I have dated the same guy for the last 5 years. Today he came to my house and along with my sister in law, who was visiting at the same time, read my newspaper and left it all over the living room floor. I hadnt even seen it yet.
He gets his own newspaper at his own home, but his 28 yr old son who still lives at home reads it upstairs in his room and so my boyfriend has to come to my house to see my newspaper and disrupt my routine.
He asked me if I wanted to go out to eat later, and then proceeded to go into my bedroom for a 1/2 hour nap. That was 2 or 3 hours ago. He slept while I cleaned my own storm windows and put them back up. I just got thru assembling the paper he left spread all over the place.
I think when you are reading your girlfriends newspaper, sleeping in her bed, drinking her iced tea and making yourself at home, its time for a marriage proposal.
What to do? He will not throw his grown kids out and he stays here to get away from them.
2006-10-29 08:07:59 · 6 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All it takes is to speak up and set him straight. If someone did that in my house and I'd be raising all kinds of hell with them.
2006-10-29 08:11:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needs to grow up! Yikes! Ok, here's what you do. You start being less available. Get involved in a club like ceramics or hiking or something or just start going out for coffee with some girlfriends. Then you say to your boyfriend of 5 years who should've proposed by now, to call before he comes over please. You don't need to give him a reason other than common courteousy. Then you hide your newspaper. If he picks it up you say to him, "I have not read that yet, could you leave it on the table until I have." OR " I have not read it yet could you kindly put it back together as you found it? Thank you" and if he goes to have a nap in your room, you say "off limits buddy, we're not married!" and you kick him out! If he grabs an iced tea without asking you say. " oh would you like something to drink?" He'll either figure it out or he'll want an explaination. If he wants an explanation you say" Honey I love you very much. I would like to get married one day. Until that day you are a guest in my house and I expect you to act like one. And so I have changed my life so you understand that I deserve a certain respect when you are in my home and using my things." Remember to tell him you love him. I hope this helps. I'm sending you strong vibes. You'll need strength. Above all please love yourself and respect yourself first. If oyu model a certain behavior, others will follow. Have a lovely day!
2006-10-29 08:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this question. You have waited long enough. If you've been dating for 5 years and he's made no attempt to commit on a long term basis, he's not going to...on his own. You may be able to give him an ultimatum and he might go for that, but obviously he is lazy, and doesn't consider your feelings. You need to kick his *** to the curb and get a man who has some ambition to live life. You can't live your own life when you have a grown son living in your house. He sounds like a loser and you can do better. Don't waste any more time with him.
2006-10-29 08:13:47 · answer #3 · answered by jmk_jenmarie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? You have become like his favorite pair of old slippers, comfortable. He will never propose to you as long as he can be treated like a king and be waited upon. You must have low self esteem. You cannot possibly think his behavior is acceptable or you wouldn't be asking what other people think. Do yourself a favor, give him the boot! He will treat you the same way as he is doing now if you do marry him, and you know what, I don't think you want to be at his beckon call 24/7. It is unfair to you to be treated with such disrespect. He obviously gets on your nerves, and believe it or not, there are other people in this world that would treat you with kindness, respect, and love you.Keep telling yourself you are too good for him, and just tell him you no longer want the relationship to continue. Just remember, you are worthy!
2006-10-29 08:20:29 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself if this is the way you like to be treated? If he is treating you this way its because you allow it! What is the fear? Living to please others can be a burn out, and this is what is happening to you. You are allowing him to use you. It is good to talk to him openly because it will eventually help in your marriage. If you are waiting for him to propose to you the question is are you willing to marry him with all the mess?
You are still unable to communicate with him boldly, how are you going to live with him. You want him to understand but remember you both are not wired together for him to read your mind. he will know you only if you speak up. Why would you give up your individuality? You are a person too after all. Are you afraid of loosing him? And if yes how long are you willing to do this for him? There is a lot of resentment within already, do you want to accomodate more resentment to show up on your health? Wake up, you dont have to be thinking of his emotional health, your emotional health is already on a rollercoster.
2006-10-29 08:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by thachu5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has serious boundary issues. It sounds like he's letting his kids overstep his boundaries. Then he comes to your house and oversteps your boundaries. If you tell your bf that you want to read your paper first and you want him to ask you before napping in your bed, and he disregards your requests, then he has no respect for you and never will. That's a terrible relationship to be in. That's not love.
2006-10-29 08:17:33 · answer #6 · answered by Carole44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋