so far so good?

Question

When I look my self in the mirror I don’t see me, I don’t see the little girl I used to be. I used to be so happy when I was little.
It all started when I was 13 years old my “best friend” Elizabeth went with the popular crowd and decided to ditch me. I haven’t talked to her since. Now im 15 years old and I haven’t talked to her in 2 years. Until she came to me on Friday and said she was sorry for ditching me. But I just walked away and ignored her. Boy I wish I hadn’t done that. Sophie said in her head. If I had said its alright, don’t be sorry. I would still be friends with Elizabeth. She said again, as she was getting ready for school. She hated the way she looked. black hair down to her shoulders and the way her whole self was build. She hated the way her teeth was, it looked like she was Dracula’s wife. And then the way she had her glasses, she looked like a geekier version of Harry Potter. I just hate the way I look.i hate everything. I hate how I get made fun of. I hate eating lunch all by myself. I hate it!! Sophie said screaming in her mind trying to have someone hear but all she could hear was her own voice.
“sophie time to eat breakfast” her mom said.
As sophie went down stairs to eat her breakfast her mom gave her a pep talk about how she only needs to worry about school and her her grades and blah blah blah.
As the bus came down her street she walked down the drive way. She always hated taking the bus. She liked school though. She could always talk to her guidance couslar about anything.when she went to school she did the regular routine got off the bus and went to her locker early to try to avoid the popular people to make fun of her. Then she went to her class and sat there until all 23 people crowded the room.
“ hey lonely sophie what cracking” some popular kid said.
She hated the way people always made fun of her. Calling her lonely sophie.
As the teacher came in the room, The people in the class sat down in their seats and started to whisper. Sophie could have swore that she heard Meghann dola talk about her. But she could have heard something different.
Psychology class seemed longer than ever. And of course it was two days before halloween, and everyonme was so physed that there were going to be Halloween parties everywhere and no surprise, she wasn’t invited to one party! Halloween at her school seemed fun but she never dressed up. It was two periods later, it was lunch, and I heard colleen fellner say that there was a Halloween party at her house and everybody was SOOO happy and couldn’t wait for her party. She sat down at the lunch table and started to eat her lunch, as soon as she was done she went to the bathroom so she could avoid the the people in the lunch room. Sophie started to say to herself “maybe I could go to colleens party and just crash it you know.” She said to herself in the mirror “maybe I should just go to the party in a disguise and pretend to fit in” she said again. She could just see the light bulb in her head. I don’t know why but I should do something the the people who made fun of me, show them some of my own medicine. she thought as she said to herself. After school was over she went to her house and started her homework and then the phone rang. She was all alone to. She answered it and noticed the person who called hung up then called again and she realized on her caller id that it was a prank caller, so she called the person up and the person picked up. The person who picked up sounded a lot like Elizabeth, so sophie said her name and the person on the other line said what in a mean voice. And then it sound like another person was on the line, when sophie heard this she started to almost hang up the phone, but then a voice spoke,
“sophie everybody hates you and no one likes you” the “voice” said.
“what the heck, I though this was Elizabeth?” she said.
“it was,until I tols her to give me the phone” the “voice” said
“But…” she said until she got cut off by the “voice”, but as soon she could talk again the “voice” hung up.


When it was Halloween she still hadn’t figured out who the caller when she was home alone. After school she decided to plan how she was going to crash colleen’s Halloween party. When she was done she got ready and went to colleens house. Sophie made sure that she had on a mask so that nobody would realize it was her. The party was really dark inside and there was probally 100 people in her house or even more. Perfect she said to her self. She went to the bathroom to get ready, as soon as she was she decided to colleen first, then Elizabeth, mark (elizabeths boyfriend) and practically everyone at the party.then sophie had realized that she had made the biggest mistake in her life.
Soplie had realized that she wasn’t the little girl she was anymore. Then she heard police car, she probally thought some had called the police before she killed that person. She went to colleens house and there was blood everywhere,then all the sudden she heard a voice, it sounded like someone was whispering in her ear. It wasn’t, no it couldn’t be a person in the house. So sophie turned around and realaized it was a ghost, it was weird because she heard something about colleens house being haunted but she didn’t know that it was actually true.
“sophie” the ghost said
“sophie, you a genious, I’ve been waiting this to happen since colleen was born!” she couldn’t belive it she was talking to a real ghost actually congradlating her for killing more than 100 people, she just couldn’t believe.
“what do you want?” sophie said.
“and how do you know my name” sophie said in a scared voice.

i know theres alot of spelling errors. im working on it.

Answer 1

I will definitely say interesting. I'm not exactly sure what happened there at the end; I though it went a bit fast. Well, actually, one sentence in particular I don't understand. Right after "Perfect she said to herself." She decided to Colleen first? And as for the ending of the story... Oh, wait. That's not the end of the story. You asked so far so good. Well, you've moved a bit fast. The police are on their way, and with forensic evidence nowadays, Sophie is going down. Even if she runs away right after you ended. And there is a ghost, who wanted Colleen dead? Why, exactly? I hope I'm not overloading you; I am just very curious. Is this a short story, or the beginning of a novel? Either way, I'd like to know what's going on. You're a good writer; you got me wondering.

P.S. Make sure to describe the ghost. What exactly is it you're seeing when you picture the ghost Sophie is talking to?

Answer 2

um consider it's too a ways whilst you insult folks for his or her touchy matters, like disabiltiy or that anyone cheated on them. Ya, recognise like "low blows" too a ways while your "hitting beneath the belt"