick, so it's a case of us being with each other because we want to be, and not cos we "need" to be....it sounds to me like you "need" to be with him and you "need" reassurance, which he's not really good at giving.

Maybe lose some weight and get a mini skirt, so he looks at you like he looks at the other girls. You'll feel better, and will be more in control.

Answer 7

dont let this get you down, he's just being a natural bloke.

im a man and i know it doesnt matter if you're with the love of your life or not, you'll always look at other women. its just natural, there's probably a part of the brain actually devoted to it. but that doesnt mean he doesnt love you or find you attractive.

people living together always get on each others nerves, is there anyone you've ever lived with and not argued with? my house is like world war three for half of the month, but thats the challange in life. to live with harmoney.

all im saying is give him the benefit of the doubt. let him know how you feel (its never good to bottle stuff up), but ask for his reassurance and support.

Answer 8

You need to get away from him or you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Thank god you haven't married him. I'm not a plus size but I married someone who treated me the same way and after 12 years of BS I am now finally getting a divorce. You can do MUCH better! It's not you with the problem it's him. GUYS DON'T CHANGE EVER!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I find that me and my girlfriend have the same problem when we are together too much. I tell her this too and she denies it but she knows it, you just get on each others nerves and normal schedule when you are together and the other wants to be doing something else. Don't get me wrong there are times I love being with her, but there are times when you know you need to get something done and while we are together you can't.

Now in your case, it sounds as though he is a jerk and just using you for some reason, I would say you could do yourself better, and find a guy that will love you and not need to look at others while he is out with you.

Answer 10

Its not YOU. Don't let this situation bring you down, don't get depressed about this.

If he says he loves you just as you are, and he's faithful... then a wandering eye is normal in guys. He can read the menu but not order the food, right? It normal for blokes to look at girls, as long as their eyes aren't falling out of their heads, or they aren't drooling and carrying on knowing that it is upsetting you.

Looking at girls is ok, if its a glance... not an oggle... Not something that makes you feel uncomfortable. But guys do look at girls. *Shrugs*. That's just what they do. (boys are silly)

HOWEVER, there are nice mannered ones who have a little more savvy and give you their attention and are a more discreet with their 'looking at women'. Men who look at other women openly in front of their girlfriend are just disrespectful, illmannered and thoughtless.

The porn? If it is making you feel insecure or undesirable, then you should speak to him about it. A lot of women wouldn't accept him doing that in the first place! He should consider himself lucky to be with such a patient person!! You let him watch porn, you put up with him starting fights with you. He openly oggles other women in front of you?

Where is his respect? If he is bringing you down, you need to sort it out as soon as possible.

Put your 'strong' head on, and talk to him. Relationships are meant to be for enjoying... And in good relationships you should be able to discuss this kind of issue and reach a place where you both feel satisfied with the outcome.

Life is too short to put up with silly games, dis-respectful behaviour, or bad manners ...